A Funny Frontier Tale
by Super Karoru
Summary: Follow the Chosen Children on their journey through islands, parodies, and plotholes. Takuya x Izumi, sort of. [complete]
1. Strange Happenings in the Desert

A Funny Frontier Tale  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
A Funny Frontier Tale  
By Super Karoru  
Chapter 1: Strange Happenings in the Desert  
  
Now onward to our tale!  
  
--  
  
"Bokomon! Get your hands out of your pants!" shouted Takuya, as everyone laughed at the random outburst.  
  
"I beg your pardon, Takuya, but I was merely putting my book away! My hands were _not_ in my pants!" Bokomon angrily retaliated.  
  
"Actually, they were," said Neemon.  
  
"Shut up, Neemon!" shouted Bokomon as he snapped Neemon's pants waistband.  
  
"Ouchie!"  
  
"Technically, they're not pants," said Junpei.  
  
"Yeah, it's more of a striped tube-top that goes around his waist," responded Izumi.  
  
"It's still weird-looking," added Tomoki.  
  
"I do not know you people," Kouji grumbled from the back of the group.  
  
"I think the sun has gone to our heads," said Takuya.  
  
And that was the case. For you see, the sun _had_ gone to their heads. Because they were walking in a desert. Don't ask me how they got there, they were just there. And definitely don't ask me what they were doing there in the first place. I guess getting the story started or something. Anyway, after the strange Bokomon-pants conversation, they began to look for some shade or water; whichever came first, because they didn't want their brains to end up frying into bacon.  
  
"We need to find some shade or water," commanded Takuya.  
  
"Whichever comes first," responded Izumi.  
  
Suddenly, they all got déjà vu for repeating what was already stated.  
  
"Strange," commented Junpei.  
  
They all shrugged and continued walking. And that was strange because they all shrugged at the _exact_ same time. So, to create another pointless conversation, Takuya and Izumi decided to jinx each other for shrugging at the same time. What fun. Let the coupling hints begin to feed those rabid shippers!  
  
"Jynx!" they both shouted at the same time toward each other.  
  
"Double jynx!" Takuya and Izumi yelled.  
  
"Triple jynx!" Izumi and Takuya screamed.  
  
"Quadruple jynx!" goggle-boy and purple-hat-girl screeched.  
  
"Jynx to the fifth power!" the lovely young couple shouted.  
  
Junpei glared at the author.  
  
::waves::  
  
"Hmph!" Junpei... hmph'ed.  
  
Much to the annoyance of the others, Takuya and Izumi continued to shout at each other at the exact same time.  
  
"Infinity jynx!"  
  
"Stop that!"  
  
"Quit copying me!"  
  
"Sally sold sea shells by the sea shore!"  
  
"Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers!"  
  
"How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"  
  
"Fifteen and five-sixths of a kilogram," answered Tomoki.  
  
"Uh... right," said why don't you guess. "Jeez, how do we keep doing that?"  
  
Neemon just felt the need to answer that. "I read one time in Bokomon's book that couples talk at the same time a lot." Everyone stared at him.  
  
"But how did you get the book out in the first place?" commented Kouji sarcastically.  
  
Everyone soon let that question sink in as their eyes widened; they even screamed and laughed at the same time. That would sound very weird. Believe me, I tried, but I'm sure you don't care about that detail.  
  
"Neemon, Bokomon, is there something you're not telling us?" laughed Takuya.  
  
"Yay! We didn't talk at the same time!" shouted Takuya and Izumi. Everyone slapped their foreheads.  
  
"You're all strange. Let's just keep going," grumbled Bokomon.  
  
And so they kept going, duh. Though, they didn't say anything, especially Takuya and Izumi, because they wanted to avoid talking in unison again. They continued walking along in their own special order. Now let's delve into their thoughts with my freaky author abilities!  
  
Takuya was thinking, _Hmm, Izumi and me acting like a couple? It's no big deal. Although, she is kinda pretty-- woah! Wait a minute! Did I just think what I thought I think I was thinking that I thought? Er... I just confused myself._  
  
Izumi thought, _That Takuya really gets on my freakin' nerves! But he is cute-- woah, that was a random thought! I can't possibly like Takuya, nosiree. I mean, this is the first chapter and I'm already saying that? Psh-shaw! ... Come to think of it, he's got a nice butt, too.___  
  
In the depths of Junpei's brain, _I sure hope nobody's reading my mind right now. Is Izumi-chan_ _looking at Takuya's ass? It sure looks like it. But she better not be, or I'll have to do my special Junjun dance to avert her eyes! Hoo hah!_  
  
All right, enough invasion of their minds. Anyway, they were walking along when they spotted something strange in the distance: it looked like dancing cacti.  
  
"What's that?" asked Tomoki.  
  
Bokomon pulled his book **OUT OF HIS PANTS**.  
  
"Those are Cactusmon," he explained, thanks to his pants book. "They normally inhabit deserts and, um... it says that they also tend to break into song."  
  
"Break out into--" but before both Takuya and Izumi could finish that sentence, they clasped their hands over their mouths.  
  
The Cactusmon danced up to them and sang, "It's getting hot out here, so take off all your clothes!" Everyone just stared with confusion.  
  
"Okay," said Junpei as he reached for his shirt zipper.  
  
"NO, JUNPEI!!"  
  
"Jeez, I was just kidding."  
  
"You better have been," said Kouji.  
  
"I'm not ready for that kind of childhood trauma," whimpered Tomoki.  
  
"**HEY**!"  
  
Izumi thought, _Although I wouldn't mind seeing Takuya take off all his clothes!_  
  
Takuya thought, _Although I wouldn't mind seeing Izumi take off all her clothes!_  
  
... okay, aren't they a bit young to be thinking those things?  
  
"Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! We are evil. Fight us now," ordered the Cactusmon.  
  
"Okie dokie!" said Takuya.  
  
They all Spirit Evolved because they HAVE DAH POWAH!  
  
"Spirit Evolution! Agnimon!"  
  
"Spirit Evolution! Fairymon!"  
  
"Spirit Evolution! Wolfmon!"  
  
"Spirit Evolution! Chakmon!"  
  
"Junpei Digivolve to... oops! I mean, Spirit Evolution! Blitzmon!"  
  
They all attacked.  
  
"Burning Salamander!"  
  
"Brezza Petalo!"  
  
"Licht Seiger!"  
  
"Frozen Wind!"  
  
"Golden Thunder!"  
  
But... they all missed.  
  
"Aw crap!" yelled everyone.  
  
But the Cactusmon were too busy gawking at Fairymon and her skimpy armor outfit to notice their missed attacks.  
  
"Hey, what are _you_ looking at?!" shouted an angry and blushing Fairymon.  
  
The Cactusmon started to sing," We like big butts and we cannot lie! You other Digimon brothers can't deny!"  
  
The others did their best to keep from laughing.  
  
"What?!" screamed an even angrier Fairymon. "I'll show you a big butt!" (That did not sound right.) She did Arid Hug on the Cactusmon, but since they are cacti, the needles stuck her in the butt.  
  
"... AAAHHH!!"  
  
The others fell to the ground laughing.  
  
"Ow! It's not funny! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Stop laughing! Ooooo, that smarts!"  
  
The Cactusmon soon fell to the ground laughing. Laughing cacti, that's not something you see everyday.  
  
"That does it! I'm gonna beat the crap out of you, Cactusmon!"  
  
And she did. And then she kicked them out of this fine piece of literature. And they all returned to being human.  
  
"Well, that was strange," said Takuya.  
  
"My butt still hurts," whined Izumi.  
  
"So what do we do now?" asked Kouji.  
  
As if on cue, all of their D-Scanners started flashing. Ophanimon's voice thinger spoke from the device.  
  
"You must go on a new quest."  
  
"But I thought that our quest was to free the Digital World from the evil Cherubimon?" questioned Bokomon.  
  
"Uh, slight change of plans," responded the D-Scanner.  
  
"Whatever. So let's go!" shouted Takuya.  
  
"Uh... okay," said everybody else.  
  
"I was kind of expecting more of an enthusiastic response from you guys."  
  
"Oh, right. Yeah, let's go!"  
  
"Oh-kay! Now onward to our quest!"  
  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!"  
  
"That was a little _too _enthusiastic..."  
  
"Oops, sorry."  
  
"Never mind."  
  
Izumi thought to herself, _Correction: Takuya doesn't have a nice butt. He's got a **sexy** butt! Heeheehee! Ow, my arse still hurts..._  
  
End of chapter 1.  
  
What new adventures shall await our heroes? Will it be more romantic or just get crazier? Will Izumi's butt ever get better? Why are they constantly talking about butts in the first place?! Find out this and more things you didn't want to know in chapter two of A Funny Frontier Tale! 


	2. The New and Crazy Quest Begins

A Funny Frontier Tale  
By Super Karoru  
Chapter 2: The New and Crazy Quest Begins 

Now onward to our tale!

* * *

When we last left our heroes, they had been "attacked" by some Cactusmon that accidentally stuck needles into Fairymon's butt. That really ticked her off, so she beat the crap out of them. After that ordeal, their D-Scanners began to flash and Ophanimon ordered them to go on a new quest. Yeah, that's about it.

* * *

The gang was still walking in the desert and Izumi had managed to pull out most all of the needles out of her rear. Of course, Junpei offered to pull them out for her. That got him a slap. Takuya kept watching her pull the needles out, mainly looking at that lower region. That earned him two slaps. Thus, everyone else just kept to themselves. But one problem, for Takuya, anyway: she forgot one little needle that was stuck on the back of her skirt. And this was really bugging him. In fact, it was just driving him insane seeing that one annoying little needle! Well, he certainly didn't want to tell her that there was still a needle on her rear. She would accuse him of being "informal", as she called it. For his sanity's sake, there was only one other option. Junpei, Tomoki, Kouji, Bokomon, and Neemon sat down to take a break while Izumi was aimlessly walking around. When Takuya was pretty sure she wasn't looking, he snuck up behind her and pulled the needle off the back of her skirt. He was relieved and thought that he was home free. That is, until a very angry and very blushing Izumi turned around and gave him the death glare. 

"Uh... heheheh... hi... um... Izumi... um... needle... on... butt."

"Pervert!"

WHAP! BAM! SLAP! POW!

"Oww..." groaned Takuya.

"Are you all right, Takuya-han?" asked Bokomon.

"Ouchie... _Can't move legs_..."

"Guess not."

"Ha! Serves him right!" scoffed Junpei who was really miffed that Takuya got to touch Izumi's butt.

Then Izumi let out a roar that sounded a lot like a rabid panther. Everyone's eyes widened at the pure _**terror**_.

"Must be PMS," Kouji mused.

"What was that?" Izumi glanced in his direction.

"Oh, nothing!"

"I haven't had a line in this chapter yet!" realized Tomoki.

"No one cares. Just like we don't care whether or not Izumi has PMS," the bandana boy said innocently.

"I see. What's PMS?"

"I don't wear any undies under my pants!" interrupted Neemon.

Everyone stared at him.

"Too much information!" yelled Junpei.

"So what do we do now?" asked Kouji.

"I... don't... know..." said Takuya.

They all sat around waiting for me to think of something."I'm hungry," said Tomoki.

"Likewise," stated Junpei.

"Then let's get something to eat!" suggested everyone's favorite goggle head.

"Hooray!"

Thanks to the wonders of plot advancement, they all walked off to find something to eat. But the Chosen Children were unaware of the madness they were about to endure...

Suddenly, they ended up in a forest.

"How'd we end up in a forest?" asked Neemon.

"Ask the author," responded Bokomon.

"Oh, okay. Hey, Author-person, how'd we end up in a forest?"

Plothole.

"Okie dokie!"

"Well, that was strange," said Takuya and Izumi. They both slapped their foreheads. "Not this again!"

Tomoki started laughing for no reason. Everyone stared at him. Then it started raining Gummy Bears!

"What the hell?" asked a very confused Kouji.

:is currently wearing a straight jacket: This can't be good for anyone's mind!

"But how can you type while you're wearing a straight jacket?" asked Izumi.

... Magic.

Tomoki and Junpei had already begun to scarf down the falling candy.

"Yummy... yummy... gummies."

"I'm allergic to gummy bears," said Kouji.

Well, too bad.

"Don't make me hurt you," Kouji growled. "Hey, where _are_ you, anyway?"

I am neither here nor there. Neither hither nor yonder. I'm sitting in my computer chair typing this chapter.

"What?" asked everyone.

I said

"No, don't repeat yourself!" yelled Bokomon.

"What can you and Doodle-Doodle do!" screamed Neemon.

"Let's have fun with the Baby Looney Tunes!" blurted out Takuya.

"What the hell are you talking about, Takuya?" asked Izumi.

"I honestly have no idea. Say, isn't it "informal" for a lady to swear?"

"Uh... no," she lied.

Oh, what fun being random is!

"No, not the randomness!" shouted Takuya and Izumi. "Oh crap! Not again!" they both yelled.

"Stop that!"

"I thought this was settled in the last chapter!"

"AHHH!"

I will confuse you AAAAAALLLLLL!

"YAY!" cheered Tomoki.

Everyone looked confused.

Yes, it's working!

"Hey, wait a minute. Isn't this chapter called "The New and Crazy Quest Begins"?" asked Takuya.

Why, yes. Yes, it is.

"So, what's our quest?"

What's your quest? Ha! Don't be ridiculous! It's for the Shikon no Tama!

Takuya: That's Inuyasha...

Oh, right... to find the Nannichuan Spring and rid ourselves of the curse?

Izumi: That's Ranma ½.

To find the tags and crests?

Kouji: That's season one of this show.

Hmm... gotta catch 'em all?

Everyone: Nooooo! That's Pokémon, you _MORON!_

Say, you're all talking in script form!

Everyone: We are?

Yes. Error. Error. Must fix. Must fix.

"Ridiculous, Lucky Captain Rabbit King. Lucky Captain Rabbit King Nuggets are for the youth!" said Tomoki.

That's much better.

"It is?" asked Junpei.

Yes.

"Okay," said everyone.

Don't worry readers, it won't be this weird next chapter... at least I hope not, but it probably will be anyway!

"Who are you talking to?" asked Takuya.

The readers.

"READERS!" shouted everyone. They all started running around and screaming.

Er... I think it's time I made my exit. :leaves:

"Hey, where'd she go?" asked Neemon.

"I assume that we scared her off," answered Bokomon.

"Is the moon really made out of cheese?" asked Tomoki.

"No, it's made of rock," answered Kouji with his infinite wisdom.

"Aww, man. I wanted to become an astronaut so I could go to the moon and eat all the moon cheese," said Junpei.

"What a glutton," muttered Takuya.

"What was that?" Junpei glared.

"Nothin'."

"You're all weird," said Izumi.

"You're weirder," said Takuya.

"You're weirdest."

"You're the weirdest of the weird."

"You're supreme ruler of the weird."

"You're Queen Weird."

"You're the weird ruler of the weird people!"

"You're a weirder ruler of the weirder people!"

"You're the weirdest ruler of the weirdest people!"

"Oh yeah!"

"Yeah!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Would you both just **SHUT UP**!" screamed Bokomon.

"Why should we?"

"Your childish antics grow tiresome. Plus, it's the end of the chapter."

"Aww, man..." said Takuya and Izumi. "Hey, I thought I told you to stop that!"

"Sometimes I question the sanity of humans," grumbled Bokomon.

End of chapter 2.

What craziness will await our heroes in the next chapter? Why do Takuya and Izumi keep talking in unison? How much more randomness can there possibly _be_? Find out this and a bunch of other crap in chapter three of A Funny Frontier Tale!


	3. The Infamous Dare Game

A Funny Frontier Tale  
By Super Karoru  
Chapter 3: The Infamous Dare Game  
  
Now onward to our tale!  
  
--  
  
When we last left our heroes, Takuya had gotten the crap beat out of him because he pulled a cactus needle out of Izumi's butt. Then they went to try and find some food and ended up in a forest. And after a strange conversation with the author, they're just lounging around in the forest... and they still don't know what their quest is!  
  
--  
  
"Say, that author never told us what our quest was!" exclaimed Takuya.  
  
"I guess we'll just have to make it up as we go along," responded Izumi.  
  
"So what do we do now?" asked Kouji.  
  
Junpei groaned. "Are you going to say that every single chapter?"  
  
"Well, the handsome bishounen needs a catchphrase, doesn't he?" Kouji smiled and his teeth sparkled as drops of dew glittered on his flowing locks of hair.  
  
"Hey, I've got an idea!" exclaimed Tomoki.  
  
"What?" asked everybody else.  
  
"Let's play the Dare Game!"  
  
"Why would we do a thing like that?" asked Junpei.  
  
"Weeeelll, I had the sudden urge to act really stuuuuupid! Hyuk!"  
  
"This must be the work of out of character demons!" Kouji stood up dramatically. "Bishounen Man shall save the day!"  
  
"Bishounen _Man_? I thought you were twelve!" Izumi wondered.  
  
"AWAAAY!" Kouji jumped off into some nearby brush, leaving the others behind to ponder the mysteries of the boy's brain.  
  
Takuya turned back to the group. "So, about that Dare Game thingy..."  
  
--  
  
Throughout the course of this game that has been censored for our fine readers, the Chosen Children managed the following acts.  
  
Takuya sang the Hamtaro opening theme, complete with voice and dance.  
After returning, Kouji Spirit Evolved to Wolfmon, wagged his butt, and shouted "SCOOBY DOOBY DOOOOO!!"  
Neemon gave Tomoki a lesson about the birds and bees. He didn't get very far.  
Izumi confessed her deepest darkest secret... that a magical elf tells her to kill people!  
Junpei taped a sign to his chest reading: "HOT BUTTERED FUNK"  
  
--  
  
Bokomon sat there shaking his head, "Mother said to be a dentist, but nooo..."  
  
Izumi stood up and pointed dramatically at Takuya. "Mr. Elf says you're my next victim!"  
  
"I've already been your victim! Many times."  
  
"But you didn't squeal like a piggy and gush blood."  
  
The others' eyes widened.  
  
"I'm scared, Bokomon," Neemon whimpered. "I think I might wet my pants."  
  
"Please don't," he responded. "Last time, we couldn't get the stench out for weeks."  
  
"Wait a minute! Isn't this supposed to be a coupling story? Those two can't be killing each other!" Tomoki pointed out.  
  
"Unless it's _tough_ love!" Bishounen Man then proceeded to laugh at his extremely bad joke.  
  
Suddenly, A BOOMING VOICE BROKE OUT FROM THE HEAVENS!  
  
It is I - the author! And I say that all will be well with this coupling.  
  
"I don't like the sound of this," Junpei crossed his arms. "What's in it for me?"  
  
Uh... fangirls?  
  
"Fangirls? What fangirls? I'm so neglected..."  
  
Unfortunately, the booming author voice was ignored by Izumi as she continued to strangle Takuya.  
  
The poor boy coughed and wheezed, "Someone save me from the wrath of Izumi!"  
  
"Mr. Elf knows what's best!"  
  
End of chapter 3.  
  
What will be the Chosen Children's next random rendezvous in the forest? Who will save Takuya from the wrath of Izumi? Who will save them all from the wrath of the author? Well, the only way to find out is to stick around for chapter four of A Funny Frontier Tale! If you can survive it, that is. 


	4. A Visit to Karoru Corporations

A Funny Frontier Tale  
By Super Karoru  
Chapter 4: A Visit to Karoru Corporations™

Now onward to our tale!

When we last left our heroes, they were in a random forest playing the Dare Game. Then things happened. And so, after another strange encounter and conversation with the author, Takuya has been magically healed for this chapter. And, uh... they're gonna do stuff!

"Ah, to be magically healed! It is the power of fanfiction!" shouted a hyper Takuya.

"Err... right," said Izumi.

"Fan... fiction?" asked Neemon.

Bokomon snapped Neemon's pants.

"Owie! What'd you do that for?"

"Moron! How could you not know what fanfiction is?" questioned Bokomon.

"Yeah, since about chapter two, we've been very self-conscious that we're in a story, and controlled by a being that overpowers us and can do whatever she wants," said Junpei with pure fear etched in his voice.

"As long as she stays in the boundaries of keeping us in-character!" Tomoki added.

"Somehow, I think she's passed that," Izumi noted, pointing towards "Bishounen Man", who was currently posing for no apparent reason.

"Oooh," Neemon nodded. "Now my brain doesn't hurt as much from all that wondering!"

"So..." started Kouji, ending his posing.

"Don't say it..." said Takuya.

"... what..."

"If you say it..." warned Izumi.

"... do..."

"We're warning you, Kouji," said Junpei.

"... we..."

"Nooooooooo!" cried Tomoki.

"... do..."

Bokomon and Neemon took cover.

"... now? So what do we do now!"

Everyone groaned.

"Quit saying that every chapter, Kouji!"

"Sorry."

"Um, okay, so now what?" asked Junpei. Everyone glared at him. "What!"

Suddenly they heard rap music in the background.

"What the fu" said Takuya, but he was cut off by Izumi.

"Takuya! Don't say that word!"

"I was just going to say fuzz."

Everyone fell over. Izumi bopped Takuya on the head. The rap music got louder.

"Guess who's back. Back again. Cactusmon's back. Tell a friend."

Everyone slapped their foreheads.

"Oh, crap..." said Takuya.

"Double crap," said Kouji.

"They better not stick needles in my butt again..." said Izumi.

The Cactusmon burst through the trees. And that would be weird because they're in a forest and the Cactusmon are cacti... from a desert. Oh well, details, details. Anyway, the Cactusmon started to sing once more! Well, if you call _that_ singing.

"Who let the Cactusmon out? Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!"

"That's what we'd like to know!" shouted everyone.

"Um... ask the author!"

Not this again! Just get on with it!

"Uhh, okay... said everyone"

"You put the quotations in the wrong place!" yelled Izumi.

Oh peril of perils!

"Grammar Nazi," mumbled Takuya.

"Can it, goggleboy!"

"Shut your trap!"

"Stuff it!"

"Shut your cakehole, ZOE!"

"Not my evil dub name! Anything but that!"

"ZOE! ZOE! ZOE! ZOE! ZOE! ZOE!" Cue the evil laughter.

"Not the evil dub name! Nooooo..."

"Um, hello?" asked the Cactusmon.

"Oops. I guess we forgot about them," said Takuya and Izumi.

Everyone fell over, even the Cactusmon.

"Um. Hoo. Hoo. Hoo. We are idiotic and evil. Fight us now," said the Cactusmon.

"Oh, no we won't!" shouted Zoe. Ack, I mean Izumi!

"Uhhh... okay! We attack!"

The Cactusmon started to power up! Hwuah!

"REALLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYY..." started the Cactusmon.

"... STUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDDD..."

"Er..."

"... SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONGGGGGGGGGGGGG..."

"That attack name really sucks, you know."

"... BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTT!"

Then the Cactusmon blasted the kids with their copyrighted Digimon attack, "Really Stupid Song Blast!" Thus, they flew off in different directions with different songs that like to rot your brain!

Meanwhile, in the middle of a random desert in the middle of nowhere.

Takuya and Izumi had just landed in the middle of a random desert in the middle of nowhere. You just saw that joke coming, didn't you? Anywho, Takuya was charred to a crisp and lying in a crumpled heap next to Izumi who apparently didn't have a scratch on her.

"My eardrums seem to be bleeding. Quite an attack," the girl noted.

"Owww..." groaned Takuya. "Why am I always the one to get seriously injured!"

"Why don't you ask the author?" suggested Izumi.

"Not an original idea, but a good one."

And so with the magic power of plotholes, Takuya entered through one and ended up in dun, dunnnn, DUNNNNNNNN... Karoru Corporations™! Patent pending.

Takuya started to walk around. It was like a big animation studio, but full of anime characters and some from other cartoons. The cast of Hamtaro were drinking coffee at the snack table. The –insert cartoon characters of your choice- were playing the GameCube. And the Tamers from season three were bound and gagged over in a dark corner never to be seen again! Oops, I'm getting a little off topic here. So, _continuing_, Takuya finally came to this big office-building-looking-place and walked in. He walked further into the office and behind the desk was... Jingle!

"I demand to talk to the author!" demanded Takuya.

"The author wishes for you to have an appointment, like the grain of sand waiting to be washed away. Do you have one?" Jingle questioned while strumming on his guitar.

"Um, nope. Do I need one?"

"Not really. I'm just paid to say that."

After that, he stepped into my office.

Karoru: Why, hello... Mr. Takuya.

Karoru erupted in evil laughter, complete with a lightning crash in the background.

"... right. I just came to ask you a question."

Karoru: Ask away.

"Well, I was just wondering... **Why must I always be subjected to pain!**"

Karoru:taps chin: Good question. Although, I've been trying to give you a break. But I would suppose it's for comic relief.

"You call this comedy?"

Karoru: Hm, I see your point. I won't do anything else to you, if...

"If... ?"

Karoru: If you let me wear your goggle hat. That would be just so spiffy!

"Never!"

Karoru: Aw, c'mon!

"No one touches the goggles!" He crossed his arms and stepped out.

Karoru: Hmph. He seems to forget who he's dealing with!

Takuya jumped back out of the plothole to where Izumi was.

"So how'd it go?" asked Izumi. "Is the author going to stop subjecting you to painful torture?"

"Uh, she didn't exactly say that. But I'm sure it's nothing to worry about, right?"

"Well, then let's just keep going," said Izumi.

"Sure thing!" said Takuya.

But as Takuya started walking, he tripped and fell flat on his face!

"Ow."

"Are you sure it's nothing to worry about?"

"I just tripped! It wasn't the author!" shouted Takuya.

Takuya got sand up his pants.

"Sand wedgie!"

Izumi hit him on the head. "Too much information!"

Takuya's D-Scanner spontaneously combusted and blew him up!

"Ow. Ow. Ow," said a very charred Takuya.

The D-Scanner returned to normal.

Izumi sighed.

"It wasn't the author! It was a fluke!"

The D-Scanner blew up again and bombs dropped on him from the sky! Blasting him into the ground and charring him even more.

"Are you sure it's not the author?" Izumi asked sarcastically.

"Okay, okay... so maybe it's the author... THEY SHALL MUST PAY."

Meanwhile, at somewhere else.

"Hey, do you guys ever get the feeling that we're being read?" asked Junpei. "And you do have to wonder who's reading us..."

Junpei, Kouji, and Tomoki slowly faced the camera and screamed.

End of chapter 4.

What crazy adventures lie in store for our heroes? Now that Takuya and Izumi are alone, will there finally be any romance? What the hell is going on here! Find out this on the next episode of dunn, duuunn, DUUUUNNN Dragonball Z! Er, I mean A Funny Frontier Tale!


	5. Attack of the Evil Dub Selves!

A Funny Frontier Tale  
By Super Karoru  
Chapter 5: Attack of the Evil Dub Selves!  
  
Now onward to our tale!  
  
--  
  
When we last left our heroes, they had been blasted to different places in the Digital World by the Cactusmon. Takuya then went to complain to the author at Karoru Corporations to demand not to be severely injured anymore, but he ended up being severely injured anyway. Now Takuya and Izumi are walking in yet another desert. Creative, ne?  
  
--  
  
Takuya and Izumi were walking along in the desert to continue onward on their "quest" or whatever the hell it is they're doing. Anyway, as they were walking along and Takuya had a song stuck in his head and was humming it.  
  
"What song is that?" asked Izumi.  
  
"Snoozer, Penelope, Panda, Howdy, Oxnard, Bijou, and Boss! Let's go!"  
  
"Er... Takuya?"  
  
"Zernoo! Penepelo! Zobs! Dapan! Nihou! Whee! Hamtaro! Hamsters! Ham-Ham! Ticki-ticki! Koosh-koosh! Sunflower! Fwee! Hamtaro!"  
  
"..."  
  
"Ohh, let's make a wish! Ooooo! Oooooo! Make it come truuuuuue!"  
  
"Ta-ku-ya..."  
  
"Singing along with us is all you do! Come on and be the very best! Ooo! Ooo! Get a hundred on your test! All of your dreams will come true!"  
  
"Takuya!"  
  
"Come on and sing this secret spell! It's just for you! Think of all the love we'll bring! Hamtaro will know just what to do! This will be our song! Come on and-"  
  
"TA-KU-YA!"  
  
But it was no use. Takuya was naming all the hamsters while dancing around and shakin' his groove thang.  
  
"... Please tell me that the author didn't just say that Takuya was shakin' his groove thang," said Izumi.  
  
You heard me, woman!  
  
"No comment," said Izumi.  
  
The Trix Rabbit's gone crazy! He's got a chainsaw!  
  
"... What?"  
  
Oops, false alarm.  
  
"Ookay. That was weird." Takuya shook his head.  
  
"Very weird," agreed Izumi.  
  
They're actually agreeing with other! Now that's weird. Speaking of weird...  
  
"Hey, what's that?" Takuya asked as he pointed to two far-off objects in the distance.  
  
"I... don't... know," said Izumi.  
  
The figures seemed to be getting closer.  
  
"What the fu--" said Takuya, who was once again cut off by Izumi.  
  
"Don't say that word!"  
  
"I was just going to say funk."  
  
Izumi slapped her forehead.  
  
"What... or _who_ are they?" asked the goggleboy as the figures were getting ever closer.  
  
"They look like... humans! Could it be the others?"  
  
"No... wait a minute! They look like... like... us!"  
  
And indeed it was them. So there stood another Takuya and Izumi in front of Takuya and Izumi!  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"  
  
"You... you... you're me!" shouted a shocked Takuya to the other Takuya.  
  
"No, you're me!" shouted the other shocked Takuya to Takuya, but he was speaking in English! But... aren't they _all_ speaking English right now? Oh, forget it.  
  
"Who are you?!" the Takuyas asked each other at the same time.  
  
"I'm Takuya!"  
  
"And I'm Takooya!"  
  
"Takooya?"  
  
"Yep, Takooya."  
  
"Er, I think you're pronouncing it wrong."  
  
"But I've always said it this way!"  
  
"But... it's wrong."  
  
"I beg to differ. Your name is the one that's wrong!"  
  
"Hey! I'm the original, so of course I'm right!"  
  
"Says who?"  
  
"Says me!"  
  
"Shut up!" yelled the two Izumis.  
  
"So, you're another Izumi?" asked Izumi.  
  
"No, I'm Zoe."  
  
"Zoe? Evil dub name! Ack!" screamed Izumi as she fell to the ground.  
  
Takuya, Takooya, and Zoe slowly blinked.  
  
"So exactly _who_ are you?" questioned Takuya, pointing at the two.  
  
"We're you, only in the dub!" answered Zoe and Takooya.  
  
"Don't you see..." began Takuya.  
  
"Yes, it's..." responded Izumi.  
  
"**Our evil dub selves**!!" they both screamed, while waving towards the sky in a frenzy.  
  
Zoe and Takooya were once again confused as Takuya and Izumi were on the ground foaming at the mouth. And as much as I enjoy typing this conversation, let's see what Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki are doing, shall we?  
  
--  
  
Meanwhile at... um, let's say a jungle! Yes, a jungle... ah heh.  
  
Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki were... guess what! Walking around in a jungle! Clever, eh? Anywho, they were just walking along. Lalalalalala. Then, for no apparent reason, they started to hear bongo drums in the background.  
  
"Hey, why are there bongo drums in the background?" asked Junpei.  
  
"We're in a jungle, aren't we?" commented Kouji.  
  
The bongo drum music started to get louder. They could hear someone sing.  
  
"Look to the past as we head towards the future! To reclaim the Digital World!"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"With strength in ourselves! And trust in each other! We live by the lessons we've learned!"  
  
"We do?" asked Kouji.  
  
"As we work toward one solution! Through Spirit Evolution!"  
  
"Oookay..." said Tomoki.  
  
"I am the one! I am the one!"  
  
"Who's the one?" asked Junpei.  
  
"Digimon! Forever united as one! Digimon!"  
  
"What the heck?" they all asked.  
  
"Through us let your Spirit Evolve!  
  
"..."  
  
"The world's for us all! Da, da, da, da, Di-gi-mon!"  
  
When the song ended, bandana boy, jump suit guy, and the carbon copy of Takeru, bandana boy, and jump-suit guy were standing there weirded out of their minds. Then suddenly from the trees emerged... me! No, just kidding. It was another Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki standing in front of Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki!  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"  
  
Woah, I'm getting déjà vu.  
  
"Who... who are you?!" asked the shocked Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki.  
  
"I'm J.P.!"  
  
"I'm Tommy!  
  
"And I'm Koji, without the 'u' and pronounced slightly different!"  
  
"J.P.?"  
  
"Tommy?"  
  
"Koji?"  
  
"What kind of names are those?!"  
  
"Hey! They're good names!"  
  
"But who _are_ you?" asked Kouji.  
  
Their counterparts sighed and said, "We're you, only in the dub!"  
  
"Don't you see..." started Junpei.  
  
"Yes..." responded Kouji.  
  
"It's..." said Tomoki.  
  
"**Our evil dub selves**!!"  
  
Koji, J.P., and Tommy stood dumbfounded as Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki fell to the ground, foaming at the mouth.  
  
The Chosen Children apparently have rabies. Now, let's head towards that forest they were in at the beginning of chapter four to check up on what Neemon and Bokomon are doing.  
  
--  
  
Blah, blah, blah.  
  
Neemon and Bokomon were just standing around in the forest. Well, actually, Neemon was standing around while Bokomon was running around like a frantic lunatic.  
  
"This is bad! Very bad!" Bokomon carried on. "We've been separated from the others! They don't know anything about the Digital World! Who will be there to help them?! What if they get lost?! What if they're behind a bush and they don't have enough leaves?! What about when a Digimon attacks?! Who will inform them?! Oh right, the Narrator... But it's the principle of the matter!"  
  
"Bokomon, can you tell me what color my eyes are?" asked Neemon.  
  
"You don't have eyes, you dolt!" he shouted as he snapped Neemon's pants yet again.  
  
"Ouchie!"  
  
"Ah, that Neemon's an idiot isn't he?" said another voice from a distance, but it was in a really annoying British accent.  
  
"Hey, I'm not an idiot!" said another voice, but it sounded like JarJar Binks with laryngitis. "I just lack that thing that goes in my head... what was it called again?"  
  
"Huh?" asked Bokomon and Neemon, puzzled.  
  
Two figures emerged from the trees who were another Bokomon and Neemon in front of Bokomon and Neemon!  
  
You probably know what's next, don't ya?  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"Hello, me!"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"  
  
"What? Who? When? Why? How?" screamed Bokomon and Neemon.  
  
"We're you, only in the dub!" said the other Bokomon and Neemon.  
  
"But-but -- your voices! They're terrible!"  
  
The other Bokomon and Neemon shrugged.  
  
"Don't you see, Neemon..."  
  
"Uh, I think it's..."  
  
"**Our evil dub selves**!!"  
  
Yeah, you guessed it. They both fell to the ground foaming at the mouth while the dub versions of Neemon and Bokomon just shook their heads. Now the Digimon have rabies!  
  
Back to Takuya and Izumi and their counterparts.  
  
--  
  
"There's only one thing to do, Izumi!" exclaimed Takuya.  
  
"Yes, only one thing!"  
  
"We must get rid of our evil dub selves!" they both shouted as they _dubbed_ evil grins (oh, I'm so clever) and pulled a large assortment of weapons out from behind their backs. One has to wonder how they got there!  
  
"Uh oh..."  
  
--  
  
To make a long and pretty much gruesome story short, all the Chosen Children (not to be confused with Digi-Destined), Bokomon, and Neemon chased their evil dub counterparts to the very ends of the desert/jungle/forest into the dark plotholes never to be seen by the light of day ever again! But since this is only a fictional story, that technically never happened, so we're all screwed! There's just no justice in the anime world. ::dramatically wipes away a tear:: ... Back to Takuya and Izumi again.  
  
--  
  
"Well, this was quite an interestingly pointless chapter," noted Izumi.  
  
"Yay! I wasn't severely injured! Whoo hoo!" shouted a happy and hyper Takuya.  
  
"Well, technically you were."  
  
"How so?"  
  
"Your evil dub counterpart, of course!"  
  
"... Damn, you're right!"  
  
"Life is cruel, no?"  
  
"Quite."  
  
And so they continued onward on their crazy quest.  
  
End of chapter 5.  
  
::notices that people are staring:: Hm? Oh, the end narration thing? Er... it's my day off! Nothing else to see here! Move along now, move along! 


	6. Conversations and Roasted Cacti

A Funny Frontier Tale  
By Super Karoru  
Chapter 6: Conversations and Roasted Cacti  
  
Now onward to our tale!  
  
--  
  
When we last left our heroes, they had been "attacked" by their evil dub selves! They ended up chasing them down into dark plotholes never to be seen and their evil and terrible voices never to be heard from again! Now it's night time and Takuya and Izumi are still in that desert and are now are sitting next to each other by a makeshift campfire.  
  
--  
  
"Man, I'm starving!" exclaimed Takuya. "Chasing down dark and demented versions of yourself really works up an appetite."  
  
"Well, don't look at me," responded Izumi.   
  
"Do you think cactuses are edible?" the goggle boy asked, looking around at the scenery.  
  
"Beats me."  
  
"Hey, since there are meat apples, there should be meat cactuses!  
  
"Meat cactuses? Riiight."  
  
"I don't see you coming up with any ideas!"  
  
"Well, my ideas sure wouldn't include meat cactuses."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"Hmph."  
  
They sat in silence for a few moments. Then Takuya got up and walked over to a little clump of cacti and attempted to pull a few out and avoid the needles, but he wasn't so successful.  
  
"Ow! Dammit!"  
  
Izumi stifled a couple of giggles.  
  
"At least having a needle stuck in your hand is better than having it stuck in your butt!" he called out.  
  
She stopped laughing and just stuck her tongue out at him. He then walked back over with a couple of un-needled cacti and then started to roast them over the fire.  
  
"I still don't think cacti are edible, Takuya."  
  
"Well, there's only one way to find out!" he responded while handing her a very charred piece of cactus. "I hope it's low in carbs! Ha ha ha!"  
  
Izumi slapped her forehead. Then they both took bites out of the roast cacti and... immediately spit it out.  
  
"Ugh, this sucks! Bleagh!" said Izumi, while tossing the cacti aside. "I told you they weren't edible!"  
  
"Okay, okay. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all... But you can't blame a guy for trying, right?"  
  
"Yes. Yes, I can."  
  
"Dammit."  
  
They sat there with nothing to do, but taste the flavor of burnt cactus in their mouths. Neither could think of anything to say to the other. Then they both realized that they had never actually been alone like this before, with the others probably miles away. With absolutely no one around. They were all alone. With each other. Oh my, raging hormones!  
  
"So, um..." started Takuya.  
  
"Uhm..." said Izumi.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Yep."  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"Is this conversation going anywhere?"  
  
"Not really."  
  
They both sighed.  
  
"I'm still hungry," said Takuya.  
  
"Are you going to try to roast some sand now?" joked Izumi.  
  
"Haha. Very funny," he responded sarcastically.  
  
--  
  
Commercial time!  
  
**Commercial Number One**:  
Scene opens to a stage with some bright spotlights and exercise equipment and Junpei is jumping around in a tight pink and purple striped leotard.  
Junpei: And jump! And kick! And stretch! Welcome to my infomercial! Today I will be selling my latest product, "The Junpei Weight-loss Program"! As you can see, it's worked wonders for me!  
Audience: Uh. Riiight.  
Junpei: And today it's for a special offer! Only 999 easy payments of $999.99! Isn't that _great_?  
Crickets start chirping in the background.  
Junpei: So call now!  
Gullible Idiot: Wait! What's the number?!  
  
**Commercial Number Two**:  
Scene opens up in one of those depressing black and white sequences.  
Narrator: Do you find yourself horrified and becoming trapped in the dark black hole known as... the dub?  
Scene switches to a slow-motion black and white scene with Tomoki screaming while looking at the television.  
Narrator: If so call, 1-666-help-I'm-horrified-and-becoming-trapped-in-the-dark-blackhole-known-as-the-dub-I-really-need-help-help-me-now!-oh-no-I-just-accidentally-used-the-dub-names-in-my-fanfic-this-dub-is-really-killing-me-I'm-dying-over-here-ahhh-I'm-telling-you-to-help-me-but-I'm-too-busy-dialing-this-too-f'cking-long-number!-ack-the-curse-of-the-evil-dub-version-is-upon-us!  
  
**Commercial Number Three**:  
Narrator: From the producers of '"The Crocodile Hunter", comes a new exotic series on the network known as _Digimon Planet_... It's "The Neemon Hunter"!  
The scene shifts to a desert where a big crocodile is standing there wearing one of those Australian-type-hats.  
Crocmon: 'ello, mates! I'm Crocmon! Or better known as... The Neemon Hunter!  
An unsuspecting Neemon walks by.  
Crocmon: Crikey! Would ya look at the ears on that'ta one!  
He pounces on the Neemon.  
Neemon: AHHH!!  
Crocmon: And as you can see, it ain't no 'bute.  
Neemon: HEY!  
Crocmon: Now let's check it's gender!  
Neemon: ... Uh oh.  
  
End commercials.  
  
--  
  
We go back to the desert where Takuya and Izumi are staring at us and looking utterly confused.  
  
"Okay, could someone please tell me... What the hell was _that_?!" yelled Takuya.  
  
"That's what I'd like to know!" yelled Izumi. "I'd also like to know how Junpei got into that spandex."  
  
--  
  
Meanwhile, in a random jungle.  
  
"Do you guys feel neglected by the author, too?" asked Junpei.  
  
"Yeah," said Kouji.  
  
"I wonder what Izumi and Takuya-onnichan are doing right now," said Tomoki.  
  
Oh yes, what are they "doing"? Heehee!  
  
"And what is that supposed to mean?" asked Junpei, raising an eyebrow.  
  
Oh, nothing. ::disappears::  
  
"Well, that was strange," said Tomoki.  
  
"So what do we do now?" asked Kouji.  
  
Junpei and Tomoki glared at him.  
  
"What? What'd I say?"   
  
--  
  
Meanwhile, in a random forest.  
  
"Bokomon, would you please read me a bedtime story?" Neemon asked.  
  
"Okay. How about the one about the stupid yellow Digimon who wouldn't leave the book-holding Digimon alone in peace?"  
  
"Yay! Tell me that one!"  
  
Bokomon sighed. "You're hopeless."  
  
--  
  
Back with Takuya and Izumi.  
  
"All this insanity and craziness is tiring," mused Takuya, nodding sagely.  
  
"Yep," Izumi stated in agreement.  
  
"And you know what else, Izumi?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I still hungry," he began to fake cry.  
  
"Oh, brother..."  
  
"I also tired." He keeled over backwards and dozed off while Izumi stared in bewilderment. She shrugged, and went to sleep as well... but they were back to back! Damn, so close too! Mwahahah... ::cough::  
  
--  
  
Three hours later in the same place.  
  
Izumi was fast asleep, while Takuya had woken up and couldn't get back to sleep.  
  
"I - want - sleep!" he whispered to himself. He was very tired from all the previous insanity they had to go through, but insomnia just tends to strike in the strangest places. _Well, no wonder I can't sleep, I'm freaked out by what could happen next on this crazy quest_, he thought, trying to think of a reasonable... reason he couldn't get back to into slumber.  
  
He sighed and rolled on his back to look up at the stars. The stars didn't seem to have any pattern to them. He looked over at Izumi. _Well, at least I'm stuck out here with someone instead of cold and alone. Even if she tried to kill me one too many times. It could be worse!_ He closed his eyes to at least try to get back to sleep, but then he felt a weight on his left side. He opened his eyes at there was Izumi! How... convenient. Apparently, she had turned over in her sleep and was now lying against Takuya's chest. He blushed and felt uncomfortable for a moment, but then relaxed.  
  
_Maybe this quest won't be so bad after all_, he thought. _Hachachachacha!_  
  
End of chapter 6.  
  
Scandalous, isn't it? Stick around for chapter 7 of A Funny Frontier Tale! 


	7. The Beast Spirits' New Mission, Part 1

A Funny Frontier Tale  
By Super Karoru  
Chapter 7: The Beast Spirits' New Mission, Part 1

Now onward to our tale!

--

You people remember what happened last chapter, right? You do? Good. Now I will yet again use my freaky author powers and invade the dreams of our two favorite Chosen Children.

--

**Takuya's Dream Sequence**

Takuya was walking around in a bright white endless abyss.

"Hellooooo?" he yelled out. His voice seemed to echo all around him. "Weird."

Suddenly, he teleported to a little room, and was now sitting in a school desk with there was a blackboard and a podium in front of him.

"Don't tell me I'm back in school!" he exclaimed, fearing for his life.

"Cool it, Takuya," said another voice. It sounded very similar to Takuya's voice, but rougher.

"Okay, who just said that? Why won't someone tell me these things?"

"It was only me," said the voice as he stepped up to Takuya. But he wasn't human. He looked like a cross between Greymon and Birdramon. It was... Vritramon! Only much shorter.

"What the hell? You're supposed to be me!"

"Correction: I am _part_ of you. And this is your dreaming subconscious, after all," Vritramon responded.

"Oh yeah... But then tell me, why does this place look like a classroom?"

"Because I'm here to teach you something."

Vritramon took out a long pointer stick and whacked Takuya on the head with it.

"Ow!"

"Now pay attention! This is important information."

"What's so important about it?" asked Takuya.

"SILENCE! Class has now begun!"

"But--"

"I SAID SILENCE!"

"B--"

"You really don't want to tick of the Beast Form of a Legendary Warrior."

"Shutting up now."

"Good."

Vritramon walked up to the blackboard and started to write out his name.

"Good morning class," he said. He began to slowly spell it out, doubting Takuya's intelligence. "I am Seeeeennnnn - seeeeiiiiiiiiiiiii. Vrrriiiiiiiiiiiii - traaaaaaaaaaaa - moooooonnnnnnnN."

"I know who you are!"

"ROAR!"

"Shutting up now."

"Now, today's lesson is _very_ important."

"What's it about?"

"Something that you really, really, really, really, really, care about and love."

"And what's that?"

"Guess," Vritramon said, dully.

"Uh, my mom?"

"That's not what the lesson is about."

"My dad?"

"No."

"My brother?"

"Nope."

"Food?"

"No, damn it!"

"Then what is it?!"

"I'll give you a hint. It starts with an 'Izumi' and ends with an 'Orimoto'."

Takuya stared blankly. Crickets chirped in the background.

Vritramon slapped his forehead. "It's Izumi, damn it!"

"Izumi?" asked Takuya.

"Yes."

"So you just brought me here to tell me something important about Izumi?"

"Yes!"

"Uh, look, Vritramon, I already know about that monthly girl thing."

Vritramon's eyes widened. "**NOT THAT SORT OF THING**."

"Then what?"

"I'll be blunt. I'm here to tell you to tell Izumi... the depths of your passion for her!"

"My... _what_?"

"You heard me."

"But... I... err..."

"SILENCE!"

Vritramon whacked Takuya with the stick again.

"Ow!"

"So?" asked Vritramon.

"So what?"

"Are you going to tell Izumi the depths of your passion for her?"

"Hell no!"

"And why not?"

"If she slapped the living daylights out of me when we fell into that hole and were 'hugging' in episode two and when I, uh, 'accidentally' touched her butt to get that needle out in chapter two of this story, imagine what she'd do if I said I loved her or tried to kiss her or something! She'd probably Spirit Evolve and rip me to shreds!" Takuya shouted while flailing his arms about.

"Hmm... good point. Uh, I mean, you must tell her!"

"Why?"

"Because it's not good to keep your feelings inside?"

"You sound more like a guidance counselor than a Legendary Warrior."

"Whatever. JUST TELL HER THE DEPTHS OF YOUR PASSION FOR HER OR I WILL BE FORCED TO HURT YOU! Ending dream sequence and time to wake up now," said Vritramon as he snapped his fingers. Everything started to get blurry and bright.

"Hey, wait just a second! Ahhh!! ..."

--

**Izumi's Dream Sequence**

Izumi is walking in a place very much similar to Takuya's encounter.

"Hey, what am I doing here? I was having an extremely nice Takuya dream!" she yelled as her voice also echoed.

"You're too young for such things," said another voice very similar to Izumi's.

"Who's there? Why won't someone tell me these things?"

"It's just me," said the voice as she stepped up to Izumi. But she wasn't human. She looked like a cross between Harpymon and Angewomon. It was... Shutumon! Only lacking from her normal height.

"Oh, hi, Shutumon!" Izumi said, happily.

"Yes, hello, okay, yeah. Let's go to that classroom because I'm here to tell you something important," Shutumon said, dully.

Blah blah blah, we've been through this before.

"Why are we in a classroom?" asked Izumi.

"Important stuff. I'm Sensei Shutumon. Just take this test."

"Test?"

"It's a love test."

"Oh, okay."

She handed Izumi a piece a paper with the test on it and a pencil.

The test went as such:

1. Who do you think is the hottest guy around?  
a) Takuya.  
b) Takuya.  
c) Takuya.  
d) All of the above.

2. Who do you constantly fantasize and have "thoughts" about?  
a) Takuya.  
b) Takuya.  
c) Takuya.  
d) All of the above mentioned.

3. Who would you most definitely like to following taken out due to content?  
a) Takuya.  
b) The goggle boy leader named Takuya.  
c) The guy with the surname of 'Kanbara' and the first name of 'Takuya'.  
d) All of the above.

Izumi blushed a deeper and deeper crimson after reading each question. Especially question three, if you get my meaning.

"What kind of a love test is this?!"

"But for you, every answer is correct. You absolutely can't fail."

"This test is rigged is what it is!"

"Ah, denial ain't just a river in Egypt..."

"What is that supposed to mean?!"

"Okay, I'll be blunt. I'm here to tell you to tell Takuya the depths of your passion for him. So go to it!"

"... Wait a second! My depths of passion for Takuya?!"

"Just do it or I will be forced to hurt you. Ending dream sequence and time to wake up now," said Shutumon as she snapped her fingers. Everything started to get bright and blurry.

"Wait! Ahh! You didn't answer my question, damn it! ..."

--

Back by popular demand, it's more commercials!

**Commercial 1**:  
Scene opens to inside of a store and Tomoki walks out in a business suit, still wearing his giant hat.  
Tomoki: I have opened my new store and I'm here to sell my latest product to you!  
He picks up an object.  
Tomoki: Is your hat too big for your head? If so, you need... "The Custom Tomoki Neck Brace"!  
He puts on the neck brace.  
Tomoki: I tell you, before "The Custom Tomoki Neck Brace", my neck was killing me because my hat was bigger than my freakin' head! Let's hear from a happy customer!  
Scene shifts to a Toucanmon wearing the neck brace, but he's turning blue and choking.  
Toucanmon: ::cough:: Help! ::cough-cough:: Can't - breathe - too - tight! ::collapses::  
Goes back to Tomoki.  
Tomoki: Uh, well, err... Just buy "The Custom Tomoki Neck Brace" today!  
He takes off the neck brace and falls on his head to the floor.

**Commercial 2**:  
Scene opens and we see Kouji, sitting on a couch eating pizza.  
Kouji: Remember, it's not delivery. It's Digi-jorno!  
He winks into the camera while giving a very cheesy thumbs-up.

**Commercial 3**:  
Scene opens to library Bokomon is standing there.  
Bokomon: 'ello! I'm here with my new product, aimed right towards the nit-picky fans of our show!  
My, they're all for endorsement, aren't they?  
Bokomon: When I'm not busy reading from a book as big as my upper body, I'm busy writing a book! It's called "1001 Ways to Kill the Dubbers!"!  
He holds up the book for all to see and behold its magnificent glory.  
Bokomon: This book contains one-thousand and one glorious ways to torture and kill the dubbers easily and environmentally-friendly, but still getting a major enjoyment out of it! Let's show you an example!  
The following has been taken out due to graphic content, so may you view these pleasant scenes instead.  
Shows a field of flowers, but with horrible screaming and the noise of chainsaws in the background.  
Shows cute little puppy dogs and kitty cats jumping around but with someone screaming "Please, help me! I don't deserve this kind of torture!" in the background.  
Scene goes back to Bokomon who is looking quite happy, but there is red liquid all over the walls.  
Bokomon: So buy "1001 Ways to Kill the Dubbers!" at your local book store **today**!

End commercials.

--

Takuya and Izumi were still asleep. Izumi was lying against Takuya's chest.

(**Cue the deep-voice reading**! It adds to the mood.)

Now they have been sent on their missions to tell each other their true feelings! And if they fail, then the Beast Spirit Sensei Vritramon and Shutumon will severely hurt them! It's a quest in a quest! For the truth! Those true feelings and the depths of their passion for each other must be revealed, or so help us all!

(You can return to normal now.)

By remarkable coincidence, they started to wake up at the exact same time. As they were waking up, they both realized exactly the 'positions' they were in. OH MY, SCANDAL!

"Eep!" exclaimed Takuya. "My, what an awkward situation. Ah heh heh."

Izumi didn't find it so amusing, however. But she regained her composure, and realized she was still starving. Takuya was hungry too. Oh no, famine! Bah, now I'm feeling sorry for 'em... so... a plothole opened a few feet from them and out popped one little riceball. This certainly caught Takuya and Izumi's attention. They both stared at the one riceball. They looked towards each other. The riceball. Each other. The only food in the vicinity. Their very hungry enemy.

"Heheh. Well what do ya know? One… little… riceball," Takuya chuckled.

"Yep. Yep. Yeppers. Just one little tiny riceball. Heheh," Izumi responded.

"IT'S MINE!"

They both pounced on the riceball and began a battle to the death for it. But what they didn't see were chibi forms of Vritramon and Shutumon standing behind a patch of palm trees, watching the grudge match.

"Well, so much for confessing the depths of their passion to the other," sighed Vritramon, shaking his head.

"Who'll tear off the other's limbs first?" Shutumon wondered.

End of chapter 7.

Will the Beast Spirit Sensei Vritramon and Shutumon succeed in their mission? Who will win the riceball battle? What new "situations" will Takuya and Izumi get into next? Where the hell are the others? Why was this chapter so short? Will this story ever make any sense? Find out next time on A Funny Frontier Tale! Or not, and you'll forever be tortured. Who knows?


	8. The Beast Spirits' New Mission, Part 2

A Funny Frontier Tale   
By Super Karoru   
Chapter 8: The Beast Spirit's New Mission, Part 2

Now onward to our tale!

--

"Give me the damn riceball, Takuya!"

"I don't think so, _cactus butt_!"

Takuya and Izumi were still fighting over that one little morsel of food. You'd be surprised at how much energy they have since they haven't eaten in at least six chapters, but I suppose hunger is a good motivator. Expletives flew back and forth, combined with threats, which was quite interesting to listen to if you weren't currently involved in the quarrel. Unbeknownst to them, Vritramon and Shutumon gazed upon the scene from a relatively safe distance.

"They're not getting anywhere at this rate," Vritramon sighed.

"Maybe it's a lover's quarrel?" suggested Shutumon.

Vritramon sighed again. "Look, we haven't been sent on this mission for nothing!"

"Then what are we doing here?"

"Are you just being dumb on purpose to further frustrate me?"

"Dumb?"

Vritramon slapped his forehead.

Back to the Takuya and Izumi grudge match.

"Oww! Jeez!" shouted Takuya as he grabbed his wrist. "Did you just bite me?"

"Of course not."

"Oh, good... hey, waitjustaminute!"

"Har har!"

--

Currently in the jungle where Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki happen to be placed.

"So what do we do now? So what do we do now? So - what - do - we - do - NOW?!" asked Kouji, who had been repeating that same catchphrase for the past three hours.

"I... don't... know!" Junpei screeched, covering his ears. "Shut up! Just shut up!"

"Hey, have you guys noticed that we were not in the last chapter at all?" asked Tomoki.

"Hmmmm," said all three as they glanced toward the camera view.

--

Back to Takuya and Izumi.

"Grr."

"Grr."

They were now sitting directly across from each other having a staring contest to the death! Okay, maybe not to the death, but it's pretty hard not to blink when you're in the middle of a desert. And it was also hard not to advert one's hungry gaze to the riceball sitting in between them. Oh, the tension is just brutal!

"You've gotta blink sometime, Izumi," growled Takuya.

"Never!" Izumi growled back.

Over to the two Chibi Beast Senseis.

"Are they staring longingly into each other's eyes?" Shutumon wondered.

"No, they're not! ... Unfortunately," responded Vritramon.

"Too bad I don't have my camcorder."

"You have a camcorder?" the dragon creature questioned.

"Yeah, all the Beast Spirits have one!"

"That's crap! I didn't get one!"

Let's see what the lovely couple is doing, which is not on the topic of getting gypped from sensei benefits.

"Grr."

"Grr."

"Grrr!"

"ROAR!!

Takuya yelped, adding, "DON'T HURT ME!!"

Okay, maybe not anything interesting. Um, Bokomon and Neemon?

--

Currently in the conveniently unnamed forest.

"WUUUUUUUZZUUUUUUUP?!"

"WUUUUUUUZZUUUUUUUP?!"

Definitely not there!

Maybe Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki?

--

Wait a second... NO!

Back to the lovers! Er, I mean, Takuya and Izumi.

--

Still not blinking.

"Grr."

"Grr."

Ah, the hell with it, let's go to the commercials and hopefully Takuya and Izumi will have blinked by then.

--

Again, the commercials!

**Commercial 1**:Takuya's Eyecatch   
The eyecatch starts playing. Takuya's disc-thingy flies into the screen. The symbol of fire glows and fire shoots past the screen.   
Agnimon surfs in on the disc, but slips and falls off, causing the background picture to fall on top of him.   
Agnimon: ... Ow. Makeup! I can't work in these conditions!

**The commercial after Commercial 1 and before Commercial 3**:   
Narrator: Want to dress up for Halloween, but don't have enough money? No problem! We'll tell you how to make easy, cheap - and believable, of course - Digimon Frontier costumes! Dye yourself yellow, put on red sweatpants, squint your eyes and you'll look just like Neemon! Let's show you an example!   
The view goes to a white backdrop, but no one is standing there.   
Director (whispering): Psst, Takuya! That's your cue!   
Takuya: I am _not_ coming out looking like this!   
Izumi: (holding a camera) Just come out already!   
Takuya: NO!   
Director: Just go! ::pushes Takuya out for everyone to see::   
Takuya is standing there facing the camera painted yellow and wearing some baggy red pants. Loud snickers are heard from the audience.   
Director (whispering again): Takuya! Squint your eyes and say the line!   
Takuya: Grr, all right, all right... ::squints his eyes:: I'm just a Bakamon! Heeheehee! ::pose::   
Izumi takes a picture and runs out while laughing insanely. Takuya stands there like a deer caught in headlights.   
Director: Well, that was rather unexpected.   
Takuya: Get back here!   
Izumi: Can you say "blackmail"?   
And so, the Neemon-ish-looking Takuya continues chasing Izumi around the studio trying to get her camera.   
Narrator: Well, um, we'd show you the other examples, but... we don't have any.   
Everyone slaps their forehead.   
Neemon walks in and sees the Neemon-ish-looking Takuya.   
Neemon: OH NO! It's my evil twin! ::runs out while flailing his arms about::

**Commercial 3**:   
Television Announcer Person: We interrupt these highly entertaining commercials to bring you a special news report!   
The view goes to a news desk and Kouji is sitting, shuffling some papers and being all news-like.   
Kouji: This just in! There have been very recent callbacks on two products. These products are "The Junpei Weight-loss Program" and "The Custom Tomoki Neck Brace". Reason for callback: They were useless pieces of crap that didn't work and weren't worth any money whatsoever. Now back to whatever you were wasting your time on.

End commercials.

--

"Must... blink... can't... go... on..." groaned Takuya.

"Eyelids... dried... out..." said Izumi.

"**OH, THE PAIN**!"

They both finally gave in and blinked.

"Aha! You blinked!" they both shouted while pointing to each other.

"No, you blinked!"

"I win! You blinked! No, you blinked!"

"ARGH!!"

WAP! BAM! KAPOW! CARTOONY FIGHT SEQUENCE! CAPS LOCK!

Vritramon was now banging his head against a cactus, completely oblivious to the fact that the needles were sticking into his skull. All Shutumon could do was shake her head.

"Um, Vritramon, maybe this mission will be a little harder than we thought," said Shutumon.

"A _little_ harder?!" he yelled back.

"Okay, a lot harder," she said, but suddenly broke out in wild giggles. "Hee hee, I said 'harder'."

Vritramon hit his head against the cactus again.

The two continued to try and pry the food out of each other's hands when they could easily just share the damn thing, but they just had to make it difficult... until Takuya spotted something.

"What is it?"

Takuya pointed. "Look over there."

She looked behind her. "It looks like..."

"An oasis!" he exclaimed gleefully.

"It's probably just a mirage."

"Well, there's only one way to find out!"

They both got up and ran toward the apparent oasis (and completely forgetting about the riceball... oh well). Sure enough, it was the real thing.

"Coolies!" they both said. Why they would say 'coolies' remains a mystery to this day. All of a sudden, they saw a weird object falling from the sky about to crash right where they were standing! Perfect timing.

"Uh oh," said Izumi.

"Oh, crap," said Takuya.

End of chapter 8.

What is the mysterious weird object about to crash into the newly discovered oasis? What the hell was up with Bokomon and Neemon? Why am I asking you questions? Find out next time in the next confusing chapter of A Funny Frontier Tale!


	9. Craziness at the Oasis

A Funny Frontier Tale   
By Super Karoru   
Chapter 9: Craziness at the Oasis

Now onward to our tale!

--

"Uh oh," said Izumi.

"Oh, crap," said Takuya.

They both screamed (rather girlishly, I might add) as they dodged the falling object. The thing crashed in between them, kicking up sand and certainly making a mess of things.

"What the heck was that?" exclaimed Izumi.

Whatever it was, it made its way up from the newly formed crater of sand. Why, it was... ! ... a squirrel.

"Hello!" it squeaked. "I'm Chippy, the magical squirrel! And I'm here to grant you three wishes!"

"Are you a Digimon?" asked Takuya.

"What? No! I'm just a run-of-the-mill squirrel. Well, er, except for the talking part. Can't semi-normal animals coexist with Digimon?"

"I've never thought of that before..."

"Then what were we eating in the place of chicken if no real chickens are in the Digital World?" questioned Izumi.

--

The scene switches to a Chickenmon.

"Help! My species is being killed everyday to be treated as tasty goodness! Stop the madness!!"

--

Takuya and Izumi looked up, wondering and making "hmmm" sounds.

"May I grant those wishes or not?"

"GET AWAY FROM ME, YA BASTARD SQUIRREL!" exclaimed Takuya, startling the two others in his vicinity. He proceeded to kick the squirrel, and it sailed off and away into the horizon.

"Why on earth did you kick that squirrel?" questioned Izumi.

"I dunno, I've just always wanted to kick a magical squirrel. And now I have! MY LIFE IS COMPLETE."

"... You have weird goals."

"So what do we do now?" asked Takuya, changing the subject.

That's Kouji's line!

"Oops, sorry. So, what now?"

"I... don't... know," responded Izumi.

"Well, we're supposed to say or do something funny and witty before there's a scene switch."

"But I can't think of anything!"

"Well, hurry up!"

"I'm thinking!"

"Wait a second! Nooo..."

--

Meanwhile, in a random jungle.

The squirrel stood up and brushed itself off. "Ah, so they decide to kick me, eh? Well, I'll show them!"

It morphed into a huge squirrel wizard with evil powers that could destroy the world. Oh no! Suddenly, it was shot.

"Hyuk hyuk hyuk, Billy Bob! We done have us some good eatin's tonight!"

--

Meanwhile, back with goggle boy and purple hat girl, it was now evening.

"Evening?" asked Takuya. "How'd it get to night so fast?"

"Plothole," stated Izumi.

Now it was time to set up camp at the oasis!

"Let us set up camp!" exclaimed Takuya.

Izumi sighed.

Let's see... What do they need to do? Oh yeah! Make a campfire!

"I guess we make a campfire now," said Takuya.

"Wow, you think?" asked Izumi, sarcastically.

Takuya and Izumi making a campfire together... How adorable!

"Shut up!" said the two.

Now it was time to look for food.

"I guess we--" started Takuya.

"Don't say it!"

Takuya and Izumi looking for food together... How equally adorable!

"Shut up! We're merely surviving!"

"Say, what is there to eat at this oasis, anyway?" asked Izumi.

They both saw a tree with meat apples on it.

"How are there meat apples in a desert?" asked Takuya.

They're, um... desert meat apples.

"Oh, okay," said the two.

It took quite a while to reach these apples. At first, they attempted to cut it down, but with nothing to slice the wood with, Izumi suggested Takuya's head could do the job. That didn't work very well. Next, they tried biting it. That didn't work well, either, and they ended up with tongue splinters. While they we sitting at the bottom, trying to think, a convenient desert wind blew by, which conveniently sent two apples from the tree plummeting towards the ground and into their laps. There was much rejoicing (and a bit of swearing on the side).

"And now we cook the apples!" exclaimed Takuya, while holding the apple up for all to see.

"No, you can eat the apple raw, Takuya. I don't mind if you get sick." Izumi smiled.

"Hey!"

It's time for a romantic dinner!

"**SHUT UP**."

--

Behind some nearby palm trees.

"Okay! This is it!" Vritramon began. "This time we will fulfill our mission!"

"What mission?" asked Shutumon.

Vritramon slapped his forehead in frustration. "The mission we've been sent on! You know, getting Takuya and Izumi to admit the depths of their passion for each other."

"Oh! _That_ mission!"

"Yes, that mission. Okay, we need a plan!"

"So what's th--"

"And don't ask me what the plan is!"

"I have a plan!"

"And?"

"And what?" asked Vritramon.

"So what's the plan?"

"What plan?"

"The plan that you just said you had!"

"I had a plan?"

"Now _you're_ being dumb!" she yelled.

"Um, look, okay. Here's the plan. I want you to go get Izumi alone, and..."

"You want me to hit on Izumi?"

"NO, YOU MORON!" Vritramon quickly calmed down, "I want you to go have a heart-to-heart talk with her."

"Awww, that sounds nice," Shutumon responded. "But, uh, what about?"

Vritramon sighed. "Damn it, woman! About Izumi's feelings for Takuya!"

"But how did you know Izumi had feelings for Takuya?"

"Um, good question. Anyway, just go and try and convince her to admit her feelings to Takuya while I'll do the same with him."

"You mean you want him to admit feelings to himself?"

"JUST GO."

"Okay, okay. I'm going, I'm going."

Shutumon scuttled over to Izumi since she and Takuya where now doing separate things... that require separate-ness. While Shutumon made this perilous journey, Vritramon made his way over toward Takuya. They were both wondering what their different reactions would be.

Vritramon stepped up to Takuya. (In super-chibified form, I should add.) Takuya didn't seem to notice him, as he was deep in thought.

"Um, hello, Takuya," said Vritramon, not sure how else to greet him.

That certainly snapped Takuya from his thoughts, and he adverted his gaze to the chibi Beast Form that had recently plagued his dreams.

"Vritramon! How the hell?!"

"Quiet! Quiet!" Vritramon exclaimed frantically. "Look, I'm here because I've been sent on a mission to fulfill and the only way I can fulfill it is if you fulfill your mission which I told you to fulfill so I could fulfill my mission!"

"... What?"

He sighed, "Just go tell Izumi you love her, okay?"

"_What_?!"

"I said..."

"No, no. I heard what you said, but... _What_?!"

"This is going to be a little harder than I thought," groaned Vritramon.

--

Meanwhile, over with Izumi and Shutumon.

"Hey, Izumi!"

"Oh, hi, Shutumon!" Izumi responded cheerfully.

"You're probably wondering what I'm doing here," said Shutumon.

"Well, no. Not really."

"Well, anyway, I'm here because I've been sent on a mission to fulfill and the only way I can fulfill it is if you fulfill your mission which I told you to fulfill so I could fulfill my mission."

"Oh, okay. That makes perfect sense."

"Good. So you're going to tell Takuya that you love him?"

"... What?!"

"Maybe that love test was a little off," Shutumon wondered.

- - -

Meanwhile (jeez, what's with all the meanwhiles?), over with the confused goggle boy and the dragon whose patience was wearing thin.

"So, exactly when are you going to tell Izumi that you love her? Because there's no point in denying it!" asked Vritramon.

"Well, um, I really didn't think about that. I mean, well, what would I say?"

"How about the words 'I love you, Izumi'?"

"That'd be too easy."

Vritramon slapped his forehead again. "Well, I'll tell you what."

"What?" asked Takuya.

"You figure out the dialogue while we'll set the 'mood'." Oh my goodness! Take that as you will!

But before Takuya could respond, Vritramon had walked off.

"The 'mood'? But what am I gonna say? ... Hey, what did he mean 'we'll'? Is he plotting against me with another?!"

--

Provisionally (another word for meanwhile)!

"What the hell am I supposed to say to Takuya?!" the frantic blonde asked Shutumon.

"How 'bout the words 'I love you Takuya"?"

"That's too hard."

Shutumon sighed. "Um, how about you figure out your exact words while we'll set the 'mood'? Hee hee hee," Shutumon giggled, obviously thinking the same thing about the word "mood" as some of the more corrupted people in the audience.

But before Izumi could get her say in, Shutumon had scuttled away. She certainly likes to scuttle.

"Mood? Hm, I guess I could tell Takuya my deepest darkest secret that I've loved him ever since I met him." Love at first sight! Believe me, I'm not forcing any couplings! "... Hey, what'd she mean by 'we'll'?"

--

Later, after some contemplating to themselves, Takuya and Izumi finally got enough guts to go and talk to each other.

"Uh, um... Hey, Izumi..." Takuya said nervously.

"Uh, hi, Takuya..." Izumi said just as nervously.

"Listen, there's, um, something I want to tell you."

"Yes?"

They started to hear romantic piano music in the background from a certain Disney movie. They looked deeply into each other's eyes. You know, like one of those corny love scenes. Begin... now! Piano music started to get louder with other background instruments joining in. Then Takuya started to sing! Very professionally, I might add. They both took this very normally, for some strange reason.

"I can show you the Digi-World..." Takuya sang. "Shining, shimmering, splendid! Tell me, Izumi, now when did you last let your heart decide?"

More piano music. Izumi started getting all starry-eyed.

"I can open your eyes... Take you through this quest, it's a wonder. Over, sideways, and under on a crazy Trailmon ride... A whole new Digi-World! A new evolution point of view! No one to tell us no, or where this quest goes! I just know I'm not dreaming..."

Izumi started to sing (also very professionally)!

"A whole new Digi-World! A place that seemed I always knew... Now that we're way out here... It's crystal-clear... That now I'm in a whole new Digi-World with you!"

How the heck do they know the words? Have they been rehearsing?

"Now I'm in a whole new Digi-World with you!" sang Takuya.

Then they both started gracefully walking around the oasis as Izumi continued singing. "Unbelievable sights! Indescribable feeling! Questing, evolving, free-wheeling under this endless diamond sky!" The stars twinkled as if on cue. "A whole new Digi-World!"

"Don't you dare give up the quest!" sang Takuya.

"How much more further?"

"It can't get any better!"

Izumi continued to sing as they both stood next to each other. "We're like shooting stars! We've come so far! I can't even remember where we're supposed to be..."

"A whole new Digi-World!"

"Every turn, there's some surprise!"

"With new horizons..."

"Every moment gets better!"

Then they both sang together while turning toward each other. "I'll chase you anywhere! But there's no time to spare! Let me share this whole new Digi-World with you..."

"A whole new Digi-World..." sang Takuya.

Izumi's cue. "A whole new Digi-World..."

"That's where we'll be!"

"That's where we'll be!"

"A crazy chase..."

"But a wondrous place..."

Then they both sang. "For you and me..." Now, this would be a great time for them to kiss, don't you think? Puh-lease, that would be so predictable, and... oh wait, never mind, they just did.

--

Meanwhile, in a random forest.

"Did you just hear piano music and two people singing, Bokomon?" asked Neemon.

"No. But let's make a promise," said Bokomon.

"What?"

"That we will never get into the magic mushroom garden again!"

"Agreed!"

Dun dunn dunnn! The mystery is solved! But let's get back to Takuya and Izumi, shall we?

--

We go back to the oasis and we see our favorite little couple sitting next to each other by the water, and Izumi is leaning her head on Takuya's shoulder.

"I wuv ya, Izumi!"

"I love me too!"

Takuya glared.

"Just kidding. I love you too. But I didn't know you could sing that well."

"Me neither!"

--

Over at where Vritramon and Shutumon are at.

"Yes! We succeeded in our mission! We did it, Vritramon!" Shutumon shouted happily as she observed the lovey-dovey scene by the water.

"Yeah, good thing I took those piano lessons, huh?" he responded with a grin.

And so, the two Beast Spirits were very happy, but Takuya and Izumi were even happier as they had finally told each other their true feelings and gotten one heck of a load off their minds! Yes, everyone, that's your cue to say "AWWWWWW".

"AWWWWWW!"

End of chapter 9.

What the hell am I smoking? Perhaps you'll find out next time on A Funny Frontier Tale!


	10. Super Kouji Sunshine!

A Funny Frontier Tale  
By Super Karoru  
Chapter 10: Super Kouji Sunshine!

Now onward to our tale!

--

Narrator: Long ago, the Digital World was guarded by the Legendary Warrior Ten. Now, their spirits are rising again...

The song FIRE!! plays and we all dance and sing along.

Title: A Funny Frontier Tale! (As if it isn't obvious by now)

Takuya (v/o): Chapter 10! Super Kouji Sunshine!

With that out of the way, how about we get to the _real_ story?

--

As the sun rose over the desert horizon, the morning rays reach the oasis where we last left Takuya and Izumi, who were in a rather _scandalous_ situation. By remarkable coincidence (again), they awoke to begin the next installment of their quest.

"Woah, I just had the weirdest dream," Takuya stated, rather disoriented. "We were singing a parody of a song from Aladdin. But that would be so stupid and corny!"

"Uh, I don't think the singing part was a dream, Takuya," Izumi commented.

"You mean we actually _sang_?!"

"Unfortunately..."

"But it moved the plot along, didn't it?"

"That would be the only good thing."

Yay for ruined romantic scenes!

By another coincidence, an interdemensional rift opened above the couple, producing a lit Bomb-Omb. Upon its crash, it exploded. Takuya and Izumi's clothes were now charred.

"Well, that's a way to start the day, huh?" Takuya said, waving away the smoke.

After the debris cleared, Takuya noticed something on the sand behind Izumi.

"Hey, what's that?" Takuya said as he got up to inspect whatever it was.

"Looks like a note," she responded.

The note read: **Greetings! Come and enjoy the tropical resort of Isle Delfino!**

"Isle Delfino?" they both said in unison.

"Where have I heard that name before?" Takuya pondered as he got into a pondering pose.

"Who cares? It said a tropical resort! That's got to be better than this crazy desert deathtrap! Let's go!" Izumi said dramatically as she grabbed Takuya by the arm.

"Um, but how the hell are we gonna get there?"

Then suddenly another rift (plothole) opened up with a sign over it that said: **Use this plothole to get to the tropical resort of Isle Delfino!**

They both just shrugged and stepped in.

--

Da da da da dun dunnn da da dunn daaaaaaaaaaah!!

--

Takuya and Izumi had arrived at the tropical resort of Isle Delfino. The sun was shining! The water was clear, clean, and pristine! The sand was sandy! And the palm trees were palm-treey. Everything was perfect! Well, except for the weird multi-colored graffiti that was all over the place.

"My, this author's all for descriptions, isn't she?" said a familiar voice of a familiar Digimon who familiarly snaps Neemon's pants.

Takuya and Izumi looked over toward the voice and standing there was Bokomon and Neemon and Kouji and Junpei and Tomoki and there's too many ands.

"I guess you guys got the same note?" Kouji asked the new arrivals.

"Yeah. Weird," responded Takuya.

"But it's a tropical island," grinned Izumi.

"So that means..."

"It's beach bonanza time!" exclaimed the CCs.

Just when they were about to strip down to go skinny dipping, they heard…

"STOP RIGHT THERE!"

"Huh?"

A funky looking guy with bright blue rubbery skin, little eyes, and a big nose stepped out, blocking their path. It was a Pianta!

"You can't go one step further!" shouted the Pianta.

"And just why not?" demanded Izumi.

"Because there's trouble on Isle Delfino!"

"Gasp! Trouble?"

"Yes! Trouble! Haven't you noticed all the graffiti everywhere?"

"Well, now that you mention it..."

"And that's why you can't… Gasp!"

Everyone looked around frantically.

"You!" He pointed at Kouji. "You look just like the criminal terrorizing our happy little Isle Delfino!"

"What the fook are you talking about?"

"Kouji! I didn't know you had a secret life of crime!" exclaimed Takuya.

"I don't have a secret life of crime!"

"What does fook mean?" asked Tomoki, scratching his head in confusion.

"I haven't had a line in this chapter yet," grumbled Junpei.

"Quiet! Let the weirdo speak!" shouted Izumi.

"Are you talking about me?" asked Neemon.

"Hellooooooo!" shouted the blue dude. "You're under arrest, you bandana person!"

"But I didn't do anything!" Kouji claimed, holding his hands out in front of him.

"Unless you have a secret life of crime!" exclaimed Takuya.

"I don't have a fookin' secret life of crime!"

"What does fook mean?!" Tomoki asked again.

"Would you all stop with the exclamations!!" shouted Junpei.

"But if Kouji doesn't have a secret life of crime, then who does?"

"I think we've established that no one has a secret life of crime, Takuya," Bokomon sighed.

"Would you all be quiet and let the weirdo speak?!" screamed Izumi.

"Who, me?" asked Neemon.

"Quiet, Bakamon!" Bokomon snapped Neemon's pants again.

"Ouchie!"

The Isle Delfino weirdo's right eye was now twitching. "Someone just arrest the bandana person!"

"ENOUGH!!" shouted another voice from the statue in the town square. Huge blobs of multi-colored graffiti were fired at the Chosen Children.

Everyone screamed as they dodged the projectiles.

"Who did that?" Kouji asked to no one in particular.

Then the criminal revealed himself to be…

…

…

…

(dun dun dun)

"**Kouichi?!**" exclaimed Kouji very dramatically.

"Yes, it is I! Kouichi!" the boy laughed.

Kouji sweatdropped. "Kouichi, what the fook do you think you're doing?"

"Well, I know I'm supposed to be all possessed and evil and stuff and then turn good and all that, but I got another evil streak! And well, you know how it is with those evil streaks..."

Kouji blinked. "Actually, I don't..."

The Pianta frantically looked back and both between Kouji and Kouichi. "I can't tell them apart!" He fainted from confusion.

"So what do we do now?" Kouji asked the group.

Toadsworth suddenly appeared out of nowhere. "You must defeat your brother using this high-tech water cannon," the old fart explained.

"What?" questioned Kouji, who was wondering whether to believe a talking mushroom or not.

"I said you have to defeat your brother using this high-tech water cannon," he explained again as he held up the device for all to see.

"Can't I just Spirit Evolve and kick his ass that way?"

"No, you have to use the water cannon. That's how it is in the game!"

"He's right, you know," Kouichi said.

The high-tech water cannon started talking in a high-pitched robotic voice, "Greetings. I am FLUDD." FLUDD proceeded with scanning his new 'master'. "User identified as Kouji."

"All right, all right. I'll do it," said Kouji. "But I am _not_ wearing the overalls!"

"Why, do they clash with your outfit?" Kouichi questioned.

"No, it matches, it just rides up after a while."

Toadsworth cleared his throat, not appreciating that tidbit of information. "One more thing I forgot to mention. To actually begin this assignment, you must first say the line."

"What line?"

"_The_ line."

Kouji didn't like where this was going. He sighed. "Supaa Kou-ji Sun-shine! Whoohoo!" he exclaimed in his best Mario impression.

No one was around to hear that lovely rendition, luckily, as they had already started their holiday.

--

Meanwhile, in a dark secret canyon hideout.

The Evil Hybrids were in their secret liar doing Evil Hybrid-type-things.

Grottomon was over in the corner holding a little hand-held mirror, beholding his vasige. "You know, I was thinking about getting plastic surgery to get rid of my huge nose..."

"Ha! You think that's bad!" said Ranamon from over on the other side of the room. "At least you don't Spirit Evolve into a drag queen!"

"I have it worse!" shouted Mercuremon. "I have no face! All I have is lips on a mirror, which is my head."

"Um, shouldn't we be doing Evil Hybrid type-things?" asked Abormon.

"Right! This is no time for chit-chat!" Grottomon said as he tossed the mirror behind him. It crashed on the floor.

"Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Seven years bad luck!" shouted everyone but Grottomon. Grottomon raised an eyebrow.

"I need to steal some spirits!" Grottomon shouted like an angry drunk. "Golemon! Come!"

Two Golemon were on the computer over in the corner.

"Aww, but we're feeding our Neopets!" they said in unison. Grottomon slapped his forehead.

"You morons! We've got to go steal those kids spirits!" the huge-nosed one shouted.

"Hey, have you ever noticed that when we're in the show, we're artificially created?" asked Golemon #1 to Golemon #2.

"Yeah! That sucks," responded Golemon #2.

"Let's just go!!" shouted everyone but Grottomon and the Golemons.

"Okay, okay!"

And so Grottomon, the two Golemon, Ranamon, Mercuremon, and Arbormon ran out in their evil-ish fashion.

"I'm surrounded by idiots..." grumbled Cherubimon from the ceiling.

--

And we're back on Isle Delfino! The trees were green! The sun was sunny! The sand was sandy! And the water was wet!

"**WE KNOW**!" shouted Takuya, Junpei, and Tomoki, who were now lying in lounge chairs on the beach in their swimsuits. Izumi was currently in the changing rooms.

Then (dramatic music plays) the Evil Hybrids made a dazzling entrance! But how'd they get there so fast? Ah, details, details... The Team Rocket music started playing in the background.

"Prepare for trouble! And make it double!" said the evil Digimon.  
"To cause the Digital World devastation!" said Grottomon.  
"To steal all spirits within our nation!" said Ranamon.  
"To announce the evils of truth and love!" said Mercuremon.  
"To obey the orders of Cherubimon-sama!" said Abormon.  
"Grottomon!"  
"Ranamon!"  
"Mercuremon!"  
"Arbormon!"  
"The Evil Hybrids team stealing spirits at the speed of light! Surrender them now or you're in for a fight!"  
"Golemon! That's right!" said the two Golemon.

Takuya, Tomoki, and Junpei started in bafflement.

"At least they didn't sing," commented Takuya.

The others nodded.

"It's not fair. I just know I'm going to be emotionally scarred after this quest is over," Tomoki said in a saddened manner.

"Come on, let's just Spirit Evolve and kick their asses," said Takuya, obviously bored.

And so, la dee da da, they Spirit Evolved into Agnimon, Blitzmon, and Chakmon. Blitzmon and Chakmon started fighting Ranamon, Mercuremon,and Arbormon. And Grottomon ran off with the two Golemon coming with him and Agnimon went after them. Ooo, fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! BLOODSHED!

--

"WAH HAH HA!! You'll never catch me, Kouji!" said Kouichi as he amazingly leaped tall buildings in a single bound, eventually leading them into the town square.

"How high can he jump?!" exclaimed Kouji.

Kouichi sprung on the nearest and highest rooftop, leaving Kouji on the ground dumbfounded.

"How am I supposed to get up there?"

"You can use the hover mode, you know," stated the FLUDD.

"Crazy contraption," the boy grumbled to himself.

Kouji used the super hover mode thingy to gain some height. Look up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Super Kouji!

"WAH HAH HA!" laughed Kouichi from another rooftop.

"I'll get you soon enough, you dastardly fiend!"

"Um, I beg your pardon, but we're almost out of water," said FLUDD.

The bandana-boy looked down and realized he was about fifty feet in the air over the water canal into the island.. and was about to fall. "Oh, crap."

--

"Get back here, you freaky little gnome!" shouted Agnimon while still pursuing Grottomon.

"Nyahahahahahahaha!" laughed Grottomon. _Damn! Why'd those stupid Golemon have to fall in the water and melt?!_ "Nyahaha ha HA! You shall feel my wrath! Taste my fury! Um... get a butt kickin'!"

Grottomon stopped and turned around, causing Agnimon to stop in annoyance. Grottomon looked like he was trying to pull something out of the ground, but to no avail. He started swearing to himself, while Agnimon raised an eyebrow.

"Hey! Where's my big mallet-thingy that always seems to pop out of the ground?"

"Um, we're standing on a concrete road," said Agnimon.

Sure enough, they were standing on concrete. Grottomon swore again.

"I think I have a spare over near the dressing rooms..." said the gnome as he made a dash for the changing area.

"The dressing rooms?" Agnimon questioned. "But isn't that where Izumi... Oh, sh--!"

--

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH..."

SPLASH!

Kouji had just fallen from the sky into the canal, becoming completely soaked.

"Screw this stupid FLUDD and its shoddy instruction manual that you have to be trilingual to read! Spirit Evolution, Wolfmon!"

"Eeep!" said Kouichi.

"Licht Seiger!"

--

"Golden Thunder!" shouted Blitzmon as he powered up his fists with electricity. Ranamon just splashed a little water on him, thereby electrocuting him.

"GAHAHAACKAKAKA!" He fell on the ground, twitching.

"Help! I'm melting!" said the puddle that was left of Chakmon. I guess little snowman bears and hot tropical islands don't mix.

The three Evil Hybrids blinked. "Well, that was easy."

--

"Grottomon's heading right where Izumi is getting dressed! Oh crap! Oh crap! Oh crap! Oh crap!"

Grottomon made a leap for the female dressing rooms and was right over the building.

"Oh no you don't, you perverted little gnome!"

Agnimon rushed at Grottomon with an aerial attack, sending them both downward toward the roof of the female changing area at full speed.

Grottomon yelped at the sight of the oncoming roof at his face.

"Oh no!"

--

"Why am I getting that episode 15 feeling?"

--

Swearing and screams were heard during the fall.

--

WHAAM! CRASH! PAIN!

After the dust cleared from the crash, it left one wide-eyed Agnimon, an opened-mouthed Grottomon and one half-exposed and Izumi.

"Sweet mother of Vritramon! I didn't mean for this to happen, Izumi!"

"GET OUT!"

Agnimon did as told, dragging Grottomon behind him.

"Spirt Evolution, Fairymon!" was heard from inside.

Agnimon was freaking out while Grottomon was still shocked.

Fairymon burst forth from the dressing rooms with pure fairy fury.

"Izumi, I swear! The freaky gnome! It was him! You're scaring me! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do that thing like I accidentally did in episode 15!"

Then Agnimon got on his knees and scooted up to Fairymon, grabbing her around the waist and begging for forgiveness with gushing tears. This surprised her a bit.

"Aw, I'm not going to kill you or anything, Taku. What, are you scared of me or something?"

"Oh, nonono…" He nervously laughed.

"Anyway, let's get that freaky little gnome!"

"Hell yeah!"

They both stepped towards him. Grottomon was still lying on the ground, shocked with mouth agape. Agnimon kicked him a bit with his foot, but he didn't move.

"Methinks he doesn't get out too much," Agnimon commented.

Fairymon kicked him a good distance toward the other side of the island.

"Now let's find the others and resume lounging around like a bunch of lazy bums!" Fairymon commanded.

"Hell yeah!"

--

Ranamon, Mercuremon, and Abormon were standing around looking bored at the charred Blitzmon and the melted Chakmon.

"Blub... blub... blub..." said the puddle formally known as Chakmon.

"Now what?" asked Arbormon.

The three noticed something falling from the sky and heading right towards them.

"Look up in the sky! It's a bird!" said Abormon.

"It's a plane!" said Mercuremon.

Ranamon squinted. "No. ... It's just Grottomon."

Grottomon crashed right into them, somehow causing a chain reaction and blasting them all to somewhere else!

" Looks like the Evil Hybrids team are blasting off agaaaaain!"

Ping!

Agnimon and Fairymon discovered their fallen comrades.

"Uhhhhh..."

Twitch. Twitch.

Glub. Glub.

"Well, I'd better get a mop..." said Fairymon.

Fairymon mopped up Chakmon while Agnimon poked Blitzmon with a stick.

"Hee hee. Poke poke," said Agnimon.

Wolfmon appeared on the scene, looking quite happy.

"Well, that takes care of that!" he said, wiping his hands with his scarf.

"What happened to Kouichi?" asked Agnimon.

--

"**Get me down from here!!**"

Kouichi was on the other side of the island, currently tied-up and hanging upside down from a tree.

"Kouji, get back here! You can't do this to me, dear brother! I thought we had a bond!"

--

"He had other stuff to do," said Wolfmon.

They all stood around for a minute or so.

"So... why aren't we de-evolving?" asked Fairymon.

The Pianta who had previously fainted appeared to explain, chuckling nervously. "Well, um, y'see, we've got a bit of a communications problem here on Isle Delfino… and it might just be affecting your D-Scanners. So… you might be stuck like that for a little while."

"Gasp! We're trapped!" exclaimed Agnimon.

"In our Digimon forms!" exclaimed Fairymon.

"On Isle Delfino!" exclaimed Wolfmon.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!"

But wait, where are Bokomon and Neemon in the midst of this chaos?

--

Bokomon and Neemon had been pampering themselves in a nearby spa. At the moment, they were wearing mud beauty masks with cucumber slices over their eyes, while getting manicures.

"I feel pretty!" said Neemon.

End of chapter 10.

The less said the better. Stay tuned, stick around, and other similar phrases for "DON'T LEAVE ME PLEASE", so you may read the next enlightening chapter of A Funny Frontier Tale!


	11. Return of the Evil Dub Selves

A Funny Frontier Tale  
By Super Karoru  
Chapter 11: Return of the Evil Dub Selves

Now onward to our tale!

--

We open to the "happy" little island of Isle Delfino. You should know what it looks like by now. Anywho, let's see how our victims… I mean, the CCs are fairing in their trapped Digimon forms, shall we?

--

We go a little way down the beach next to the pool.

"Ahhh, just relaxing on the beach..." said the healed Blitzmon, who was lying in a lounge chair. The chair suddenly starting creaking.

CRASH!

"Damn it! That's the fifteenth one today! Don't they make any beach chairs for giant metal beetles?"

--

In the town square, near the giant statue of some weirdo, we see Wolfmon sitting against the statue and trying to perfect his Licht Seiger twirl move.

"Let's see, it looks so easy on TV with the special effects and all," he pondered. "Okay, first I have to be standing." He stood up with both light thingers in hand. "Then I start out with the thingers together and twirling in front of me..." He started twirling the attached thingers. "And then I pull them them apart and semi-twirl them..." So, he de-attached the light thingers and semi-twirled them in mid-air. "Okay, next, bringing the light part together to cause a big light-ball-thingy..."

He brought the sabers together, causing a ball of light to shoot out towards you and...

"I did it!"

... shoot right into a palm tree and setting it on fire.

"That tree's on fire!" yelled Isle Delfinoin #67.

The palm tree exploded in blue flames and crashed to the ground.

"Help! I'm trapped under the flaming tree!" shrieked Isle Delfinoin #31.

"Who set that palm tree on fire?!" demanded Isle Delfinoin #85.

Wolfmon hid the light sabers behind his back and tip-toed away, whistling innocently.

--

Agnimon and Fairymon were taking a walk.

"Hey, Izumi?" asked Agnimon.

"Yeah?"

"I've been meaning to ask you something."

"Yes?"

"How can see when you're Fairymon with that metal-thing over your eyes?" he asked while pointing to it.

"I have no idea. I'm blind!" she yelled as she ran into a wall.

"Uh, never mind, then."

--

Let's just say Chakmon is in a random freezer chillin'. Ah heh heh… bad joke.

--

We return to the spa and still find Bokomon and Neemon. Only this time, they're getting back massages.

"We should come to Isle Delfino more often!" proclaimed Bokomon.

"Yeah! I love this place!" agreed Neemon.

--

"I HATE THIS PLACE!"

We see Grottomon, Ranamon, Mercuremon, and Arbormon battered and bruised in a secluded patch of dark trees on the other side of the island.

"You've been saying that for the past fifteen minutes, Grottomon. We know! SO SHUT YOUR TRAP!" screeched Ranamon.

"Sorry," replied Grottomon.

Mercuremon pulled a cleaning cloth out of nowhere and started polishing his arm mirrors while asking, "What is our next plan of attack to steal those children's spirits?"

"Yeah, what?" asked Arbormon.

"Me know evil plan to get little Spirit kids this time!" said another voice from behind them that sounded like a Russian with bad grammar.

"Huh? Who said that?" asked Grottomon.

"Sugah, what makes ya think this plan's gonna be bettah?" said another voice, but it was in a Southern Belle accent.

"... Sugah?" asked Ranamon.

"Thou best think of hath plan fast," said a Shakespearean-type voice.

"... Interesting," said Mercuremon.

"Yo! Yo! Yo! Now we'll see sum action out here, huh?" said voice sounding like a bad mafia impersonator.

Arbormon blinked in confusion.

Grottomon, Ranamon, Mercuremon, and Abormon turned around to come face-to-face with none other than…

--

"Huh? Izumi, do you hear that?" asked Agnimon.

"Um, no. What?"

"You know, mindless fill-in chatter when there's supposed to be silence."

They both got looks on their faces of pure horror.

"Oh... crap," they said in unison.

--

Meanwhile, near the top of the mountain area on the island. A dark plothole had just closed but shadowed the five figures in its dark light.

"Did they really think that they could get rid of us that easily? _Ha-ha-ha! _I think not!"

Maniacal laughter in bad voices could be heard echoing across the island.

--

"Huh? What the... ?" Blitzmon asked himself as he set up his twenty-third beach chair. "It sounds like... like..."

--

"... Jungle music?" questioned Wolfmon, raising an eyebrow.

--

"Lines are being butchered!" screamed Chakmon.

--

"Bad editing! We sense bad editing!" yelled Agnimon and Fairymon as they ran toward the source of the EVIL.

--

Meanwhile, in the local spa.

"I need a foot rub," said Bokomon.

"But I want to get in the jacuzzi!" said Neemon.

--

Our heroes continued running and met together in the town square.

"Do you guys sense it?" Agnimon asked the group.

"Yes! It can only be--!"

The evil laughter echoed louder across the land, and the sky grew dark as lightning struck all around.

"It's... it's... IT'S--!" they choked.

_**The return of the evil dub selves!**_

"NOOOOOOOO!"

"Yes! We have returned!" proclaimed Agunimon as he and his cohorts descended from the... place. More lightning! Crash! Bam! Dramatic music!

"HA HA HA ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HA!" they all cackled.

"So we meet again!" yelled Agnimon, clenching his fists.

"Yes, we meet... again! HA ha ha ha HA HA HA ha HA!" Agunimon strangely laughed.

"Evil! EEEEEVIL!" chanted Fairymon, Wolfmon, Blitzmon, and Chakmon.

"HA HA HA HA HA! You will fall to our evil wrath!" shouted Kazemon, Lobomon, Beetlemon, and Kumamon.

The DigiDestined have returned for a rematch against the Chosen Children! There's only one thing to do!

"And what's that?"

Celebrity deathmatch time!

"Eh?"

The ground began shaking beneath them and turned into a gigantic arena. There was a huge boxing ring in the middle surrounded by stadium seats. Look, it came already with the crowd! And they're just as violent as I am!

"TEAR THEM APART!!" screamed a spectator as she foamed at the mouth.

"RIP HIS EYES OUT AND EAT HIS CHILDREN."

"RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE."

"Eep," commented the DigiDestined.

An announcer box appeared out of nowhere and two announcers popped up, named Joe and Steve.

"And welcome to today's assortment of Celebrity Deathmatch - Digimon Frontier version!" Announcer Joe said, while grinning.

"It should be a great match today! We've got the Chosen Children (originals) and the DigiDestined (dub) pitted against each other in a brawl of death. This should be great!" Announcer Steve stated.

"Yay! Go original! Go original!"

A green and black lettered logo pops on the screen.

Announcer Steve cleared his throat, "Today's match was brought to you by Karoru Corporations™. Patent pending." He began to sing. "Karoru Corporations™! For all your insanity supplying needs!"

"Now let's get this match started!" Announcer Joe... announced.

"Horraaaaay!" the crowd cheered.

--

**Round One**: Agnimon vs. Agunimon

Both Frontier parties now had their own dugouts on opposite sides of the ring. Agnimon and Agunimon both met in the ring. Toad stepped out in between them, wearing a referee uniform.

"You two know the rules, right?" Toad asked them.

"Yeah! Battle to the death!" they both shouted while glaring at each other.

"Close enough. Three, two, one... begin!"

Koopa Troopa rang the bell from the side, while Toad took cover a good distance away from the ring. The battle began!

Agnimon pointed at Agunimon and shouted, "You're going down! I'm gonna Digicode Scan your ass off!"

"Not if I Fractal Code Digitize your ass off first!" shouted Agunimon. "Pyro Tornado!"

"Not another pyro name! Burning Salamander!"

The two attacks clashed in the center of the ring. The crowd is in a frenzy!

"Yay," the crowd droned.

I SAID FRENZY, DAMN IT!

"YAY! WOOHOO! Kick ass, Agnimon!"

Very good. Oh noes, Agunimon was going to attack again!

"Pyro Darts! Huh!"

"The name itself is weakening!"

The attack hit Agnimon straight on and blasted him back against the ring.

"Gasp!" gasped a spectator.

"No! It can't end like this!"

"Hurry, Agnimon! Give him the chair!" shouted a random hobo.

"The... chair?"

Agunimon was coming in for the kill.

"Pyro..."

"Enough with your damn pyros!" Agnimon said as he grabbed a metal folding chair and lunged at Agunimon. "Ahhh!"

WHAM! ... Clunk.

The metal folding chair had a dent in the shape of Agunimon's head on it. Agnimon looked wide-eyed at the chair and then at the unconscious Agunimon on the ground.

"... Cool!" he said.

"One... two... three... He's out!" said Toad.

"Go, Agnimon! Go, Agnimon! It's your birthday! It's your birthday!"

"I really wish people would stop saying that," Wolfmon groaned.

**Winner of Round One**: Agnimon!

--

**Round Two**: Fairymon vs. Kazemon

"Hey, isn't it weird how they used an English name in Japan and a Japanese name in the dub?" Fairymon asked her dub counterpart.

"Yeah, that is weird," agreed Kazemon.

"Who cares? Just start killing each other!" yelled Toad.

"Right!" they both said as they got into battle poses.

In the Chosen Childrens' dugout.

"Hey, what if this turns into a catfight?" Blitzmon asked the other guys.

Agnimon and Wolfmon raised their eyebrows at him.

"What?"

Back to the carnage.

"Brezza Petalo!"

"Hurricane Wind!"

Being the same Digimon, the attacks equally clashed.

_Darn! I need some ultra great way to beat her! _Fairymon thought to herself. _Something so dazzling and clever to beat that little bitch!_

The idea came to her in a stroke of genius.

"Ooo, look over there!" Fairymon said, pointing to something behind her opponent.

"Huh? What?" Kazemon glanced behind herself.

KAPOW!

"One... two... three! Kazemon's out!" said Toad.

"Yeah! Boo yah!" said Fairymon while sticking her face right into the camera, grinning insanely.

"Well... that was easy," said Koopa Troopa. "I came here for bloodshed, damn it! Er, oops, I mean..." He then went back to speaking his Koopa Troopa language.

**Winner of Round Two**:Fairymon!

"YAY!!"

Ah, senseless violence, you gotta love it.

--

**Round Three**: Wolfmon vs. Lobomon

"Lobomon? You have _got_ to be kidding," Wolfmon stated.

"Shut up, you!"

"Aaaaaand... fight!" shouted Toad as Koopa Troopa rang the bell again.

"Licht Seiger!"

"Lobo Kendo!"

But Lobomon's attack missed because Wolfmon had fallen over, snickering at the silliness of his adversary's attack name.

"Stop laughing at me!" yelled Lobomon, as he stomped his right foot down in annoyance.

"But your names are soooooo stupid!"

"At least my name has originality! Hmph!" said Lobomon as he turned his back on Wolfmon with his arms crossed.

Wolfmon blinked. "Idiot. Your name is Spanish for "wolf". Ah well, Licht Seiger!"

Too bad Lobomon forgot you should never turn your back in a fight.

WHAM! SLASH! KAPOW! CHEAP SOUND EFFECTS!

"Aaaaaand Lobomon is outta here!" Toad stated. Lobomon was now unconscious on the ground.

"Are they all this easy to beat?" questioned Wolfmon, smugly.

**Winner of Round Three**: Wolfmon!

"Woohoo! Who's your daddy?!" chanted the crowd. That's it, no more beer at the concession stand.

--

**Round Four**: Chakmon vs. Kumamon

"Okay, evil Chakmon clone! I'm gonna beat you up and make the others proud of me!" exclaimed the determined Chakmon.

Kumamon suddenly started talking like Mojo Jojo, "I am not Chakmon! Chakmon is not my name! For the name Chakmon is not the correct name to address me by! Because it is not my name! If you were to address me by the name.... Kumamon-Jojo, that would be correct! For my name is... Kumamon-Jojo! And I will only be addressed by that name, which is... Kumamon-Jojo! And furthermore, it is not you who will beat me up! It is _I_ who will beat _you_ up! I being... Kumamon-Jojo, who is not Chakmon, shall beat you up alone! Which is to say, without anybody else! And without anybody else, shall I beat you up! And when I beat you up, by only one Digimon, not a collective group, but one Digimon, who shall be beating you up will be known other than me! Kumamon-Jojo!" He cackled insanely.

"Oh, shut up!" shouted Chakmon as he shot Kumamon with his machine gun, beating him with one blast.

**Winner of Round Four**: Chakmon!

"What the hell was that about?" asked Announcer Joe.

"Kumamon-Jojo?" Announcer Steve wondered. "I hope we sure don't get sued for this, Joe."

**Round Five**: Blitzmon vs. Beetlemon was next!

--

Meanwhile, over somewhere else on the island, Kouichi was still hanging upside-down from a tree.

"Could someone please help me? Anyone? Help! The blood is rushing to my head!" Kouichi shouted. "I'm over that evil streak, I promise! Help!"

A young Noki walked up, "Hello, kind sir. I happened to have heard that you were over from your evil streak. May you partake in acts of charity with us?"

Kouichi thought to himself, _Charity? Not exactly my cup of tea, with me still being evil and all, but as long as I can get down from this tree and to Kouji… _He grinned. "Sure, Mr. Noki, I'll be charitable, just please get me down!"

The Noki suddenly seemed offended. "I'm a _Miss_ Noki, you insensitive buffoon! I'm telling my daddy on you!" The Noki ran off crying.

_Damn it_, Kouichi thought in his conveniently echoing inner monologue. _But what could a little Noki do to me?_

Suddenly, a very butch-looking Noki stepped up, causing the ground to shake when he walked. "This is the human that 'caused ya' trouble?" he asked his daughter, motioning towards Kouichi.

"That's him, daddy! Kick his butt!"

Kouichi's eyes widened at the sight. _Oh dear, I think I'm in for a **WORLD OF PAIN!**_

Lucky for Kouichi, some of his fans ran up to stop this madness.

"STOP!" The leader of the pack shouted, holding out a stop sign to make her command even more noticeable.

"Don't you dare lay a finger on our Kouichi-kun, you brute!" screeched Kouichi fangirl #2.

"Yes, you monster!" Kouichi fangirl #3 proclaimed.

"What they said!" a boy wearing a shirt that said 'Kouichi's #1!!' on it shouted at the Noki.

The father-Noki raised an eyebrow at the boy.

"What?" the boy asked, notcing the stare.

The father-Noki paused. He then got an evil idea. He pulled down on the branch Kouichi was hanging from. When his body lowered and swung near the insane fangirls and fanboy, the high-pitched squeals noting their delight of being so close to Kouichi could be heard far and wide.

"Ya want 'im?" the Noki asked.

The fans nodded.

"Then go get 'im!"

He let go of the tree, catapulting Kouichi (and breaking the rope he was hanging from) to the other side of the island.

"Good one, dad!" the daughter laughed.

The fans' eyes suddenly turned blood-red. "You... you... HEATHENS!!" They grew fangs and lunged at the two Noki.

"Aw... crap."

--

**Round Five** was currently in progress.

"Golden Thunder!"

"Lightning Blitz!"

The attacks were about to collide with each other when…

"KYAAAAAAAAH!"

"Huh?"

Kouichi crashed right in the middle of the ring. He got up and brushed himself off, his ropes magically disappearing.

"Ha ha ha! Nothing can hurt Kouichi!" he chortled.

He suddenly noticed the two very dangerous electric attacks heading right for him on both sides.

"Except maybe that."

CRASH! WHAM! SHOCKING! ELECTROCUTION! PAIN!

"AAAAAAH!" He blasted off towards the mountain. "Looks like Kouichi is blasting off agaaaaaain!"

Ping!

"Oh, the insanity!" Announcer Joe shouted.

"Don't you mean "Oh, the humanity"?" asked Announcer Steve.

"No, it's insanity."

"Ah, yes, of course."

**Winner of Round Five**: Blitzmon! Why? Because it's a better name than Beetlemon, that's for sure!

"Okay, everyone, get out your D-Scanners!" said Agnimon as they all prepared to Digicode Scan their enemies into oblivion.

"No, wait!" yelled the badly injured dub versions. "We can Beast Spirit Evolve now!"

"Oh no..."

"Execute! Beast Spirit Evolution!"

Agunimon Slide Evolved to ::cough:: BurningGreymon! Someone shoot me!

Lobomon Slide Evolved to ::ahemcough:: KendoGarurumon! Ha! Try having them all say that with only two mouth movements!

Beetlemon Slide Evolved to ::hackhackcough:: MetalKabuterimon!

"Do you need a lozenge?" asked Kazemon.

No, I'm fine, thank you.

Kumamon Slide Evolved to Korikakumon! What the hell?

Kazemon Slide Evolved to Zephyrmon! Yes! A decent name!

"Oh, jeez."

"Hahahahaha! Now we attack!"

As if on cue, a Bomb-Omb rolled in front of the DigiDestined and exploded.

"Okaaay... now!" said Agnimon.

"Digicooooode Scan!" They absorbed the DigiDestined's data. They disintegrated, hopefully never to be seen and heard from again.

"The dub is dead! The dub is dead! Woohoo!" cheered the crowd, jumping around in their seats like maniacs.

"And what a match this was!" Announcer Joe stated.

"And it looks like the Chosen Children won! Was there ever any doubt?" Announcer Steve grinned at the camera.

The crowd went crazy while the Chosen Children waved and bowed to their loyal fans.

But wait! What about the Evil Hybrids?

--

"Okay! This time I've got you... !" said Grottomon. "Ha! Read 'em in weep!" He put down a hand of cards. "Full House!"

"I guess you beat me..." original Ranamon growled. "But I should _never_ be beaten! For I am the **BEST**!!"

"What has thou got?" asked Mercurymon.

"Not much. It's just all the royal family together, wearing matching outfits."

Everyone fell over backwards from their sitting positions.

"Y'all, my original counterpart beat us _again_!" grumbled dub Ranamon.

"Y'know, for dub versions with bad voices, you guys aren't all bad," said Arbormon.

"Yeah, youse guys aren't that bad neither. I thought we was gonna have ta rough yase up, you know what I'm sayin?" dub Abormon stated.

"Can someone tell me what this guy talk about?" asked Grumblemon.

Everyone else drowned in the irony.

"So, I'll be dealing the next hand then!" said Mercuremon.

"Doth tis the one who deals the best," said Mercurymon.

"Glad someone agrees with me... I think."

"But shouldn't we be doing Evil Hybrid type-things, y'all?" asked dub Ranamon.

"Those little Spirit kids can wait! Me want to play more poker!" said Grumblemon.

"Yeah! This time... Strip Poker!" exclaimed Grottomon.

Everyone gave Grottomon a questionable look. Ranamon hit him on the head.

"Pervert."

I suppose Evil Hybrids and their equally evil counterparts can coexist with each other after all. Hmm, why do I get the feeling I'm forgetting something?

--

Back at the spa.

Bokomon, Neemon, and their dub counterparts were lounging in the tanning salon and drinking margaritas.

"I wish I knew about Isle Delfino sooner!" said the British-sounding Bokomon.

"Hans, I'm ready for my pedicure," said original Bokomon.

"Now we both feel pretty!" stated the Neemons.

End of chapter 11.

Do you also feel pretty? Maybe you'll feel even prettier if you stay tuned for the next installment of A Funny Frontier Tale!


	12. Dazzling Show

A Funny Frontier Tale  
By Super Karoru  
Chapter 12: Dazzling Show

Now onward to our tale!

* * *

We open to the tropical island of Isle Delfino. At a communications tower, we see random Isle Delfinion #274 apparently trying to fix the problem. 

"Okay, I think I've got it."

He switched one of those abnormally large switches, and…

"I am a genius!"

… electrocuted himself.

Alas, his efforts were not in vain. A wave was sent throughout the island, fixing the D-Scanners.

Unfortunately, the shock from the wave has electrocuted the Chosen Children after it had reverted them from their normal human states. They can use this predicament as an excuse to finally get a break.

* * *

We go down to the beach where we see the wonderful, the ever-amazing Chibi Beast Senseis Vritramon and Shutumon, who were currently lounging in beach chairs. Applaud them, for not for their valiant efforts, Takuya and Izumi would be trying to kill each other more so than usual! 

"Thank you, thank you, for the wonderful introduction," Vritramon beamed.

No problem.

"Who're you talking to?" asked Shutumon.

"Never mind."

"Okie then!"

Shutumon put on some sunglasses, while Vritramon leaned further back in his chair.

"Well, we don't really have a point anymore since we succeeded in our mission about two or three chapters ago... but who cares? We're just so damn lovable!" said the ego-boosted Vritramon.

They began to hear another voice singing, eventually getting louder and louder.

"Here he comes! Here comes Garmmon Racer! He's a demon on wheels!"

"Eh?"

Making his debut was the Chibi Beast Sensei Garmmon! Who was wearing a helmet much like Speed Racer's.

"Hey dudes, wazzup?" asked CBS Garmmon.

"Well, not much. Just lounging," answered Vritramon.

"Lounging, lounging, loungiiiiing!" sang Shutumon.

"COOL, DUDES!" said Garmmon.

They started to hear banjo music.

"Wha?" asked Vritramon.

Then making his debut was CBS Blizzarmon who was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and had a banjo for some reason.

"We're having fuuun in the suuun!" sang Blizzarmon.

"Scary," commented Vritramon, mostly on the shirt.

They started to hear tank noises.

"I have arrived!" announced Bolgmon who looked like... Bolgmon.

"Oh, no. It's _you_," Vritramon scowled at the insect machine.

"Now, boys, can't we all just get along?" Shutumon asked. "Roughhouse leads to tears!"

* * *

Meanwhile, back in that secluded area on the island. 

We find the Evil Hybrids now playing Monopoly. Thankfully, they were now wearing their clothes (if any) after the probably life-scarring Strip Poker game.

"Okay, y'all, I'm gonna buy Park Avenue!" said dub Ranamon as she moved her top hat piece onto the space.

"Wait, you can't buy Park Avenue! You've bought practically everything else on the board!" shouted Grottomon.

"Doth only says that because you own Boardwalk," said Mercurymon.

"You wanna make something of it, mirror boy?" demanded Grottomon as he stood up from his sitting position.

"I taketh offense to that remark!"

"Me say just let Ranamon buy the space. Grumblemon no care."

"And _you_! Stop referring to yourself in third-person all the time!" said the angry gnome to his dub counterpart.

"Yo, at least I own the Railroads," said dub Arbormon.

"What's with all the yos?" Arbormon asked his counterpart.

"Yo, whataya mean?"

Twitch.

"Doesth the proverb _Hell hath no fury like a ticked-off gnome_, meanth anything to ye?" Mercurymon asked the others.

"No," said Mercuremon, "but does the proberb _Hell hath no fury like one aggravated warrior who's sick of your damned accen_t mean anything to _you_?"

"What does thou mean by that?"

They both stood up and, well, I can't say 'angrily faced' because they don't have faces.

"What are y'all going on about?" asked dub Ranamon.

"Enough with the Southern Belle accent, it's driving me crazy!" exclaimed original Ranamon as she glared at her evil-sounding dub counterpart.

Oh my, tensions are rising in the group!

"There is clearly only one way to settle this…" Mercuremon stated.

* * *

At the Celebrity Deathmatch arena. 

The crowd is in yet another frenzy. What they didn't know is that this would be no ordinary match of carnage…

The Evil Hybrids met in the center of the ring, originals on one side and dubs on the other. Evil glares were coming from both sides.

The announcer box appeared again with the generic announcers, Joe and Steve.

"Well, we're back again with another installment of _Celebrity Deathmatch_!" Joe announced, being an announcer and all.

"But this time we've got the Evil Hybrids clashing at one another, Joe! This should prove to be an interesting match."

"Especially with the word that this won't be just another ordinary clash, Steve."

On the field.

"We can't just go and beat the crap out of each other," said Grottomon.

"That would be a rip-off last chapter," said Ranamon.

"Quite," agreed Mercuremon.

"Then what should we do?" asked Grumblemon.

The original Evil Hybrids pondered on that question. They all got their own mental flashbacks of their "dazzling entrance" in chapter ten and got devious grins.

"This will be the greatest match **evah**!" exclaimed Ranamon, cackling.

The dub Evil Hybrids gave them quizzical looks.

"We challenge you to a Dazzling Entrance Contest! Whoever has the best dazzling entrance wins!" proclaimed the original Evil H's.

"You're on!"

* * *

First entrance from the originals.

"Well, we can't to the Team Rocket motto again," Ranamon stated. "So many choices… Aha! I've got it!"

Dazzling entrance time!

All the strobe lights went off, causing everything to go into pitch dark, which would be impossible since this is set in the middle of the day, but oh well.

The Sailor Moon theme started playing.

"Stealing spirts by moonlight!  
Also in daylight  
Always loses in the fights!  
She is the one named Ranamon Moon!"

"Sailor Grottomon!"

Grottomon jumped out of nowhere surrounded by pretty lights and wearing a... skirt. All the audience members spit out their popcorn.

"Sailor Mecuremon!"

"And Sailor Arbormon!"

"Always in some random fight!  
She is the one named Ranamon Moon!  
She is the one!  
Ranamon Moon!" DUN!

Ranamon jumped out and saluted the audience, wearing the sailor outfit and a blonde wig with abnormally long pigtails.

Everyone spit out what was still left of their popcorn.

Those poor Chosen Children, still unconscious… or maybe that's a good thing.

* * *

First entrance from the dub Evil Hybrids. 

"Okay! And one, two, three!"

Weird muzak began to play.

"Mighty Morphin' Evil Hybrid Rangers!"

Then each dub Evil Hybrid ran in wearing very strange solid-colored outfits, while doing very fake and corny "karate moves".

"Me the Big Hammer Ranger!" said Grottomon.

"I am the Mirror Ranger!" said Mercurymon.

"I'm the Water Ranger, y'all!" said Ranamon.

"Yo! Yo! And I be the Mafia Ranger!" said Arbormon, waving a gun.

More corny poses.

"Evil Hybrid Rangers! Huh!"

The crowd had nothing left to spit out by now, so they just stared.

* * *

Second entrance from the originals. 

Disco music started playing as a disco ball descended from nowhere. Lights flashed and twirled all over the arena.

"Shake your groove thang! Shake your groove thang! Evil H style!"

They all stepped out into the ring wearing 70's attire and disco danced. No further details are necessary.

* * *

The dub's second entrance. 

Patriotic sounding music started playing while pastel colors were in the background. A huge stone popped out from the middle of the ground.

"You will not win!"

"Especially at dazzling entrances!"

They jumped out of nowhere, while doing strange choreography moves, while still remaining balanced on the giant rock.

"We will cause all evil!"

"And disrupt peace in the Digi-World!"

"And we are called the… Evil H Colle Knights!"

Well, since the originals were _not_ going to be beaten that easily, they decided to try and scare their evil dub counterparts into defeat. They all danced out wearing pink frilly tu-tus, and…

"Stop this madness!" both announcers screamed.

But even the mental image itself was enough to shock everyone into frozen horror! As for the match, let's just call it a draw.

* * *

At the spa. 

"Bokomon, I feel like a natural woman," Neemon said as they sat in the sauna.

"That's just the steam affecting your brain," Bokomon responded.

* * *

After a not-so-pleasant nap, each Chosen Child awoke. 

"Did I miss something?"

End of chapter 12.

_Did_ the Chosen Children miss anything? I don't know! What will happen next? I don't know what either! But maybe _you_ will if you stick around for chapter 13 of A Funny Frontier Tale!


	13. Mayhem In Mario Land

A Funny Frontier Tale  
By Super Karoru  
Chapter 13: Mayhem In Mario Land

Now onward to our tale!

* * *

I'll give you ten points if you can guess where we are. That's right, Mars! No, no, Isle Delfino, _of course._

We see the Chosen Children standing around doing things.

"So what do we do now?" asked Kouji.

"Aha, I know!" exclaimed Takuya.

"What?" asked the others.

"This idea is so superb, great, wonderful, and magnificient!"

"Well?"

Close-up to Takuya.

"I just forgot," he said.

Everyone sighed.

Uh oh, I'm getting that bad interdemensional-feeling... oh, crap, I just ruined the suspense, didn't I?

* * *

Meanwhile in a dark canyon hideout, very similar to the Evil Hybrids'. 

"Mama mia!" exclaimed an Italian voice. "It seems that some kiddies are on Isle Delfino-a! Yoshi!"

Yoshi was looking at an magazine, but quickly hid it behind his back.

"Yosh!" Yoshi asked. (subtitles: What?)

"There are tresspassers-a!"

"Yos yosh yo yoshi! Yoshhhhhhi!" (subtitles: Are you still going on about that? Who _cares_?)

"I don't-a know what you said-a, but I completely agree."

Yoshi sighed.

"Where's Peach-a?"

We see Peach on the other side of the room, talking on her cell phone.

"Oh, Bowser!" giggled Peach. "Of course I'm free tonight!"

"Peach-a! Who are ya talkin' to?"

"Oh, sorry, Bowser, hold on. It's the gnome-man again," Princess Toadstool whispered into her bright pink phone.

"I thought-a I told ya to call me _Big Red_!" said Mario, while striking a pose.

Yoshi slapped his forehead.

"Whatever," sighed Peach.

"We must attack the children-a! By the order De Great Mario-a!"

"Yo Yoshi Yosh oshi," Yoshi said while shaking his head. (subtitles: I think starring in all those games has finally gone to his head.)

"Okay! Get everyone together and order the attack on Isle Delfino-a!" the strange plumber said as he ran over to his Closet-o-Nintendo Stuff.

Yoshi and Peach just shook their heads.

"Hey! _Who stole my FLUDD-A?_"

* * *

Back on Isle Delfino. 

Some odd and suspenful music started playing, echoing across the island.

"Where is that odd and suspenful music coming from?" Bokomon asked.

"I don't know, but I sure feel odd and suspenful!" replied Neemon.

"Uh oh, I just remembered something," said Kouji.

"What?" asked Takuya.

"Kouichi's still probably on the loose somewhere..."

* * *

In the town square, Kouichi was prancing about the shops, fretting over what present to get Kouji, despite the fact that he tied him upside-down from a tree, but Kouichi was never one for grudges. 

"Oh, I wonder what his size is..." Kouichi said, holding up a blue tank-top. "Oh, wait, we're twins. Silly me!"

* * *

Meanwhile, where Takuya and Izumi are, wherever that is. 

"Hey, Izumi, did I ever tell you about the time I found an entirely new species of mold under my bed? And just think, it used to be a perfectly good piece of pizza! Though it still tasted the same after I found it..."

Izumi shook her head, muttering something about having poor taste.

Much to Izumi's luck, a dark plothole opened up from the darknessabove and a dark-colored Toad dropped out with a very dark grin. It was just _dark_, okay?

"Are you two Takuya and Izumi?" asked the demented-looking Toad in a rather calm voice.

"No, I'm the Queen of France and this is my dog, Wilbur."

"That's a shame. It's not good to lie." He took out an electric cattle prod. "I have my orders to kill you two. No hard feelings, right?" Toad Vader pushed a button and the device began to charge.

"Izumi, this would be a good time to run..."

"Exactly what I was thinking..."

Cue the chase scene.

* * *

Meanwhile... 

Then from the green evergreens of the tropical surroundings, a Bomb-Omb walked towards Junpei. The Bomb-Omb. Its tiny feet trudged across the hot sand, leaving little footprints. It was round and black, like a bowling ball. Actually, it looked quite similar to a bowling ball, except for its little tiny eyes popping out, which were used to stare at the target which it would soon blow up. The fuse, the little fuse, used to make this strange creature explode had been lit, and...

"Do we need a whole paragraph about a Bomb-Omb?" Junpei interrupted.

He never got an answer, because it blew up.

* * *

Commercial Time! 

**Commercial 1:**  
Narrator: After turning into a good kid after being possessed, this guy's had time to do things... Presenting the newest hit CD out there... **Kouichi's Stylin' Rap Hits**! Featuring... "The Real Slim Kouichi"!  
(We go to a scene where we see Kouichi with a microphone wearing huge clothes that are at least five sizes too big, wearing tacky jewelry, and makingstrange hand signals.)  
Kouichi: Yo! Yo! Just cus' I was all dark, don't mean I ain't the real thing! Yo! I'm the slim Kouichi and all you slim Kouichi's ain't the real Kouichi's, so will the real slim Kouichi, which is me, please stand up! Please stand up!  
Narrator: And you can't forget... "Without Kouichi"!  
Kouichi: I say this looks like a time for me, 'cause all the fangirls are begging for me, 'cause they want the real Kouichi! Frontier's empty without me! Ya know what I'm sayin'?  
Narrator: And since he's gonna get sued by Toei for this anyway, just don't even bother. That's **Kouichi's Stylin' Rap Hits**! Only at this five-second price of 1.00... Oops, too late! Call: 13245-Kouichi's-feeble-attempt-at-rapping-665.  
(Goes to a scene of Kouichi repeating "Yo! Yo! Yo!", but then he eventually trips on his over-sized pants.)

**Commercial 2:**  
(Scene opens to a field of flowers where a light breeze is blowing. Izumi is standing in the middle of the field.)  
Female Narrator: Ever feel... unclean?  
(Izumi starts walking around.)  
FN: Like you need... some protection?  
(Izumi continues walking and some white birds start flying past the camera.)  
FN: Where you can feel normal and... fresh...?  
(Izumi faces the camera, sighing slowly.)  
Izumi: Then buy some Dove Soap, you morons!  
FN: Yes, Dove Soap. Leaves you feeling fresh, protection against dirt, so you can feel normal.  
Dove Soap! Buy it!

Back to the show.

* * *

"Hey, hey, hey! How 'bout a race with Koopa the Quick?" he asked Tomoki 

"Uh, no thanks."

"What? No one's ever said no to Koopa the Quick before! Must race, must race!"

Koopa blew up for some reason.

"I just know I'm gonna be emotionally scarred after this," groaned Tomoki.

Oh, Tomoki, I feel your pain! Well, not really.

Back to Takuya and Izumi.

"AHHHHH!"

"NYAHAHA!"

They eventually were chased into a dead end! Toad Vader was closing in, the cattle prod sparking withmany volts of electricity.

"I've got you now... It's a shame we couldn't settle this over a cup of tea, but business is business," said Toad Vader.

Takuya stood nobly in front of Izumi, as if to protect her.

"I don't think so, you little Toad-head!" he shouted.

Toad Vader looked at the cattle prod. "They always have to make this difficult," he stated as he threw the prod aside and pulled out a bazooka.

"On second thought," said Takuya as hestepped behind Izumi, pushing her foward. "Shoot her! Shoot her!"

"Well, thanks a lot!" she shouted at him.

Toad shot a missle from the bazooka at them. Oh noes! It seemed there was no way out, they were trapped! Well, they were, until Kouji saw... and did the only thing he could.

"Junpei was in a pink and purple leotard in a commercial once!" he shouted.

Takuya and Izumi fell over. And by falling over, the missle missed them and crashed into the wall behind them. Who knew?

"And once again, Super Kouji has saved the day!" Kouji shouted. This time, it caused Toad Vader to fall over forwards, but by falling fowards the bazooka pointed downward toward the ground. And conveniently, he pulled the trigger.

"Aw, shucks."

**BOOOOOOOM!**

"Maybe I need another joooooooooob..." Ping!

"Well, that's something you don't see everyday," said Izumi.

"Guys, we should get off Isle Delfino while we still have a chance,"Kouji suggested.

"You're stealing all my lines!" said Takuya.

"And you know, Junpei_was_ actually wearing that leotard in that commercial," said Kouji, a bit too loudly.

Takuya and Izumi cringed.

End of chapter 13.


	14. Curse of the Crossovers

A Funny Frontier Tale  
By Super Karoru  
Chapter 14: Curse of the Crossovers

Now onward to our tale!

* * *

We open to Isle Delfino. What else is new? 

We pan over to the beach were we see Takuya, Izumi, Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki crowding around looking at something on the sand.

"Okay, here's the plan to try to get off the island," said Takuya. "First we Spirit Evolve..." He pointed to a spot on a map drawn in the sand. "Then two of us will distract the inhabitants, and then we get some explosives..."

"Explosives?"

"Well, we want to make quick work of the island, don't we?"

The others backed away a little bit.

"We'd better get off the island fast, before we all lose out minds," said Izumi, shaking her head.

Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki just nodded their heads in agreement.

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Takuya asked while getting up and facing Izumi.

"Oh, nothing," responded Izumi.

Kouji decided to ignore the two. Looking around, he realized something. "Wait a minute."

"What?" asked Junpei.

"Where are Bokomon and Neemon?"

* * *

In Isle Delfino Plaza. 

"HEEEEELP!" shouted Bokomon and Neemon, who were running from something.

They soon ran into a dead end.

"Don't hurt us!" they both pleased, clinging to each other for dear life.

It was a small creature sparking with electricity. It closed in.

"**Chuuu!**"

An electrical storm shot through the air, attracting the Chosen Childrens' attention from the beach.

"What the...?" exclaimed Izumi.

"Come on!" shouted Takuya as they all ran towards the Plaza.

Bokomon and Neemon fell to the ground, charred.

"Now it's time to capture them!" said a raspy voice.

"Oh no, it's not!" shouted Takuya as our heroes ran towards Bokomon and Neemon.

"Hmm?"

They came face-to-face with none other than...

"... Ash Ketchem?"

"The one and only!" Ash grinned.

"Who are you?" asked Misty.

"Are you Pokémon trainers?" questioned Brock.

"Pikaaa?"

"What the hell are _they_ doing here?" muttered Kouji.

"Looks like another bad crossover," responded Tomoki.

"Maybe," said the others.

"Oh, right! I still need to capture those strange-looking Pokémon!" Ash said as he reached for a Pokéball on his belt. "Pokébaaaallll..."

"Wait!"

"What?"

"They're not Pokémon!" shouted Junpei.

"They're Digimon!" shouted Takuya.

"Di...gi...mon?" asked Ash.

"I've never heard of a Digimon before," said Misty.

"Maybe you should check the Pokédex, Ash," said Brock.

"Good idea! Haha, just kidding, I don't want to waste the energy getting it out when I could have a Pokémon battle!"

"How about _not_?" Kouji grumbled.

"Go, Charizard!" he shouted as he threw a Pokéball, but nothing came out. "Oh, man! I forgot I gave Charizard away!"

Everyone else sighed.

"How about... Butterfree! Er, no, gave him away too. Primeape! Nope. Pigeot? Maybe not. Uh oh..."

"Ash! How many Pokemon did you give away?" shouted Misty. "I _told_ you not to give them all away, but you said _'No, Misty! We've got to give the show some angst!'_ Angst my ass!"

"Sorry, Misty," he cowered.

"Now, now, let's not have another lovers' spat, you two," said Brock, acting as the peacekeeper.

"Pika! Chu. Pikaaa," responded... honestly, who do you think said that?

Izumi, Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki's just kept watching the Poké-gang, but unbeknowst to them, Takuya had noticed something else moving that had went around the corner and he gone over to see what it was.

* * *

On the other side of the Plaza. 

Takuya turned the corner, "I could've sworn I saw something come by here..."

He continued walking, while staring at the pavement. He finally found the creatures that just happened to be small, furry animals that looked quite familiar...

"_It's the ham-hams!_" Takuya squealed.

The ham-hams were suddenly aware of their stalkee and ran off.

"Wait, don't go! I love you!" he shouted as he ripped off his shirt, revealing a... tattoo of the entire cast. He continued chasing the ham-hams, laughing like a mindless schoolgirl.

The hamsters ran even faster.

* * *

"Hey, where'd Takuya go?" asked Tomoki, who noticed his disapearance. 

The others shrugged... but then they suddenly heard giddy laughing.

"Never mind."

* * *

"Ham-hams, come baaaaack!" 

The ham-hams were talking to each other in their hamster language.

"Zis human iz quite persizztant!"commented Bijou.

"Hamtaro!" shouted Boss. "This is your fault! It was _your_ idea to come to Isle Delfino!"

"Well, Laura was coming here too..." Hamtaro responded. "Or was it Hawaii? I always get those two places mixed up..."

"Dude, this is totally uncool," said Stan.

"Like, yeah," responded Sandy.

"Ah, but a journey somewhere is better than a journey to nowhere / May that be to an island in Nintendo land / Or to an endless void / Literature knows no bounds," said Jingle, still staying calm during the chase.

"Shut up, Jingle," said the others.

"I love you, ham-hams! "said Takuya, still continuing the chase.

* * *

Back with the others. 

Izumi had just gone off to look for Takuya, leaving Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki to deal with the Pokémon cast.

"Now we battle!" Ash said as he pulled his hat backwards.

"Let's _not_ and say we did," said Kouji.

"But I wanna battle!" cried Ash.

"You'll have to excuse Ash," said Brock. "It's just that it's been four years and six seasons - and growing - and he's still ten years old."

"Ouch, stuck in the beginning of puberty!" Junpei commented.

* * *

"I fear for my sanity," Izumi said to herself as she was looking for Takuya. "Where could he be?" 

"Hi, Izumi!"

Izumi then quickly turned around to find that Takuya was right behind her.

"Takuya, what do you think you're doing?"

"I was hunting for ham-hams!"

"You were what now?"

"Never mind. Wanna get ice cream?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

* * *

Somewhere else, outside a TV store, Kouichi was engrossed in the latest program. 

"Looks like one of those award ceremonies," he said to himself.

* * *

"Welcomeback to the **Insanity Awards**!" exclaimed the host. "The next category is for _Scariest Entrance. _And the winner is... ...is... ...issssss... ...iiiisssssssssssss..." 

"Just tell us already!" the crowd shouted.

"Ranamon Moon!"

"Oh noes!"

Ranamon and her fellow scouts walked out, quite honored at the opportunity to be on national television.

"You like me... you really like me!" Ranamon said.

"You could be a little more original!" someone in the crowd shouted.

The Pianta host was used to this. "Here is your award, Ranamon and the Evil Sailor Scouts!"

"Awww, I couldn't possibly... _**Give me my reward**_!"

She grabbed the award out of the host's hands, knocking him aside.

"I'd just like to thank all the little people I had to step on to get here!" she shouted as fake tears started falling.

"Ranamon's taking all the credit again," said Grottomon. "Don't you think so, Mercuremon? ... Mercuremon?"

Mercuremon didn't hear him, he was too busy admiring his skirt.

"You're still wearing that thing?"

Ranamon continued, "Oh, and that person that did that thing I can't remember!"

"Mercuremon? Answer me!"

"I just wanted to feel pretty," he responded.

Ranamon continued, "And the costume designer, whoever you are!"

"**It was me, you moron!**" shouted a random Noki from the audience.

"Wherever you are! Ah, I love this wig," she sighed and put it on.

"Stop this madness! Attention, all: Mercuremon enjoys being in a skirt!" shouted Grottomon, grabbing the microphone away from the egotistical Ranamon.

"Grottomon, you're ruining my speech!" shouted Ranamon.

She tried to punch him, but missed, and fell head-on into a camera. Static.

* * *

Kouichi was quite disturbed. "That's something that shouldn't be shown on TV..."

* * *

Meanwhile at, um... (thinks, then resorts to pulling a piece of paper out of a hat) Okay, at the 76fshf 45bddfsdf v28vaud. Oops, it's upside down. (fixes) Well, that makes more sense. Back at Isle Delfino Plaza. 

The Digimon cast were attempting to get rid of their current annoyance. Luckily, a Bomb-Omb took care of that for them. Convenient, isn't it?

**BOOOOOOOM!**

* * *

Cue the ending of the crossover cursed chapter in three, two, one... 

Suddenly, there was a crash through the roof of a nearby building.

We enter the building and we see a familiar brunette wearing red robes. He ran across the room and grabbed a jewel attached to a chain.

Some Piantas and Nokis burst in, armed with bows and arrows.

"Stop, thief!"

They shot their fire-tipped arrows at him, but he dodged them by jumping out the window. He crashed into the bushes, but got up brushed himself off, regained his composure, and continued running.

"Ha! With this jewel... I can sell it on eBay!"

From the other side of the Plaza, there's a certain blonde-haired girl wearing priestess robes, also armed with bow and arrow.

"Taku-yasha!"

She shot the arrow, pinning the boy against a nearby tree.

"AAHHH!"

Izumi got wide-eyed. "Sorry, Takuya! I was aiming for the target behind you!"

Takuya face-faulted and painfully looked towards the arrow in his left shoulder.

"You said we were using the _plastic arrows!_"

End of chapter 14.


	15. The Crossover Curse Continues

A Funny Frontier Tale  
By Super Karoru  
Chapter 15: The Crossover Curse Continues 

Now onward to our tale!

* * *

We open to... a secret government organization that's going to kill us all. Just kidding, it's Isle Delfino yet again. 

We go down to the same beach from the beginning of the last chapter. We spot Kouji, Junpei, Tomoki, and the bandage-wearing Bokomon and Neemon standing around waiting for the other members of their squad.

"Where are Takuya and Izumi?" asked Junpei. "Weren't we all supposed to meet here to talk about the plan to get off the island?"

"Yeah," said Kouji, but then he got an idea. "Maybe they're... busy."

"What do you mean by that?" responded Junpei.

"Oh, nothing," said Kouji.

"I do wonder where they are," Bokomon asked with a somewhat motherly concern.

"Maybe they're catching the thing that does the thing that things when the thing does the thing!" said Neemon.

Bokomon stared at his friend.

"Shut up."

* * *

In the Plaza. 

We see Takuya and Izumi still wearing the same robes. Takuya is still stuck to the tree with the arrow.

"Izumi, call an... ambulance... please..." he groaned.

"Be patient," she responded.

The ambulance arrived. A Pianta wearing hospital attire jumped out. "Well, what seems to be the problem, you strange dressing people?" asked Hospital Pianta 1.

"I think it's a bit obvious..." Izumi said, pointing upwards.

HP1 looked back and forth between them, his gaze resting on Takuya who was motioning to the arrow in his left shoulder. "Well, what is it then?"

Izumi slapped her forehead.

"I'm stuck to a damn tree!" shouted Takuya. "Now get me down from here! ... Ah, I see the light... Grandma is that you? Eww, no... Fluffy! I thought you got hit by a car! **PAIN!** ... Wait, that is you, Grandma..."

"Hey, look at him zone out!" laughed HP1.

"Get him down, you moron!" screamed Izumi.

As HP1 was trying to get Takuya down, they saw in the distance a giant centipedecreature heading right towards them.

"Er... Is that Lady Centipede?" asked Izumi.

"Give me the Shikon Jewel!" roared Lady Centipede.

"Oh snap!"

"Give me the Jeweeeeeeel!" shouted Lady Centipede. "Blah blah blaaaah!"

Lady Centipede rushed toward them and wrapped herself around the tree, taking Izumi with her and pinning her against Takuya while crushing them both. And did that sentence make any sense? Of course not!

"Give me the Jewel!"

Lady Centipede continued to crush them.

"Hey... Izumi," asked Takuya.

"What?"

"Can you pull this arrow out?"

"But wouldn't that hurt?"

"It's a chance I'm willing to take!"

"Oh, whatever!"

Izumi reached up and yanked the arrow out. Takuya blinked for a second, then tearsbegan pouring from his eyes.

"That hurt," he said in a squeaky voice.

"Wimp."

Lady Centipede strengthened her grip around the tree, causing them to cringe in pain.

"Now give me the Jewel!" she roared.

"Uh... Look! Exterminators!" shouted Izumi, attempting to point somewhere.

Lady Centipede loosened her grip as she looked around frantically for her _true_ enemy.

"Come on!" shouted Takuya as they both ran away from the spazzing Centipede Lady like maniacs.

Lady Centipede continued spazzing out until she realized something.

"Hey! Woo-woop-woo-woo!"

And so, the chase began. Woo-woop-woo-woo!

* * *

Meanwhile on the beach place where... ah, screw it. 

"My Neemon sense is tingling," said Neemon.

"... What?"

Suddenly, Takuya and Izumi came running as fast as they could, complete with frantically waving arms.

"What the hell?" asked the others, except Tomoki. (He said "heck". I am not going to corrupt little children, no sir-ee.)

"RUN!" screamed Takuya and Izumi as they both ran past.

"GIIIVE MEEEE THE JEEEEWEEELLL!" roared Lady Centipede as she also shot past the other CCs, kicking up sand everywhere.

"... Well, that's something you don't see everyday," said Bokomon.

* * *

And the chase continues! 

"ALL I WANT IS THE DAMN JEWEL! GIVE ME THE DAMN JEWEL!"

"I don't have the Jewel!" shouted Takuya.

"Then what's that in your hand?" asked Izumi.

Takuya looked at his hand and realized that he had the Jewel the whole time.

"Oh... well. That can't be good."

"ROOOOOOOARRRRRR!"

"It's hard to run in these robe things!" complained Takuya.

"I'm burning calories, now I won't have to purge!" Izumi stated.

"What?"

"Nothing."

The others walked up casually, ignoring the chaos.

"Are you aware that we're still trapped on the island?" asked Kouji.

"And where did you get those cool robes?" asked Tomoki.

"And what's withthat giant centipede lady?" asked Junpei.

"It's... a... long... story..." said the exhausted Takuya and Izumi.

* * *

In the Plaza. 

Kouichi was walking around aimlessly.

"I wonder where Kouji is... and if he'll like this lovely turtleneck I got him, despite the fact it's not in season!"

* * *

Lady Centipede finally caught up. "You damn kids, always interferrin' with my plans, well, I'll show you..."

"Look, exterminators!"

"I'm not falling for _that one_ again!"

"Suit yourself."

And thus, Lady Centipede was brought to an end, thanks to bug spray.

"When I grow up, I want to be just like them 'cause they kill giant bugs for no real reason!" Neemon grinned.

Bokomon sighed, "Shut up."

End of chapter 15.


	16. Operation FT16: Escape From Isle Delfino

A Funny Frontier Tale – Always has been the title, and always will be the title!   
By Super Karoru   
Chapter 16: Operation FT16: Escape From Isle Delfino

Now onward to our tale!

--

The Narrator cleared his throat, facing the camera, ready to recap the previous chapter, "With the not-so-attempt to get off the island from last chapter (which was absolutely pointless), the CCs now have a sure-fire plan to get off Isle Delfino this time. And if they don't get off this damn island that they've been stuck on since chapter ten, I'll eat this glass ceiling that's only 3 inches above my head!"   
"I think you've said enough, Mr. Narrator," Karoru interrupted.   
"Wait! Weren't you be chased by Lady Centipede?" the Narrator questioned.   
"... I forgot about that!"   
Lady Centipede suddenly burst in, foaming at the mouth, and chanting "Jewel! Meat! Jewel! Meat!"   
"Noooo, I'm too young to diiiiiiie!!"   
An electric spark shoots out her neck,as shefalls to the ground in a heap of metal.   
Blink blink. "Well, I'll be damned. It was just a robot! Ha ha, isn't that funny, Narrator?"   
The window is open with a note on the windowsill that reads, "Goodbye, world! I hope I narrated thee well! Yours no more, Narrator."   
Karoru slowly turned around, noticing the readers. "Eep, just get to the story already, there's nothing to see here! Go, go!"   
The camera goes into static.

--

The camera comes back into clear view on the same beach from the beginning of chapter fourteen and fifteen. We see the CCs crowding around a new map plan. Also, we observe that Takuya and Izumi are back to their normal clothes and Takuya has a very large bandage on his left shoulder.

"Okay! This time we're gonna get off the island for sure!" shouted Takuya, but then started wobbling a bit. "Ooo... too much shouting..."

He fainted from his apparent loss of blood. Everyone sighed. Izumi went to help him up.

"Well, you see... It wasn't my fault! I was aiming for the target! The _target_!" Izumi said, trying to defend herself.

"Riiiight."

"So what do we do..." started Kouji. All those that were awake glared at him. "... to get off the island? Ah heh."

"Well, we could go with the original plan," said Junpei.

"We had a plan?" asked Tomoki.

Neemon decided to offer his two cents, "Here are two pennies!"

Ba-bum-ching.

Everyone slapped their foreheads. Yes, even Takuya, passed out or not.

Bokomon crossed his arms seriously and said, "Well, it's apparent we need to..."

"... WE NEED TO GET THE EXPLOSIVES!" shouted Takuya, as he jumped up and scared the crap out of everyone, but then began wobbling again. "Ahh... got up too fast..." Klunk.

Everyone sighed again.

"We _really_ need to get off this island," stated Kouji.

"You think?"

--

In the Plaza.

"Ham-Hams! Now, I ask, for the final time. Do you know where Kouji is?!" Kouichi questioned, as he loomed over the innocent hamsters threateningly.

Two Piantas passed by, witnessing the act.

"Poor boy, talking to hamsters," they muttered to each other.

The Ham-Hams were communicating to each other in their hamster language.

"Oooh, we should be helping Laura! We have to teach the viewers a good moral lesson!" said Hamtaro as he ran around the cage in a panicked frenzy.

"It's always about you, isn't it?!" demanded Boss. "It's enough you've got the whole damn show named after you!"

The other Ham-Hams gasped.

"Boss, you said a bad word," said Hamtaro.

"So?" he responded.

"Zat zis not good for ze censors to hear," commented Bijou.

"Or parents," stated Stan. "Like the soccer moms!"

"You've been corrupted!" they all shouted at Boss, as they pointed at him dramatically.

"Oh, jeez," Boss groaned.

Kouichi was looking on at the Ham-Hams.

"I wonder what they're getting so worked up about," Kouichi said as he witnessed the Ham-Hams start to advance on Boss, blood thirsty glares in their beady little hamster eyes. "Oh well, they still haven't answered my question."

--

On the other side of the island.

We head further down the beach, to see Chibi Beast Sensei (a.k.a. CBS) Vritramon packing up a suitcase.

"I hope I didn't forget anything," he said. "Let's see... sunscreen, check. Sunglasses, check. Lounge chair, yeah. "Reading" material, hee hee, check! All righty, I think that's everything. I always did travel light."

Shutumon popped out of nowhere, sneaking up behind Vritramon and scaring him half to death. "Hey, Vritra-kun!"

His screech of surprise sounded similar to a cross between a cat, a middle-aged woman who just saw a mouse, and a tire squeaking.

"Must you scare me like that?!" he asked, after regaining his composure, and turned around to face her.

"Of course!"

"Why?"

"Because I wuv you!"

Vritramon blinked. "Eh?"

They continued to stare at each other for a bit. Vritra out of bafflement, Shutu out of adoration. The dragon got bored with that easily, and continued to his packing needs.

"Look, uh... I've got packing to do, so if you don't mind..."

"Oh, Vritra, am I not good enough for you?" Shutumon gasped as she fell into Vritramon's arms, quite dramatically.

"You are definitely scaring me," responded the dumfounded Digimon.

"And so ends another feeling-filled episode of **The Bold Senseis and the Beasties**," A soothing, male actor's voice echoed from absolutely nowhere.

"We have got to get off this island."

--

"Do we have the explosives?" asked Takuya with eager glee, like a kid in a candy store.

"No, we are not using the explosives!" shouted the others.

"Okie dokie! Just asking."

"Sigh!"

--

Just go to the next scene switch, quit stalling! Wait, I'm the one that's stalling. ... Oops.

--

Where the CCs are!

The CCs were now skipping merrily down the lane, with linked arms singing Disney sing-a-long songs.

"NO, WE'RE NOT!"

Whatever, girlfriends!

The Chosen Children ignored the odd narration and huddled into a... huddle.

"Just leave it to me!" said Takuya. "We'll sneak off and away with super secret techniques."

"Can we just get off the island now?" groaned Kouji.

"Of course! There's a plothole right over there!" Takuya pointed to a random plothole that said: The only way to get off isle Delfino and never look back.

Everyone stared quizzically at the sudden convenience of such a plothole to appear in their easy reach in such an appropriate time.

"LET'S GO!"

They all scrambled towards the portal.

---

Inside the plotholeness of the plothole!

"Oops, I just remembered something!" Takuya stated, slapping his forehead in revelation.

"What?" asked the others.

"I _did_ use the explosives!"

--

View of Isle Delfino.

Everything's quiet. Too quiet...

BOOOOOM!!

A giant mushroom cloud could be seen by many a passerby. OH, THE HORROR!!

We see Karoru (referring to yourself in third-person is oodles of fun!) floating along in a makeshift boat.

"My Karoru Corporations™ location on Isle Delfino may have just exploded, but anything's possible in the written word! Oh, and where will the CCs end up next, I wonder?"

The boat suddenly turned over from rapid waves. A sign from beneath the water was held up, reading: "You haven't seen the last of me! Mwah hah ha! Even though that might be a good thing."

End of chapter 16.

Where will the Chosen Children end up next? Will Karoru drown? Will I stop asking questions that the readers can't answer? It's all a mystery! Stay tuned for the next exciting chapter of A Funny Frontier Tale!


	17. Welcome To Happyville!

A Funny Frontier Tale - We like the monies.  
By Super Karoru  
Chapter 17: Welcome To Happyville! 

Now onward to our tale!

* * *

Ghost of the Narrator: Well, it seems that the CCs have finally escaped from Isle Delfino! Thanks to the patented **Crazzzzzy Plothole™**! _Wow!_ (a random person then comes in a hands the narrator greens and bling bling)  
Karoru: I spot advertising here.

* * *

The camera comes back into clear view wherever the gang is about to end up. The plothole suddenly opened up from about six feet off the ground, with our heroes falling through to the ground, screaming. 

"Where are we?" asked Takuya, who suddenly didn't have his bandages anymore.

Their looking around in bewilderment stopped when they spotted a rather large sign right in front of them, which was in front of a rather pleasant-looking a green village. The sign read: _"Welcome to Happyville! Population: All happy people."_

"Seems like a rather nice place," mused Bokomon.

"Welcome to Happyville!" yelled an unknown Digimon who looked like overly happy, hyper, multi-colored bunny rabbit. Cue the analyzer screen:

**Ghost of the Narrator** (v/o): Happymon. These Digimon are always freakishly happy for no apparent reason at all. It is said that if you enter their town with a bad mood, you will face horrible punishments in the form of pyromaniacs and nipple twisting. Of course, this can't exactly be proven since all these who claim this have always been covered in full-body casts and couldn't speak. They also complained of sore nipples, but this fact is obviously unrelated.

"Where'd that voice come from?" asked Tomoki.

"Welcome to our happy little town!" said Happymon 1.

"Yes, welcome!" said Happymon 2.

"Hello!" said Happymon 3. "I like spandex!"

Happymon 1 and 2 glared at Happymon 3.

"What?"

"I do wish you would stop telling strangers of your fetishes."

"Don't worry, I'm used to it by now," commented Junpei.

"Oh, that reminds me, there's another thing that we don't like in Happyville besides non-happiness," Happymon 1 stated.

"What?" asked Tomoki.

"We all suffer from hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia."

"What's that?" asked Neemon.

"Fear of long words."

Ba-bum-tish.

"This is one weird place," commented Kouji.

"Now we must welcome our new visitors with an unbelievably happy song that was not ripped off from a Disney movie! Isn't that great?"

"Not really," stated Izumi, who had been part of a previous Disney parody.

("Under The Sea" from _The Little Mermaid_ started playing in the background.) 

Then Happymon 1 started to say, "Chosen Children, listen to me. Everywhere else, it's a mess. Living in Happyville is happier than anything you'll find out there!"

"The grass is always greener in somebody else's village.  
You dream about living somewhere great, but we'll just go pillage it!  
Just look at this town around you we've got clean floors!  
Ah, such marvelous things around you, what more are you wishing for?"

"In Happyville! In Happyville! Kids, here it's better, it's not wetter! Take it from Will!"

**Will**: (waves) Hi, I'm Will!

"Up on the roof we dance all day!  
Everyone is happy, hooray!  
In swimming we are also devoting!  
Look, floating!  
In Happyville!"

"Uhm..."

The Happymon spun around dancing, while two of them played bongo drums.

"Down here all the Happymon are happy!  
Happiness is good to earn!  
But if you come and you're not happy,  
You are going to **_BURN_**!"

"But non-happy people are lucky,  
They're in for a worser fate!  
One day when we all get hungry,  
Guess who's going to be on our plates?"

"Oh yeah, bitches!  
In Happyville, in Happyville!  
If you're not happy, we'll fry you and eat you as frickazee!"

Our heroes began to back away slowly, and collided right into the Happymons' boombox. The music stopped.

"Aw, man!" all the Happymon shouted.

"Now can you stop with the singing?" Kouji practically pleaded.

"Yeah, it's creepy," agreed Junpei.

"But we must sing!" They all started to chorus in the highest octave known to man-kind: "WeeeeeeeeeEeeeee! Eee, ooo, eeee, um, um, ba way! In the Happyville, the happy Happyville! The Happymon scream toooooNIGHT!"

"**STOP!**"

"But we were just about to sing the song that states that once you enter our happy little community, there's no turning back to the outside world."

"Oh, in that case... wait, WHAT?"

* * *

Meanwhile on Isle Delfino. Hold on, Isle Delfino? Didn't it blow up? 

There was a lone crab wandering on the shore.

"This appears to be the perfect place to set up my realty office... _of doom._"

* * *

Back to the place of unhappy happiness (talk about an oxymoron), the gang is thinking on their current situation and what to do next. 

"I vote that we get the hell out of here as soon as possible. This could be some sort of cult," Kouji looked around suspiciously.

"I bet they're crackwhores that extort kindergarten classes for cheap labor," Junpei commented.

"You seem to know a lot about this subject, Junpei..." Izumi mused.

"Um, well... look, a birdie!"

"Guys, guys," began Takuya, ignoring the previous subject, "if we figure out what our quest is, then we can go on the quest, and thereby getting un-trapped from this place since we'd be questing and all that."

"Eh, works for us," the others responded, in a moment of pure laziness. 

"Now we quest to find out what the quest is!" declared Takuya, pointing to no where in particular.

"Yay!"

This would now be a good point to wish our heroes the best of luck, because, well... they're going to need it.

End of chapter 17.


	18. Quest for a Plot! Part 1

A Funny Frontier Tale   
  
A/n: MUST FINISH STORY! JEEEEEEE! *everyone backs away slowly* ... What?  
  
~Review Responses:  
Thank you reviewers! It's mostly your reviews that keep me from pressing the delete button on this thing! And over 260 reviews! =D Yeah, baaay-bah! ... *goes and cuts off the dub episode playing on my television right now*  
~Random review notes:  
- TerrierLee: I was just curious. I respect other author's opinions, of course. Don't worry, I won't flame you for a Kozumi fic or anything.  
- Anime Master ZERO: *huggles the kawaii Takumi plushie and crazilly laughs like the rabid fangirl I am* =D  
- Melinda the Digimon Poet: Yes, well, I did completely lose it a good while back. Oh, just to say, I wrote that "The Real Slim Kouichi" part when I was half-awake at 4 AM. Just so you know what you're getting into.  
- Zappermon: I greatly appreciate all the compliments and the reviews and... worshipping. But I am no goddess. I still have a good way to go,you know. =]  
- DarkAngel: Kawaii?... Well, I completetly disagree with that, but thanks. XD  
- Takumi Fan: Err, could you imagine adding in Takumi-ness while the CC's are trapped in Happyville? ... Yeah. Thought not.  
- Digitaldog: Just for that, I'm sticking you on the island. Why? 'Cause I can! Mwahaha! =D  
  
Disclaimer: How many times do it have to say this? I don't own Digimon Frontier or anything else that couldn't possibly belong to me. So with that said, could someone get these lawyers out of my house?  
  
Now onward to our tale!  
  
~*~  
A Funny Frontier Tale  
By: Cluehunter Karoru  
Chapter 18: The Quest In The Quest To Find Out What The Damn Quest Is! Part 1   
~*~  
  
The camera opens into view and the Narrator is fiddling around with it.  
The Ghost of the Narrator: Ahh, there. The camera's working now. Anyway, last Chapter, the CC's found themselves trapped in Happyville! But then in a stroke of random whatever, the CC's are now off to quest to find out what the quest is! Just like it says in the summary! Woah, de ja vu.  
CK: *off screen* Oww...  
The Ghost of the Narrator: Oh, I also forgot to mention that Karoru managed to knock herself out while running into and almost breaking the camera.  
The camera view goes over to me where I am lying on the floor with Anime swirls in my eyes.  
CK: Ahh... Look at the birdies... And the pretty spots...  
The Ghost of the Narrator: Errr, yeah. - Wait, is that the "Low Battery" light on the camera blinking? Ack! It is! Wait just a sec-  
The camera suddenly cuts off.  
  
~*~  
  
The camera comes back into clear view where we see the CC's aimlessly walking around and aimlessly looking around while talking of aimless things.  
  
"Actually," said Takuya. "We're talking about what our possible quest could be."  
  
"But this is pathetic," said Izumi. "We're now at Chapter 18 and we still have no idea what the point of this is!"  
  
"Maybe there is no point," said Kouji.  
  
"But how can there be 20+ Chapters of random nonsense with us in it?" asked Junpei.  
  
"Actually, *that's* random nonsense with us in it," said Tomoki while pointing towards no where in particular. The CC's looked.  
  
~*Randomness!*~  
"PIZZA!" screamed Takuya.  
"Oh yeah, well... Supercalifragilisticexpealidocious!" shouted Izumi.  
"Errr. Then suoicodilaepxecitslilgrafilacrepus! That's supercalifragilisticexpealidocious backwards!," Takuya proudly stated.  
"Why does Pokemon keep getting more Pokemon?!" asked Kouji.  
"Tis' a mystery," responded Junpei.  
"Help! I'm falling down again due to my huge hat!" cried Tomoki.  
STOP!  
~*Randomly End The Randomness!*~  
  
"o__o Scary."  
  
...  
....  
.....  
  
"IT DOESN'T ANSWER OUR QUESTION!" the CC's shouted.  
  
"I hate this place -_-" said Takuya.  
  
Takuya hated the place.  
  
"..."  
  
"I think this author is running out of jokes," said Kouji.  
  
Kouji got hit by lighting.  
  
"NO! KOUJI! HOW DARE YOOOOOOOOOOU?! HEATHEN!" some random Kouji fangirls screamed.  
  
"Errr. But I'm fine," said Kouji.  
  
Everyone looked at Kouji. And wow! He was non-injured and stuff.  
  
"Well, who got hit by lightning?" asked Junpei.  
  
Well, you see, I can't hit Neemon with lightning because Digitaldog will get mad. And I can't have Kouichi get hit by lightning because Melinda The Digimon Poet likes Kouichi. And I can't hit Takuya with lightning because I'm not hurting Taku! =D  
  
Izumi glared at me again.  
  
Ah heh heh. And I can't let Kouji be hit by lightning because many many fangirls will kill me. And I can't have Izumi be hit by lightning because... I don't know. And I can't let Junpei be hit by lightning because then I'd be qualified as "Junpei bashing" and I don't want to be accused for that. o_o And I can't have Bokomon be hit by lightning because... Well, I don't know that either. And Tomoki, well, I don't want to purposely hurt a helpless little kid.  
  
"Ooooohhhh," said the CC's.  
  
SO WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO HIT WITH LIGHTNING?  
  
They shrugged. "Don't look at us!"  
  
GRAH! *hits self with lightning*  
  
"o_o"  
  
...  
....  
.....  
  
"FOAM!" shouted Takuya.  
  
...  
....  
.....  
  
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Everyone laughed like fools.  
  
...  
....  
.....  
  
So they shrugged and walked off because they have nothing damn better to do, DAMMIT!  
  
~*~  
  
On Isle Delfino! Where the authors are trapped! Where else?  
Authors: Get us off this island!  
Takumi Fan: Anytime now... Anytime... The helicopter is coming... Soon... I hope...  
Authors: What do you mean "you hope"?!  
Takumi Fan: Well... I sent the letter to Karoru and I *think* it got there...  
Authors: You did WHAT?!  
Takumi Fan: But! I have a secret weapon!  
Authors: What?  
Takumi Fan: If she doesn't get that helicopter here by Chapter 20, I'll send her sleeping gas that will make her UN-hyper!  
[A/n: No, I didn't come up with that. It's in TF's review.]  
Rukato Fan: o_o  
The Demented Fangirl: An un-hyper Karoru?  
Everyone gets thought bubbles above their heads and imagines me a lot more than half-asleep at the computer writing the most boring and most worthless fic known to ff.net.  
Anime Master ZERO: *sweatdrop* Err...  
Tripmon: -_- That wouldn't be good.  
Zappermon: GASP!  
Everyone suddenly turns toward Zappermon, who has never been in any previous Chapters.  
Zappermon: Hi! *waves*  
Authors: Um, who're you?  
Zappermon:Well, I'm just the author who asked Cluehunter Karoru very nicely and stuff to be stuck here on Isle Delfino too! =D  
Authors: *blinks*  
Zappermon: Also behold my spoon shrine! *holds up a spoon that's supposed to be me... It has an evil grin and is hugging a Takuya plushie*  
Authors: o_o  
[A/n: Don't look at me. And no, I didn't come up with that either. It's in her reviews as well.]  
Digitaldog: What am I doing here?  
Everyone then turns to Digitaldog, who has also never been in a Chapter before in this fic.  
Authors: What the- ?  
Digitaldog: Well, just because I said: "Na Ha TO EVERYONE ON DELFINO ISLAND! I'M NOT STUCK ON IT " in my review, she just decided to be mean and stick me in here.  
Authors: ... Uh huh.  
Digitaldog: Darn you, Karoru! *shakes fist*  
Anime Master ZERO: Speaking of which, where is she?  
Everyone goes "Hmmmmm".  
Takumi Fan: *still looking out at the sea* HELICOPTER! WHERE ARE YOU?!  
Terry-Bogard: I fear for all our sanities...  
Authors: GET US OFF THIS ISLAND! WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF FOOD! ACK!  
Dunn, dunnn, dunnnn! Dramatic effect!  
  
~*~  
  
The CC's were still aimlessly walking around because they have no f-ing idea what the hell to do. But they were also being followed by some Happymon because they're still trapped in Happyville, of course.  
  
"I think we're being followed by some Happymon because we're still trapped in Happyville, of course," said Takuya.  
  
Everyone fell over.  
  
Happymon 1 hopped towards them.  
  
"Gwahahahahaha!" he laughed.  
  
"o_o" responded the CC's. "What?"  
  
"Well, you see, there is one thing I forgot to mention when being trapped in Happyville," Happymon 1 stated.  
  
"And what's that?" asked the CC's.  
  
"We need a... KARAOKE BATTLE!"  
  
"What the f*ck?!"  
  
And so a huge stage thinger came out of absolutely nowhere! And a Happymon dressed in a tuxedo and holding a microphone came out onto the stage as the light thingers flashed. Gah! Just imagine some music awards or a concert set or whatever!  
  
"Greetings! Salutations! Konnichiwa! And other words for hello!" annouced the Annoucer Happymon. "Welcome to the OFFICIAL Happyville Karaoke Battle!"  
  
All the Happymon cheered. The CC's freaked-out.  
  
"And today we have some of our most happy Happymon performing against two of the Chosen Children!"  
  
"NANI?!" said the CC's.  
  
"Well, who's singing to represent you, CC's?" asked Announcer Happymon.  
  
"Err..."  
  
Then Kouji, Junpei, and Tomoki, Bokomon, and Neemon convientally passed out! Takuya and Izumi looked towards them, perplexed.  
  
"Ooooookay," said Izumi.  
  
"Oh well, let's sing!" said Takuya.  
  
"Okay!"  
  
So I choose the next song because I have it stuck in my head and I love this song! =D And Taku and Izumi just went along with it.  
  
~Panyo Panyo Digi Charat:  
*Opening: Enomoto Atsuko - Happy! Smile! Hello! [TV Size]  
Performed at the moment by: Takuya and Izumi! - [I think this song kinda fits them XD]  
[Thank my subtitled Ep's for this translation~.]  
~Song time!~  
Takuya: Waratta kaotte, yappa ichiban kimi to niau-nyo [It suits you best when you smile]  
Both: Pa pa pa panyo panyo pa [Pa pa pa panyo panyo pa]  
Takuya: Dakara taberu toki isshonine (puyo) [So let's eat together.]  
Izumi: Komatta tokitte chotto nandemo hanashite goran-nyo [When you are in trouble, you can ask me for help]  
Both: Pa pa pa panyo panyo pa [Pa pa pa panyo panyo pa]  
Izumi: Chikara ni narerukara [I can be a help to you]  
Takuya: Kanka shitemo, naichattemo [Even if we fight or cry]  
Both: Ohiruyasumi onaka ga suita [When it's lunch time,I'm hungry]  
Izumi: Itsumo Happy! Smile! Hello! [Be happy all the time and Smile! Hello!]  
Takuya: Oishii no ga daisuki [I like delicious things]  
Both: Daikkirai wa me kara beam shite bakuhatsu (yatta!) [I blow up things that I hate with my eye beam (whee!)]   
Izumi: Horane Happy! Smile! Hello! [See? Happy! Smile! Hello!]  
Takuya: Picnic ga mainichi [It's a picnic everyday.]  
Shiawase, pocket ni ippai sa asobou. [My pocket is filled with happiness.Let's play a lot]  
Both: Itsumademo [Forever]  
Tsugini happy smile hello. [Next. Happy! Smile! Hello!]  
Takuya: Nichiyoubi ga mainichi [Everyday is a Sunday]  
Izumi: Tama ni na korondemo daijoubusa, fight [It's okay if you fall sometimes, fight]  
Both: Dokomademo [Anywhere]  
  
[A/n: GO DOWNLOAD THIS SONG. NOW. Kawaii-nyo~!]  
  
They both got in nifty poses and then bowed towards the audience.  
  
All the Happymon were so shocked from the greatness of the song, that they and the whole place stage thinger exploded!  
  
~*~  
  
But then the CC's appeared un-injured outside.  
  
"What happened?" asked Takuya.  
  
Everyone else was baffled.  
  
But what they didn't know was that Neemon had secretly moved his fingers back and forth, thereby using Metronome and so the others have no clue. Get it? Like Togepi from Pokemon! Harhar! And then us viewers know, but then Ash and Co. are so stupid not to know and then you scream at the TV: "It was Togepi, dammit! It was Togepi!"... Erm, ignore that last part.   
  
...  
....  
.....  
  
"WE STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT OUR QUEST IS! AHHH!" screamed the CC's as they all ran into a random wall and knocked themselves out.  
  
Overall summary of this Chapter:  
The CC's still don't know what their damn quest is!  
The Authors are still trapped on damn Isle Delfino!  
And I don't know what the hell I was supposed to be doing! XD  
  
DAMN! IT'S CRAZY I TELL YA! CRAZY!  
  
Whoo. *falls out of my computer chair and passes out*  
  
~End of Chapter 18~  
  
A/n: Yes, I know this Chapter was random and made absolutely no sense. I did that on purpose. For you see, the CC's don't know what the hell they're supposed to be doing so they are now subjected to randomness! XD And it'll be like that for the next Chapter or two. And don't tell me otherwise! I also have writer's block! Fear me! *walks around like a zombie*   
Episode 38 rocked! Whoo! You poor deprived dubbies! Mwaha! *jumps up and dances on my computer desk* And Di Gi Charat rules you all! Mwaha! *falls off computer desk*  
No, I'm not hyper. Really. No. I'm not! ... Whatever!   
Anyway, I don't know what to think of this Chapter. I don't know what to think of this fic. So please review now and tell me what you, yes, YOU think! I need to know !Wait, I must know! Kwah! I hope you managed to get through the randomness. XD See ya next Chapter. Hopefully I'll have my mind completely back by then. See ya.  
  
~Cluehunter Karoru  
  
[Chapter Edited: May 10, 2003]  
[Comment: MY NAME IS NOT "CLUEHUTNER JARORU"~!] 


	19. Quest for a Plot! Part 2

A Funny Frontier Tale  
  
A/n: [Edit: Removed for reasons seen at end A/n.] - All I will say is: Movie 7 kicks ass!  
  
~Random Review Responses: Thank you reviewers! =D You guys are great!  
- Epsilon: Yes, I do mind. No, I can't put you in. Because I specifically ranted "No more authors!". I only put Zappermon and Digitaldog in because 1) Zappermon asked in a funny way. And she's my friend and stuff. XD and 2) Digitaldog said she was glad that she wasn't stuck on Isle Delfino so I just put her in just to bug her. So I can't put you in. Nyah!  
- Kouji: PLUSHIES! YAY! *dances around while glomping all my wonderful plushies* =D  
- Shaman King: [Edit: Kozumi rant was removed, so more need for this little note. Yep.]  
- Melinda: I'm about to distrubute the characters evenly! It's all part of my mastah plan! XD  
  
Disclaimer: Mwaha! Yes! I *do* own Digimon Frontier! I'm really Akiyoshi Hongo who learned English and is trying to pass of as a teen who's an obbsessed Takuya fangirl! And is now writing on a website instead of doing my job! You see, it was my dream! To write fanfiction! It's true! I own the show, I own the show!... No! Really! I do! ... Yeah.  
  
Now onward to our tale!  
  
~*~  
A Funny Frontier Tale  
By: Cluehunter Karoru  
Chapter 19: The Quest In The Quest To Find Out What The Damn Quest Is! Part 2  
~*~  
  
Camera comes back on due to the re-charging of the battery. We see The Ghost of the Narrator sitting in a fancy chair with a fire roaring behind him in the fireplace. He's also smoking a pipe and is wearing a robe and slippers.  
The Ghost of the Narrator: *in a British accent* Greetings. And welcome to "Randomness Theatre". Today we have a delightful Chapter. In randomness. It's so random, no one knows what to make out of it. So enjoy today's assortment of "Randomness Theatre".  
CK: You moron! Now I'm gonna get sued by Masterpiece Theatre!  
The Ghost of the Narrator: Oops. Well, see ya! *disappears through the wall*  
CK: Hey! Get back here, dammit!  
A lawyer walks in.  
Lawyer Dude: Are you Cluehunter Karoru?  
CK: o_o ... Erm... No.  
Lawyer Dude: Oh well, that's a shame because she just won a million dollars. Ta ta!  
CK: Gah! Wait, I'm Cluehunter Karoru!  
Lawyer Dude: Thought so! They always fall for that one! You're getting sued!  
CK: Oh - *beep*!  
Lawyer Dude: You can't run from me!  
CK: Oh, yes I can! Ahhh!  
I run into the camera again and eveything goes into static.  
  
~*~  
  
The camera comes back into clear view where we see the CC's still unconcious next to the random wall.  
  
Wow. Exciting, isn't it?  
  
...  
......  
........  
  
Still unconsious.  
  
...  
.....  
........  
  
*looks at watch*  
  
....  
......  
........  
  
I might have something to get them up.  
  
....  
......  
........  
  
... Nah. Not that one.  
  
....  
.......  
.........  
  
On second thought.  
  
...  
.....  
.........  
  
*grabs a megaphone:* RUN! THE PINK BUNNIES HAVE JOINED FORCES WITH THE EVIL DUB SELVES AND ARE THREATENING THE WORLD'S SUGAR SUPPLY AND THE HAM-HAMS!  
  
"No! Ham-Hams! We have to save the Ham-Hams!" exclaimed Takuya, suddenly coming to.  
  
"Ahhh! Evil dub selves!" screamed everybody else.  
  
"But mommy, I don't want to go to school today! I want to stay home and bake cookies with you!" said Neemon.  
  
"o_o"  
  
"Shut up, Neemon," said Bokomon.  
  
"You know, if Digimon Frontier was a hentai, I'd be wearing spandex pants," said Neemon.  
  
"o____o;;"  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed everyone else.  
  
Ack! Go to Isle Delfino!  
  
~*~  
  
On Isle Delfino.  
Takumi Fan: *zombie-like* Soon... Soon... Very soon...The helicopter will come... It will come...  
Over a little farther away.  
The Demented Fangirl: How long has Takumi Fan been repeating that?  
Rukato Fan: Lost count.  
Anime Master ZERO: Actually, 134.8 tiimes.  
Everyone looks toward AMZ.  
Anime Master ZERO: What?  
Zappermon: ... Interesting.  
Digitaldog: Get me off this darn island! Ack!  
Tripmon: Well, Karoru still has a chance to get the helicopter here.  
Authors: *nods*  
Tripmon: But she won't, will she?  
Authors: *shake their heads no*  
Tripmon: -__-  
Terry-Bogard: I still fear for our sanities.  
Takumi Fan: Helicopter... helicopter...- Oh, that's it! Where's the "makes you un-hyper sleeping gas"?  
Everyone looks around and shrugs.  
Takumi Fan: Gah! Then what are we supposed to threaten her with?!  
Authors: Erm.  
Then suddenly a giant lightbulb appears over their heads.  
Authors: Aha!  
But then the lightbulb falls and squishes them all.  
Authors: GWAH! JUST GET US OFF THIS ISLAND! AHHH!  
  
~*~  
  
Back to the CC's.  
  
"-... HHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
Then the CC's stopped screaming.  
  
"... What's hentai?" asked Tomoki.  
  
"o___o"  
  
"Tomoki, it's long story," responded Takuya." Well, first off it's -"  
  
Ack! Scene switch! Scene switch!  
  
~*~  
  
Erm. Somewhere else in Happyville... I dunno. You figure it out.  
  
We see Kouichi walking along.  
  
"Where is Kouji?!" he asked himself.  
  
2 Happymon jumped out of nowhere.  
  
"Somewhere over the raaaaaaain~bow!" they sang. Then they ran off.  
  
"o_o''' ... Maybe I shouldn't have gone through that plothole," said Kouichi.  
  
So he kept walking along. - And will appear again more! Quit bugging me, dammit!  
  
~*~  
  
"... And that's hentai, Tomoki," finished Takuya.  
  
"Ooooooohhhhh," said Tomoki. "... I don't get it."  
  
Everyone fell over.  
  
"Nevermind, just nevermind," said Takuya. Then he dramatically pointed somewhere. "Now we must continue on our quest to find out what the quest is since we didn't do that last Chapter!"  
  
"Actually, we were questing until we were subjected to randomness," said Kouji.  
  
"Same difference!"  
  
Hachachachacha! What did the dentist give the marching band?  
  
"o_o What?" asked the CC's.  
  
A tuba toothpaste! Hahahaha! XD  
  
"-___- "  
  
It's a joke on my popsicle stick. =] You know, the kind that have the jokes on them.  
  
"Really?"  
  
Yes. I thought it was quite amusing so I just randomly put it in here.  
  
"Really?"  
  
Yes.  
  
"Really?!"  
  
Yes!  
  
"Really?!"  
  
YES, DAMMIT! YES!  
  
"Okay! =D"  
  
JUST GO QUEST NOW!  
  
"Okay!"  
  
So they continued onward on their "bold expedition".   
  
"Da da da da da daaah!" sang the CC's... for no apparent reason at all.  
  
...  
....  
.....  
  
You know, I *could* have them sing again. ... Nah.  
  
~*~  
  
~Commercial Time!  
  
Ack! The Commercials dissapeared for a while and now they're back?! ... Make up your freakin' mind, me!  
  
~Commercial Number 1! Whoo!:  
Narrator: Ever get writer's block?  
Random Authors: Yes! Dammit, yes! The horror!  
Narrator: As bad as Karoru's that she is subjected to do these Commercials just to clear her mind and have an excuse for a longer Chapter?  
Random Authors: Errr. Well...  
Narrator: Good! Then use: "Writer's Block Away!" It now comes in a aerosol can!  
Goes to a close-up view of the container and sparkly lights shine around it.  
Random Authors: Ooooohhh. Ahhhhhh.  
Narrator: Now let's try it out on the first vict- erm, tester!   
A random author walks up.  
Random Author 1: Gah! My writer's block is so bad! I cant think! I can't write! I can't liiiiiive!  
Narrator: Erm, then spray it on ya!  
Random Author 1: *sprays it in his/her face* AHHHHHHH! IT BURNS! IT BUUUURNS!  
The other authors: o__o;;  
Random Author 1: AHHH! *runs around in circles and then runs into a wall* Ack! - Wait! Hey! I can think! I know what to write! I'm cured!  
The other authors: o_o Really?!  
Random Author 1: Yes! OH, YES! I'm merely blind and in extreme pain, but I can think again! Ahahaha-ha! *walks into another wall*  
The other authors: o___o  
Narrator: So buy "Writer's Block Away" to-day!  
Authors: HELL NO!  
Goes to another view of the majestic can of wonders.  
Narator: *v/o* "Writer's Block Away"! Made and produced by none other then CluehunterC Corporations!  
[A/n: What?! Hell no! I didn't make that! You bastards! Where's my lawyer?!]  
[Edit: "Cluehunter Karoru Corporations" still doesn't sounds right to me. "]  
  
~Commercial Number 2:   
Random Narrator Thinger: This is a test of the "Random Network" and... hey! Bunny! *hops around like a loon*  
  
... What the hell? o_o  
  
Okay, I can't think of anymore stuff right now. Just go back to the whatever the hell thing this is!  
~Back to the whatever the hell thing this is!  
  
~*~  
  
"THERE'S A WORLD FOR US ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! DI-GI-MON!" screamed the CC's.  
  
... What the hell? Did I miss something? o_o  
  
"... No."  
  
Whatever! Jeez! Grah! Damn writer's block!  
  
"Then just end the Chapter," said Izumi.  
  
Good idea. My wrists are tired.  
  
~*~  
  
Kouichi!  
  
"I'll be back! Hahaha!" said Kouichi.  
  
There.  
  
~*~  
  
Isle Delfino!  
  
Authors: Get us off this damn island!  
  
[A/n: Okay, next Chapter you all are getting off the island and don't tell me how to do it because I have it all already thought of so don't tell me otherwise! Okay? Okay!]  
  
~*~  
  
F0AM!  
  
Some more things exploded. Yay.  
  
*falls out of computer chair and passes out again*  
  
~End of Chapter 19~  
  
A/n: My mind and the intellectual level of this fic is slowly declining. But hey, it's randomness. What're gonna do? Hachachachacha!  
  
[Edit: Removed huge-ass and embarrassing for myself Movie 7 rant.]  
  
~Cluehunter Karoru  
  
[Chapter Edited: May 10, 2003]  
[Comment: PURE CHAPTER SUCKAGE.] 


	20. Quest for a Plot! Part 3

A Funny Frontier Tale - You came. I wrote. We all lost our minds.   
  
A/n: Ahem.  
  
...  
  
I AM SOOOOO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN LIKE FOREVER! ACK! Well, actually it was exactly 17 days, but STILL!  
You see,I have some very good excuses - erm, reasons.  
  
1) My computer wasn't working for a week. So I couldn't write! The horror!  
2) After I got my computer back, my internet couldn't work. So now I couldn't update! The horror!  
3) I had to upgrade my Windows Version to Windowsxp. Which is quite spiffy, I might add.  
4) Then my internet worked! Yay!  
5) But then I got extremely sick and was too lazy to update.  
6) I had a couple of problems with Wordpad at first, but now I know what I need to do! Yay!  
7) And there you have it!  
  
But the thing is, I've had this Chapter finished for about 1 1/2 weeks. Lazy, lazy me! Clue no baka! Anyhoo, I'm happy with this Chapter. [I'm quite pleased with myself, actually. XD] So I I hope you enjoy. Mwaha!  
  
~Review Responses: 300 REIVEWS! TAKE THAT, DEMOCRACY! - Thanks to my reviewers. =]  
Terry-Bogard: I forgive you for your comment. I don't even care anymore. XD  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am merely a obbsessed fan making no profit from this whatsoever. The only profit I get is that warm fuzzy feeling knowing that I can make you people laugh and can bring a smile to your faces. =] And the fact that I can torture you all because I'm the author with the power! Mwahahaha!  
Claimer: I think you'll know which Digimon I own. o_o  
  
Now onward to our tale!  
  
~*~  
A Funny Frontier Tale  
By: Cluehunter Karoru  
Chapter 20: The Quest In The Quest To Find Out What The Damn Quest Is! Part 3  
~*~  
  
The camera comes into clear view where we see the Narrator.  
The Ghost of the Narrator: Well, Karoru doesn't remember anything she wrote for the last Chapter until she goes back and re-reads it, so let's just go from here!  
The camera fades out.  
  
~*~  
  
The camera comes back into view wherever the CC's were last time.  
  
"Okay! Now we are going to do something!" declared Takuya.  
  
"What?" asked the others.  
  
"... I have no idea..."  
  
Everyone fell over.  
  
Suddenly it started snowing!  
  
"Snow?" asked the CC's.  
  
To commemerate the fact that it snowed on Thursday night and Friday, January 16th and 17th,and on Thursday the 23rd, letting me get out of school, I'm letting it snow in Happyville!  
  
"Yay! Snow!" yelled Tomoki as he ran around in circles because he likes ice, you know. He's Chakmon for Pikachu's sake!  
  
"For Pikachu's sake?" asked Junpei.  
  
NEVERMIND! JUST DO SOMETHING!  
  
"O-kay!" yelled the CC's as they saluted me.  
  
So they all started a snowball fight. But Happymon don't like cold!  
  
"Happymon don't like cold! Happymon angry!" said some random Happymon as their eyes turned red and glared at the CC's.  
  
"Ahhh!"  
  
The CC's just threw some snowballs at them and they hit the Happymon. The Happymon fell to the ground twitching because they are just freakishly strange. They all blinked.  
  
"Ooookay... o_o" said Izumi.  
  
But then Takuya snuck up behind her and put a snowball down the back of her shirt.  
  
"Ack! Cold! Gah!" she shouted while jumping around. "Takuya!"  
  
"It wasn't me!" repsonded Takuya, trying to keep from laughing.  
  
"Yes, it was!" she shouted as she grabbed a sharp icicle and started chasing him with it.  
  
"Ahhh! Help me!"  
  
"You won't escape The Wrath of Izumi!"  
  
The others watched the scene and sweatdropped.  
  
Kouji looked up and whispered, "Why me?"  
  
"Why any of us," said Junpei.  
  
"That makes no sense," said Kouji.  
  
"Neither does this!" shouted Neemon. Then he fell to the ground and started break-dancing! o_o "Nee! Nee! Neemon's in the house! Nee! Nee!"  
  
"o__o"  
  
"Just cue the scene switch already -_-" said Bokomon.  
  
Scene switch!  
  
~*~  
  
Hmmm. Where to go... Where to go... Maybe Isle Delfino? =D  
  
...  
....  
.....  
  
NOPE! MWAHAHAHA!  
  
~*~  
  
We see Kouichi on a nearby rooftop next to a giant machine spitting out some strange white powder.  
  
"Wahaha! Those foolish Happyville... dudes! What they don't know is that I got another evil streak! Wahahaha!" laughed Kouichi, being completely out-of-character. "I present my "Fake Snow Machine"! Complete with fake snow and a semi-original name!"  
  
He walked up to it and pulled some levers and stuff.Some more snow came out.  
  
"You see, it looks like real snow and seems like real snow,but when you eat it... You explode! Wahahaha!... And why am I talking to myself? - Or am I?"  
  
Kouichi looked around as some creepy music played in the background. He just shrugged and the music stopped.  
  
"Anyway, now to see if anyone actually explodes after eating the snow! I must know!... And why am I rhyming? - Or am I? - Oh, nevermind!"  
  
Kouichi went to the edge of the roof and leaned over, careful not to fall off, even though he wanted to. He pulled out some binoculars and looked at a huge pile of snow at the bottom that he purposely had planted there.  
  
"Now I need some unsuspecting victims...," he whispered to himself.  
  
A little baby Happymon, named LittleBabyHappymon walked up innocently to the huge pile of snow.  
  
"Aha!"  
  
Kouichi watched LittleBabyHappymon at the pile of snow.  
  
...  
....  
.....  
  
"Gah!" He fell over. "Curse that cur-sed yellow snow!" He shook his fist towards the sky. But then he quickly sprung up and looked frantically through the binoculars at the surroundings. "Now where's Kouji? O little brother, where art thou?"  
  
~*~  
  
Now on Isle Delfino... Just kidding! - With Takuya and Izumi.  
  
"Ahhh!" yelled Takuya as Izumi continued chasing him with the pointy icicle. He eventually came to a dead end. Izumi was closing in! "Izumi! Stop!"  
  
She stopped. "What?"  
  
"Don't hurt me!"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Um, because!"  
  
"Because why?"  
  
"Because I love ya! ^^"  
  
"Aww, Taku..."  
  
[A/n: Awww... Isn't that sweet? =D *falls out of my chair*]  
  
"Ahh, I feel like singing...,"said Takuya.  
  
"Me too..."  
  
NOOO!  
  
Then a random elephant fell from the sky and crashed on top of them both, and pinning Izumi on top of Takuya.  
  
"I am RandomElephantmon!" declared the random elephant. Then he jumped into a nearby plot-hole.  
  
"o_o Well, *that* was random...," groaned Takuya and Izumi. Then they both passed out.  
  
~*~  
  
On Isle Delfino! ... Seriously!  
All the authors were lying around on the beach, dehydrated and hungry.  
Anime Master ZERO: *looking in an empty box* We're out of food and water...  
The others: Ack...  
Terry-Bogard: I still fear for our... Ahh, screw it.  
Zappermon: HELP US, CLUEHUNTER KARORU! SAVE OUR POOR WRITER'S BLOCKED SOULS!  
The Demented Fangirl: ... Gah... Must get off island...  
Takumi Fan: And I don't even have the "makes you un-hyper sleeping gas" anymore...  
Rukato Fan - Err, I mean Dejitaru_Yami: We're all gonna die, aren't we?  
Tripmon: Probably.  
Authors: Ahhh!  
???: What the hell are you talking about dying?  
All the authors looked over towards the voice and it was none other than me.  
Authors: *happily* KARORU!  
CK: Yeah?  
Authors: You're here!  
CK: Uh, yeah.  
Dejitaru_Yami: Clue! First I was ticked, then I was sad, then I was mad, then I was sad again. But now I'm happy! You're here! ... But I'm not going to hug you.  
CK: ... Please don't.  
Takumi Fan: Yay! CK! You've come to save us! ... What took you so damn long?!  
CK: What took *me* so damn long? What took *you* guys so damn long?!  
The Demented Fangirl: But we were trapped on the island!  
CK: But you see-  
Digitaldog: *interrupting me* Where's the helicopter?  
Everyone looks around, but they don't see any helicopter. They then look towards me, very freaked-out.  
Authors: Where's the helicopter?!  
CK: *slaps forehead* There is no helicopter!  
Authors: What?!  
CK: But we don't need a helicopter!  
Authors: What?! No helicopter?! Are you crazy?!  
CK: Maybe, but let me explain.  
I walk out into the water about a couple of yards, but it only goes about up to my knees.  
CK: For some unexplainable reason *coughanotherplotholecough*, the water receeded after the explosion. So now it's only about knee-high! And besides, the Happyville mainland is only about a couples of yards away, anyway. *points to the nearby land*  
Authors: *jaws drop*  
CK: *looking at the mainland* I'm surprised you guys didn't see it before.  
Authors: ... *jaws are still dropped*  
CK: I mean, it wasn't that easy to miss...  
I slightly laugh and turn around, only to see the Authors glaring at me.  
CC: *sweatdrop* Uhh... guys?  
Takumi Fan: You mean... we were trapped on this island for who knows how long... And the mainland was right there?!  
CK: *gulps* Pretty much.  
They all facefault and then look down seriously.  
Authors: ... Hmmm... GET HER!  
CK: Ack! Damn!  
I run towards the mainland with the angry Authors trailing behind me.  
CK: *still running* Oops. I should tell them that there's a deep spot around here somewhere.  
~~~SPLOOOSH!~~~  
CK: Oop. They found it.  
Authors: *glub glub*  
I look toward the deep spot, but then I start walking toward the mainland again.  
CK: Well, I guess that takes care of that!  
But then while walking, I fall into another deep spot.  
CK: Gah!  
~SPLOOSH!~  
  
...  
....  
.....  
  
And that's how you all got off the island! *closes book* Now wasn't that fun, children?  
  
~*~*  
  
~The Commercials will be in every other Chapter. So that's next Chapter. Okay? Okay!  
~*~  
  
Back with Takuya and Izumi.  
  
Takuya woke up and rubbed his head, then he noticed Izumi lying on top of him. He faced the camera [us] and raised his eyebrows up and down while grinning.  
  
[A/n: *falls to the floor laughing after typing that sentence* XD]  
  
But he tried to wake her up.  
  
"Hey, Izumi!"  
  
He shook her shoulder.  
  
"I-zu-mi!"  
  
Still unconsious.  
  
"Hmmm..."  
  
Then he got an idea.  
  
"Ahhhhh! Izumi! It's the dub!"  
  
"Nooo!"  
  
Izumi sprung awake and slapped the crap out of Takuya.  
  
"Gah!"  
  
He got up off the ground and stood up.  
  
"Can we stop it with the violence?!" shouted Takuya.  
  
"Well, don't freak me out like that! The dub attacking is a serious issue!"  
  
"Oh, jeez!"  
  
"Ahem," said another voice.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Takuya and Izumi looked up to find a strange-looking Happymon sitting on a ledge on the building and holding a video camera.  
  
"And you two must be Takuya and Izumi?" asked the Happymon.  
  
"Yeah...," responded Takuya.  
  
"Well, I'm AnnoyingCan'tKeepASecretHappymon! And I know you two have a secret! A secret relationship, that is!"  
  
"What?!" they both exclaimed.  
  
"I've got all the proof right here on video! Gwahahaha!" laughed AnnoyingCan'tKeepASecretHappymon, waving the tape around.  
  
"Gah! Give us that tape!"  
  
"Nope! I think I'll just go tell your friends and give it to *them*! Ta ta!"  
  
The Happymon bounded off, leaving two angry CC's behind him.  
  
"No! Give *us* that tape,you moron!"they both shouted as they ran after him.  
  
[A/n: I forgot to say that Takuya and Izumi are trying to keep their little 'relationship' a secret from the others. I sense a plot for once! Wowzers!]  
  
~*~  
  
The others were standing around doing nothing, still due to the fact that they don't know what the hell they're supposed to be doing in the first place.  
  
"Gwahahahahaha!"  
  
"Nooo! Give us the tape!"  
  
"Huh?" asked the others.  
  
AnnoyingCan'tKeepASecretHappymon suddenly jumped in front of them.  
  
"Hello! Hello! Hello!" he shouted. "Would you guys like a video? Specifically this one!"  
  
He held it up for them to see.  
  
"What's so special about it?" asked Kouji.  
  
"Weeeellllll it has on it..."  
  
"Nooooooo!" shouted Takuya and Izumi as they pounced on the Happymon.  
  
"Gah!"  
  
"You little son of a-"  
  
They both were beating the crap of of the Happymon in a giant cartoon dustcloud. Then Takuya punted the Happymon over to the other side of Happyville.  
  
"What was that all about?" asked Junpei.  
  
"Nothing!" said Takuya and Izumi. "Nothing at all!"  
  
Junpei blinked. "Hmmm..."  
  
Tomoki was very confused.  
  
"I'm very confused," said Tomoki.  
  
Bokomon and Neemon were dancing the macerena for some freakishly random reason! o_o  
  
"Uh oh," said Izumi.  
  
"What?" asked Takuya.  
  
"We forgot to get the tape!"  
  
"Ahhh! Shimatta!"  
  
They both ran off. The others shrugged and just followed them.  
  
~*~  
  
"No one has exploded yet!" cried Kouichi, still leaning over the edge of the roof. His Fake Snow Machine was still spitting out the fake snow.  
  
"Ahhhhhh!"  
  
"Huh?" Kouichi turned around and saw the AnnoyingCan'tKeepASecretHappymon flying through the air heading right towards him. But he just flew into an open vent on the fake snow machine.  
  
"Gaaaaah!" cried AnnoyingCan'tKeepASecretHappymon.  
  
CLONG. CRINK. BOING!  
  
The machine started going crazy and the opening that was shooting out the snow pointed right at Kouichi.  
  
"Oh... damn...," swore Kouichi.  
  
Then the Happymon shot right out of the machine and knocked Kouichi off the roof of the building and heading towards the pile of snow at the bottom.  
  
"Ahhhhhhh!"  
  
*CRASH! INTO THE SNOW!*  
  
After landing, Kouichi quickly jumped out of the pile.  
  
"Ack! Unsanitary! Stop! Drop! Roll!"  
  
Kouichi was rolling around on the ground and when he stopped, he realized there was a Happymon on his head.  
  
"There's a Happymon on my head," he said.  
  
[A/n: *slaps forehead*]  
  
Kouichi grabbed the Happymon by the collar and held him up. He grabbed the camera [with the tape now inside it] out of his hands and looked at it.  
  
"Hmmm..."  
  
"Kouichi's got the tape!"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Gahhh!" yelled Takuya and Izumi as they pounced on Kouichi and the Happymon and started beating the crap out of them in another cartoon dustcloud.  
  
CRASH! BAM! WHAP! POW! PAIN! CHEAP SOUND EFFECT!  
  
Kouichi managed to crawl out of the dustcloud and he saw the others coming. And that includes Kouji.  
  
"Kouji!" he yelled to his brother happily.  
  
"Oh, crap!" exclaimed Kouji.  
  
The bandana-boy tried to run away, but Kouichi had jumped on him and hugged him.  
  
[A/n: *coughIsupportKoukoucough* But don't worry, this is just *brotherly* love. XD]  
  
"Gah!"  
  
"Kouji! I was looking everywhere for ya!"  
  
"Awww, bwotherly wuv...,"mocked Junpei.  
  
"You be quiet!" said Kouji.  
  
Takuya and Izumi were still pounding the whatzits out of the stupid Happymon. Then Takuya punted it away to wherever again. And Izumi now had the camera with the tape.  
  
"Yay! We got the tape! Victory dance!" said Takuya and Izumi. Then they both started dancing around in a circle.  
  
"Uhhh...," said the others.  
  
"You two are starting to freak me out," said Tomoki.  
  
"And what is on that tape anyway?!" demanded Bokomon, who has had barely any lines this Chapter!  
  
"Uh... nothing!" they both said, as Izumi threw the camera to who-knows-where.  
  
~*~  
  
Over at who-knows-where.  
  
You see me, soaking wet, limp up further onto the Happyville mainland.  
  
CK: Phew! I finally lost those Authors! At least I hope I did, anyway...  
  
Then that same camera flies out of nowhere and hits me in the head.  
  
CK: Gah! *falls over*  
  
I sit up and rub my head, then I notice the camera next to me.  
  
CK: Huh?  
  
I watch what's on the tape [You know, how you can from those viewing window things] and get a thoughtful look on my face.  
  
CK: Hmmm. Interesting. Well, I already knew this being the author and all, but-  
  
I jump up, holding the camera above my head with one hand.  
  
CK: -can you say "blackmail material"? Mwahahaha!  
  
I jump around some more with a devious grin on my face.  
  
CK: Heehee! Finally! Those CC's - well, actually Takuya and Izumi - will listen to *me* and do what *I* want! Mwahaha!  
  
A celestial choir sings in the background as a golden spotlight shines on me.  
  
CK: And no one else will try to kill me or seriously hurt me! Oh, happy day!  
  
"Did someone say 'happy'?!"  
  
CK: Hmm?  
  
I turn around to find three Happymon behind me.  
  
"Well,did you say happy?"asked Happymon 1.  
  
CK: Yeah...  
  
"So are you happy?" asked Happymon 2.  
  
CK: Well, not technically 'happy'. More like 'overjoyed'. ^^  
  
"Overjoyed?!"  
  
The Happymon then got into a huddle and were whispering to each other.  
  
"Does overjoyed count?"  
  
"I don't know. Does it?"  
  
"Beats me."  
  
They continued whispering and then they turned back around.  
  
CK: *blinks* ...  
  
"No. Overjoyed doesn't count. You must be happy. You burn!"  
  
CK: Ahhh! Crap!  
  
So the Happymon started chasing me with lighters and torches as I ran for my life.  
  
CK: Ahh! So much for not being kiled and/or seriously injured! Nooo!  
  
"Gwahahahahaha!"  
  
~*~  
  
Back with the CC's.  
  
"So what do we do now?" asked Kouji.  
  
They all blinked and fell over.  
  
"WE STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT OUR QUEST IS! AHHHHHH!"  
  
They all rolled on the ground, sobbing.  
  
Then umm... erm... you see... uhh...  
  
The CC's looked up.  
  
"What?" they asked.  
  
I... can't... think...  
  
"Uh oh..."  
  
Suddenly the sky turned dark as an even darker object lurked overhead. It was heading right for the CC's!  
  
"What the fu-?!"   
  
Duuunnn, duuunnn, duunnnnnn! Dramatic cliffhanger thinger!   
  
~End of Chapter 20, *not* Chapter 21! Jeez!~  
  
A/n: I hope you Authors are happy with how you got off Isle Delfino. XD You thought it was going to explode again, didn't ya? Didn't ya? Huh? Huh? Huh?!  
So review reading people who are about to review since you all care about my well-being, don't you? =D  
SEE YA NEXT CHAPTER! MWAHAHA!  
  
~Cluehunter Karoru  
  
[Chapter Edited: May 10, 2003]  
[Comment: WHY THE COURIER NEW?! IT BURNS.] 


	21. Insert Nifty Chapter Title Here

A Funny Frontier Tale - A N3W CHPTUR?!1 OMG LOL WTF!!!111!!  
  
A/n: Damn it all! I haven't updated since Jan 30th. Gah, curse this fic and all the evil writer's block it brings me. XP  
But I swear, if anyone else mentions a cliche "Izumi-gets-kidnapped-by-an-evil-entity-and-Takuya-has-to-go-save-her" idea, I'm going to strangle them. Literally. I don't know how. I just will. Okay? Jeez!  
Oh, and since Epilson asked and since I'm tired of the dubbies making a fuss, I'll talk about the Takumi moment in Episode 37 and also - because some other people asked - the "supposed Takumi-ness" in Movie 7. Yep. *points to the end Chapter A/n* Heh, I feel so "powerful" knowing stuff like this. XD  
  
Hey,what about the review responses?: I don't feel the need to respond right now.  
  
Disclaimer: I own what own. I am who I am. I own this fic,but I don't own the stuff in it! 'Kay?  
  
Now onward to our tale!  
  
~*~  
A Funny Frontier Tale  
By: Cluehunter Karoru  
Chapter 21: =Insert Nifty Chapter Title Here.=  
~*~  
  
The camera opens to wherever the Narrator and myself are at the beginning of the Chapter.  
The Ghost of the Narrator: When we last left the CC's, they were about to be attacked by the wr- *gets sucked into a vacuum cleaner*  
Karoru (Me, if you're still confused.): *holding the vacuum cleaner* You, moron! Don't ruin the cliffhanger!  
The Ghost of the Narrator: *from inside:* But I think the readers already know what it is.  
Karoru: Well, they better not.  
I put the vacuum in reverse and shoot the Narrator out the window.  
Karoru: *faces the readers* Onward to the Chapta!  
  
~*~  
  
"What the fuzz?!"  
  
A huge, and I mean, HUGE dark stone block loomed over the unsuspecting Chosen Children. Little did they know that it was evil, bad, and wasn't too good for us authors. It was... dunnn, dunnnnnnn, duuuunnnnnn!  
  
THE WRITER'S BLOCK!   
  
=Inserts screams, gasps, and cries of "No!" and "The horror!" here.=  
  
"YOU CAN'T THINK!" boomed the thinger.  
  
"Uhhhh,"said the CC's.  
  
"YOU CAN'T WRITE!"  
  
"Errrr..."  
  
"YOU CAN'T LIVE!"  
  
"Hmmmm..."  
  
"SHUT UP! FEAR ME!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because... I'M EVIL! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
"Oh, okay."  
  
If writer's blocks could fall over, I'm sure it would have.  
  
"GRRRRR! FIGHT ME!" boomed the writer's block.  
  
"Why?" asked Izumi.  
  
"Because I'm evil, you're good. It just goes together that way!"  
  
Kouichi thought, 'Sure. They may think *I'm* good... But I still have the evil streak!' "MWAHAHAHAHA~!"  
  
Everyone looked oddly at Kouichi.  
  
" o_o Did I just laugh out loud?" he asked. [A/n: Laugh-out-loud! LOL-ing! PH43R!! XD]  
  
"Yes, Kouichi. Yes you did," responded Kouji.  
  
"^^;; Uh..."  
  
"You thinger!" Takuya shouted dramatically while pointing at the writer's block. "You die!"  
  
"NO! YOU CANNOT DESTROY ME! FOR I AM EVIL AND FEARED AND TALK IN THE CAPS LOCK!"  
  
"Whatever! Wee! Let's kick ass!" shouted Tomoki.  
  
Takuya started to freak out.  
  
"Ass?! Where have you heard this damn language from?!" demanded Takuya.  
  
"Hell if we know," said Izumi.  
  
"YOU'VE BEEN CORRUPTED! NO!" shouted Takuya.  
  
"o_O" was everyone else's reponse.  
  
"Uh, Takuya?" asked Junpei.  
  
"Oreos are good. ^.^" he responded.  
  
"Where did you get Oreos?!" asked Bokomon.  
  
"PLOTHOLE!"  
  
"Um, hello...?" asked the writer's block.  
  
"I want some Oreos!" said Neemon.  
  
"No, no. You don't need any Oreos," repsonded Bokomon.  
  
"A-hem!" the writer's block cleared his "throat".  
  
"I like Oreos too. ^.^ The double stuffed kind," said Izumi.  
  
"Bleh! Oreos are nasty!" said Kouji.  
  
"Why are we talking about Oreos?"asked Junpei. "Although, I'd want some."  
  
"I'm hungry!" Kouichi blurted out.  
  
"SHUT UP AND FIGHT ME, DAMMIT! QUIT STALLING!!"  
  
"Stalling...?" asked Takuya in a creepy-crazy-guy-voice. "Stalling? Who's stalling?! MWAHAHAHA~!"  
  
"Great. Not only do we have to fight a giant block, but Takuya's lost it," said Kouji.  
  
"He has not lost it. It is merely the effects of sugar," Bokomon said.  
  
"YESH! IT IS TRUE!" exclaimed Izumi. Everyone looked weirdly at her. "Oreos are good. ^.^"  
  
"... -___-"everyone else responded.  
  
Then suddenly another big scary voice boomed out out of nowhere, "STOP!"  
  
"- In the name of looove!" sang a high-pitched female voice.  
  
"SHUT UP, RANAMON!" yelled some other voices.  
  
Then a... beer drinking song started playing? o_o  
  
Cherubimon walked out on top of the writer's block - followed by his "lackies", supplying the music - wearing a completely green Irish-looking outift. He cleared his throat. "Give mah all o' yo Spirts, so that I mah summon tha powa of me blarney!" Cherubimon shouted in an Irish accent.  
  
... The CC's just stood there, blinking,a nd staring.  
  
"..." Cherubimon waited.  
  
Still blinking.  
  
"..." Still waiting.  
  
Stare.  
  
"..." Cherubimon turned to the Evil Hybrids. "That entrance didn't go so good, did it?"  
  
"I TOLD you we should've done the Team Rocket entrance again. It's nifty!" whined Grottomon.  
  
"Actually, *I* suggested we did the Sailor Moon entrance again," said Mercuremon.  
  
"Sure, you just want to wear a skirt!" said Arbormon.  
  
Ranamon rolled her eyes. "As long as *I'm* the star."  
  
"Oh, it's always about YOU, isn't it?" asked Grottomon.  
  
Cherubimon twitched. "Shut up! We have to steal the Spirts!"  
  
"NO YOU DON'T, DAMMIT! THE KIDS ARE FIGHTING ME!" boomed the writer's block from underneath them, scaring the crap out of all of them.  
  
"AHHHHH!"  
  
They all fell off.  
  
"AHHHHH!"  
  
And they crashed.  
  
BOOM.  
  
" o_o Well, that was uh, "interesting"...," said Kouichi.  
  
"Interesting isn't the word for it o_o," said Kouji.  
  
"Yeah, it's actually a phrase," added Junpei. "That's some messed up sh-"  
  
- MEANWHILE!  
  
~*~  
  
Da da da da da daaaaaa!  
  
"We will be important to the plot!" exclaimed Chibi Beast Sensei [CBS] Vritramon, dramatically pointing a claw into the air. CBS Shutumon, Garmmon, Bolgmon, Blizzarmon were standing around him.  
  
"Plot? Plot? Where?! Where?!" Shutumon frantically looked around. "We have a plot?!"  
  
"Well, of course we have a plot! It's elementary, my dear Shutumon," he responded, speaking in a British accent.  
  
"Hahahahahaha!" laughed Blizzarmon for no real reason.  
  
"But how exactly are we going to be important to the "plot"?" asked Bolgmon.  
  
"Well, we are an important plot element, after all," responded Vritramon. "Except no one seems to care about us. ;_; All the reviewers seem to care more about Kouji's damn catchpharse than us! o_o"  
  
"So what do we do now?" asked Garmmon.   
  
"-___-"  
  
"So?" asked Shutumon.  
  
"So what?" asked Vritramon.  
  
"So what are we going to do?"  
  
"So what are we going to do now?" asked Garmmon.  
  
"So what are we going to do now that we need to be important to the plot?" asked Blizzarmon.  
  
"JOLLY GOOD!" screamed another voice.  
  
"What the hell?!" exclaimed the others.  
  
And now, making his "interesting" debut - CBS KaiserLeomon!  
  
"Isn't this a jolly good day, jolly good?" asked KaiserLeomon in a British slur as he slid up, wearing an eye spectacle and somehow carrying a glass of tea. He addressed Garmmon. "Good day, dear brother."  
  
"Brother? o_o;; But you're a cat... thing!"  
  
"Ahh, but technically we are brothers," he said as he just poured the tea into his mouth because KaiserLeomon's mouth is always open. It's just stuck like that. "I do believe I have some kind of lock jaw," KaiserLeomon commented as he dabbed the tea away from his mouth with a napkin.  
  
"Well, I only open my mouth every now and then, yet I can talk without moving my mouth," said Garmmon.  
  
"Same here... o_o ," said Vritramon.  
  
"My mouth is covered up," said Shutumon. "Yet I can breathe just fine."  
  
"Hey, I don't even HAVE a mouth," commented Bolgmon. "I have a big cannon... thing."  
  
"Haha! I talk while moving my mouth!" Blizzarmon grinned.  
  
The others glared at him.  
  
"I'll blow you up with my eye beam - nyo!" threatened Vritramon.  
  
"Yeah - gema!"added Shutumon.  
  
"Nyu!" shouted Garmmon.  
  
"Uh, you guys, I don't think that many people watch Di Gi Charat," said Bolgmon.  
  
"Oh, shut up," commanded Vritramon.  
  
"You guys, we're getting a bit off-topic," claimed Blizzarmon.  
  
"FOOOAM!!" randomly screamed everyone.  
  
...  
  
They all blinked. Shrugged. Then Vritramon pulled a holy-looking map out of somewhere.  
  
"Guys, this is the key to getting a plot," he said pointed to a spot on the map.  
  
"What? What?!" demanded the others.  
  
"We must quest... FOR THE HOLY - Um, wait - FOR THE MAGICAL, AMAZING, AND KISS-ASS PLOT DEVICE!"  
  
He stood up and held his arms high to the sky as an image of the Holy Grail - erm, Plot Device [Patent pending.] appeared above their heads as golden spotlights shone around it as a celestial choir sang in the background.  
  
"Nifty...," they all said in a zomblie-like-trance.  
  
"And... yep. ^^"  
  
"So where is it?" asked the others.  
  
Vritramon blinked. "I have no idea."  
  
They all fell over.  
  
~*~  
  
~Whee! Commercial time! My favorite part! ;D  
  
Commercial #1:  
Scene opens to a bright studio place. It's in front of a blank backdrop. On a small table is a cereal box. Suddenly, Kouji steps out into camera view.  
Kouji: Hello, everyone. You know me as Kouji. Yep. Aka: The fangirl magnet! ;)   
Several Kouji fangirls squeal in the background as Kouji smiles.  
Kouji: So I'm promoting my, um..."Koujiness" with my new product which I am endorsing! Presenting: "Bishounen Flakes!"  
Kouji holds up the box as the camera does a close-up on it. The Kouji fangirls get louder as they squeal some more at the image of Kouji on the box looking very "bishie-like".  
Kouji: So you fangirls love me, right?  
Kouji fangirls: *in EXTREMELY high-pitched voices:* Yes, we love you, Kouji!  
Kouji: Then buy my cereal! *winks*  
The Kouji fangirls snap and then procede to glomp the hell out of Kouji. The camera goes into static as Kouji screams for dear life.  
...  
*scoffs* Those immature Kouji fangirls. *looks at Takuya pics* LOOK IT'S TAKU!1 OMG!11! *goes crazy*  
  
Commercial #2:  
Deep-voiced Narrator: Coming soon to a ff.net near you!  
Ever wonder what the Frontier crew is like *behind* the scenes?  
Technical difficulties?  
Outtakes?  
Costume problems?  
Any "off screen relationships"?  
Well... TOO BAD!Haha!  
...  
Just kidding.  
  
Behind the Scenes of Digimon Frontier!  
By: Cluehunter Karoru [Yep! ^^... Unfortunately.]  
Rating: PG-13 [*evil grin*]  
Documented By: You'll see soon enough.  
Coming... sometime - to a ff.net near you! Oh, but if I see anybody write something like this first, I'll rip their throat out. ;D  
  
Commerical #3:  
  
~*Presenting: Another Test of the Randomness Network.*~  
FOAM!  
WAKA!  
WHEE!  
W00T!  
PURPLE BUNNIES EAT BRAINS!  
THE SQUISHY DINOSAUR SLIPPERS ARE ATTACKING YOU!  
CAFFIENE AND BOREDOM ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD!  
KARORU IS AN IDIOT!  
... Thank you.  
  
~Now back to this fic.   
  
~*~  
  
Now the Chosen Children had Spirted Evolved to their H-Hybrid forms. [Yes, even Kouichi into Lowemon.]  
  
And now... THEY SHALL FIGHT DA WRITA'S BLOCK! YEAH! KICK ITS ASS!  
  
"Yeah! Ass-kicking time! w00t!" exclaimed Fairymon.  
  
"w00t? o_o" asked the others.  
  
But then Fairymon flew up to the writer's block and proceeded to kick the crap out of it. It had no effect, unfortunately.  
  
"Uh oh."  
  
Then with some mental power stuff, the writer's block blasted Fairymon back against a random building.  
  
"Gah!"  
  
"Um, Izumi, you okay?" asked Agnimon.  
  
"Grrr! No! I am not okay! I am tired of being worthless and getting my ass kicked all the time!"  
  
Some women activists in the background went, "You go,girl!"  
  
"I will not be a toy for fanservice ANYMORE!"  
  
"Yeah! Preach it, sista!"  
  
Fairymon smiled and pointed at the writer's block. "You die!"  
  
"Uh..."  
  
Then Fairymon pulled a mallet out of Hammerspace and hit the writer's block at one spot.  
  
...  
  
Then it exploded.  
  
"The hell-?! o_o" asked the guys.  
  
" Yep! I killed the writer's block!"  
  
"Uh... WOMAN WINS AGAIN!"  
  
Fairymon walked up to the camera and shouted, "GOT THAT RIGHT! BOOYAH!"  
  
"Okay, so now that the writer's block is gone, now what?" asked Chakmon.  
  
"Don't you see!" began Agnimon as his hair waving dramatically in a convient Anime wind. "We now have to find the plot. By... the... MAGICAL, AMAZING, AND KISS-ASS PLOT DEVICE!"  
  
"Yay!" said everyone else.  
  
"Well, slap a sticker on it and call me nanny!" randomly exclaimed Blitzmon.  
  
The others looked at him strangley. "..."  
  
"Oh, shut up! I just always wanted to say that!"  
  
"Anyway, onward!" pointed Agnimon.  
  
So they all treked toward the Plot Device, not knowing the Chibi Beast Sensei's were heading for the same thing.  
  
~End of Chapter 21! w00t!~  
  
A/n: Odd. I was listening to rap music [Eminem] while writing this Chapter and it was oddly motivating. o_o  
  
*sighs* Anyhoo, to you dubbies -or anyone else- who wants some spoilers and whatnot:  
  
Q: Karoru-san, what hapened in the Takumi moment in Episode 37? *tugs on my sleeve*  
A: The Takumi moment was not *real*. It was in Takuya's dream. So technically, Izumi had nothing to do with that scene. Cherubimon blasted the hell out of Manga Garurumon and Kaiser Greymon and temporarilly knocked them out. Takuya had a dream that he woke up on Izumi's lap and that they were on their "day date" [because Izumi promised Takuya and Kouji each a "day date" if they defeated Cherubimon]. So in other words, Taku had a wet dream 'bout 'Zumi. XDXD But Izumi did look VERY happy to see Takuya when he came back from the battle. ;)  
  
Q: But what abou Kouji running from the others? o_o  
A: They were trying to get him to wear a pink belt because that's what Bokomon promised them.   
  
Q: Karoru-san? What about the supposed Takumi-ness in Movie 7? Did Izumi tell Takuya how she felt about him?  
A: Damn those rumors. No. There was no "Takumi scene" whatsoever.  
  
Anyway, expect the next Chapter up soon. Hopefully. ;P  
  
~Karoru  
  
[Chapter Edited: May 3, 2003]  
[Comment: Izumi says - GIRL POWA!] 


	22. The Kickass Plot Device

A Funny Frontier Tale - *randomly dances with the Spanish Ham-Hams* XD Inside joke.  
  
A/n: ... Oh my God. Look, everyone, look. You thought it wasn't possible. But it was possible! AN UPDATE!! OMG. LOL. WTF!!!111! AN UPDATE! WWWOOOOOWOWOWOWOWOW! OH MY GOOOOOOODD!!!!1111oneoneonetwo!!!1 I ACTUALLY UPDATED THIS!! AHHHHH!!111! OMG. OMG. OMG. LOL. WTF!!  
  
...  
  
If you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. Mwaha!  
  
~Review Responses:  
*whiny little kid voice:* But moooooommmy... I don't wanna do the review responses todaaaaaay!   
  
Disclaimer: *fiesta music starts playing in the background as I shake a pair of maracas and sing:*  
La cucaracha! La cucaracha!  
Digimon Frontier doesn't belong to me!  
La cucaracha! La cucaracha!  
I don't own anything else, you see!  
La cucaracha! La cucaracha!  
Neither does it belong to you!  
La cucaracha! La cucaracha!  
So now you can't sue!  
Ariba!  
  
Now onward to our tale!  
  
~*~  
A Funny Frontier Tale  
By: Cluehunter Karoru  
Chapter 22: The Magical, Amazing, and Kick-ass Plot Device!  
~*~  
  
Dur. Camera opens to wherever the Narrator and I are! And yes, peeps,this *is* a long-running joke.  
The Ghost of the Narrator: I assume you got over your fear of ghosts?  
Karoru: Hell no! o_o *hides*  
The Ghost of the Narrator: -___-  
Karoru: *from behind a chair* Just tell the peeps what happened last Chapter.  
The Ghost of the Narrator: Sigh! Last Chapter, the CC's fought the writer's block, the Chibi Beast Senseis did some random stuff. And blah, blah, blah!  
Karoru: That's it?  
The Ghost of the Narrator: Yep.  
Karoru: That sucks.  
The Ghost of the Narrator: Well, you wrote it.  
Karoru: ... Shut up.  
The Ghost of the Narrator: Yo momma!  
Karoru: o_O Mother? You have a mother? I thought you were adopted.  
The Ghost of the Narrator: ... I TOLD YOU NOT TO TALK ABOUT THAT! *runs out sobbing*  
Karoru: o_o Uh... Onward to the Chapter?  
Camera fades out.  
  
~*~  
  
"So what do...," began Wolfmon.  
  
"SHUT YOUR TRAP, KOUJI!" exclaimed everyone else except Lowemon.  
  
"What? What was he about to say?" he asked.  
  
"-_- Nothing at all," Agnimon responded.  
  
"Ph34r," said Chakmon.  
  
"OMG. LOL. WTF!!!11111!" exclaimed Neemon.  
  
Everyone looked at him oddly.  
  
"^.^"  
  
"-___-"  
  
"Anyway...," began Blitzmon. "Weren't we looking for the magical, amazing, and kick-ass plot device?"  
  
"I think we are... UNLESS WE'RE IN AN ALTERNATE DEMENSION! o_o" exclaimed Fairymon.  
  
"..." said the guys.  
  
"^^;; The Oreos still haven't worn off."  
  
The others fell over.  
  
"The Plot Device is very magical, amazing, and kick-@$$," said Bokomon, trying to sound smart while looking through his book.  
  
"@$$?" asked Neemon.  
  
"I do not swear. Only those with a poor vocabulary do as such," he responded.  
  
"Well... SCREW YOU,BASTARD!!" exclaimed everyone else ['cept Chakmon]. Then they laughed like hyenas.  
  
"... Anyway, instead of wasting time, we should get questing now!"  
  
"Questing? A quest! Indeed!" commanded Agnimon.  
  
In fact, they wanted to quest so bad, they felt like singing!:  
  
"Oooooohhh... We are the Chosen Children!  
That like to beat up villians!  
Except this story has not plot!  
And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!  
Stuff that ryhmes!  
HAND OVER THE OREOS, BITCH."  
  
... Anyway... This is going downhill fast. Scene switch?  
  
~*~ --- The thingers that indicate a scene switch. Nifty, ne?  
  
The Chibi Beast Senseis were walking, err- questing around for the Plot Device. For you see, it was very important to them. They wanted to be important to the plot. They need a plot to be important to. Without a plot, there is nothing to be of importance. Which is what they need to be important to. The plot. Therefore, the importance of questing for the Plot Device! To get a plot! So they can be important! And being important to that plot they shall! Go, Chibi Beast Seneis, go! You - can - do - it!  
  
"... That was a bit much, Karoru," stated CBS Vritramon.  
  
*shrugs*  
  
"Anyway, oh, Vritramon, you're so smart! Leading us to the Plot Device!" flirted Shutumon.  
  
"Well, uh, thanks. Heheh," responded Vritramon, feeling quite flustered.  
  
"Oooooohhh...," Blizzarmon chanted like a little kindergartener.  
  
"Shut up you," commanded Vritramon.  
  
"Ahahaha! I sure wish I had some scones to bring along on this quest of sorts!" blurted out the British KaiserLeomon. "Or some more tea bags. Questing for fictional things that the author thinks of in the span of two mintues makes one so very thristy!"  
  
"Hey, *we* were thought up in the span of two mintues too, you know," commented Garmmon.  
  
"Aha, how very noticible of you, brother."  
  
"Same with Happyville," said Bolgmon. "And The Happymon. And even CluehunterC Corporations, which she'll have to rename now..."  
  
"My, Karoru doesn't think much into this fanfic, does she?"  
  
"Ya think?" responded Garmmon sarcastically at his brother's n00b-ishness.  
  
"Will you all shut up so we can just get to the damn Plot Device?!" asked/commanded Vritramon.  
  
"Uh... YEAH YOU HEARD HIM,SO SHUT YOUR TRAPS!!" yelled Shutumon.  
  
"Ma'am, yes, ma'am!" said the others.  
  
"Good."  
  
"So? =D" asked Garmmon.  
  
The others looked at him weird. "So what?"  
  
"So what... DO WE DO NOW? MWA HA HA HA HA."  
  
"Grr! That does it!"  
  
Then they all proceded to advance on Garmmon menacingly. Garmmon, now scared out of his wits, zoomed off.  
  
"You'll never catch Garmmon Racer!" he yelled."Mwa ha ha ha ha!"  
  
"Oh, yes we will!!"  
  
They all ran after "Garmmon Racer" threatening to stab him with sharp, painful objects. Garmmon, needing a fast escape route took a shortcut into the town square. But along the way, he ran head-first into a tall metal object -  
  
*CLONK!*  
  
- Thereby, keeling over with large Anime swirls in his eyes.  
  
"Err, Garmmon...?"  
  
But upon closer inspection, the metal object was a huge *steel* tower that was... very, very tall.  
  
Vritramon: "Woah..."  
Shutumon: "Neaters..."  
KaiserLeomon: "By jove..."  
Blizzarmon: "Dude..."  
Bolgmon: "The hell...?"  
Garmmon: "Oww..."  
  
Well put, Chibi Beast Senseis.  
  
They all looked up at it. There wasn't really that much to it, though. That is, until they noticed what rested on top of the tower.  
  
"GASP!"  
  
Indeed, it was the magical, amazing, and kick-ass Plot Device!  
  
"We finally found it!" exclaimed Bolgmon.  
  
"Huzzah!" cheered Vritramon. "Happy dance!"  
  
They all randomly danced where they were. Even the keeled-over Garmmon.  
  
"Okay, stop!"  
  
Then they stopped.  
  
"I can't believe it," said Shutumon, as her eyes clouded with dramatic Anime tears. "This means we'll finally get a plot. And with a plot, we'll have something to be important to. So we can be important to the plot! Yayzies!"  
  
"We've established that," stated Bolgmon.  
  
"Oh, shut up, Bolgmon," said Vritramon. "Anyway, but *how* are we going to get the plot device if it's way up there?!"  
  
Garmmon managed to get up. "How about you and Shutumon just fly up there?"  
  
"... Good idea! I'm glad I thought of it!"  
  
The others fell over.  
  
"Uh, anyway... Come on, Shutumon!"  
  
"Sure thing, Vritra-kun!" she said.  
  
They both were airbourne heading for the top of the tower. That is, until a big boomish voice, um... boomed.  
  
"STOP RIGHT THERE, HOODLUMS!!"  
  
"AHHH!"  
  
Yes,the tower could talk... o_o Don't blame me, blame me getting drunk and high off my allergy medications!  
  
"THE TOWER CAN TALK!!" exclaimed Bolgmon from below.  
  
"No shit, Sherlock," responded the tower.  
  
"D00D!!" shouted Blizzarmon.  
  
"What are you, a Digimon or something?" asked Vritramon.  
  
"As a matter of fact... I am!" responded the tower. "I am... BIGTOWERMON!"  
  
"Seriously?" asked Shutumon.  
  
"No, well actually it's BTmon. Standing for the other."  
  
"Oh, good. 'Cause that other name would've been unoriginal," said Vritramon.  
  
The others on the ground fell over.  
  
"Sigh!"... sighed Shutumon.  
  
"Anyway," began BTmon, "you're probably wondering what my purpose is."  
  
"To be a big tower?" asked Garmmon.  
  
"No! I am... the keeper of... THE MAGICAL, AMAZING, AND KICK-ASS PLOT DEVICE!!"  
  
"SERIOUSLY?!" exclaimed the others.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"D00000000D!!!"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"OMG. LOL. WTF!!!1111!!"  
  
"Uhh..."  
  
"THIS IS LIKE SO F*CKIN' GREAT!!!111! OMG. OMG. OMG!!11oneone!!!"  
  
"...."  
  
"Well?"  
  
"Well what?"  
  
"... Well... HAND OVER THE PLOT DEVICE, BITCH."  
  
"... No."  
  
"... YOU SUCK!!"  
  
"You'll have to battle me for it!!" boomed BTmon.  
  
"Alright! We shall!" said Vritramon as he and the others got into battle position... things.  
  
"Say," began Bolgmon, "you know, BT could stand for Big Ti-"  
  
- MEANWHILE!  
  
~*~  
  
"And *that* is why the chicken came before the egg," finished Kouji.  
  
The others stared.  
  
"I never knew you had such an apprehensive theory, Kouji," commented Kouichi.  
  
Kouji shrugged.  
  
...  
  
Hey,waitjustafreakin'minutehere. I thought you guys were just in your H-Hybrid forms!  
  
"Eh, we got bored with that," they all responded.  
  
*falls over*  
  
"Plus, it's getting a bit chilly around here...," said Izumi." And you know. I'm Fairymon. --;;"  
  
"Oh no, she's going to start up again," grumbled Takuya.  
  
"I am just a pawn for fanservice! This whole time! It's not like I want to get my ass kicked, - 'cause I don't - but why me?! Why?!Grah! Dammit all!"  
  
"Are you done?" asked Takuya.  
  
"Yes I am. ... NOW I WANT TO KILL SOMETHING!"  
  
They others backed away from her.  
  
"Sigh. Tis' the Oreos again."  
  
"... Blargh!"  
  
Jeez, the CC's sure are boring today... Go back to the Chibi Beast Senseis.  
  
~*~  
  
"Guys, we need a plan!" exclaimed Vritramon.  
  
"Noodle dance!" screamed everyone.  
  
I've been watching too many kids shows. Curse that PB&J Otter.  
  
"Do do do od dododdododoooodo! Noodle! Use your noodle! Noodle! Do the noodle dance!"  
  
Noodle. *snickers with her dirty mind* XD  
  
"... N00dle!!"  
  
BTmon was very freaked-out by now. "o_o The hell...?"  
  
"Boom shakalacka!"  
  
"Did this chapter have any point?"  
  
"NO! IT DOESN'T! ISN'T THAT FOONY?!"  
  
... Yes, quite funny, I'm sure.  
  
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!*  
  
Lots of things exploded! And this chapter sucked! =D  
  
Myself in Chibi-version suddenly appears from out of nowhere holding up a sign.  
  
Chibi Karoru: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I will update soon! Forgive me! *waves around the sign reading the same thing, then runs out and another explosion is heard*  
  
... Yeah. Why don't you go have some sugar until the next update?  
  
But then... suddenly BTmon started glowing and stuff! Gasp!  
  
Dun, dunn -! Eh, screw it.  
  
~3/\c| 0f [h4pt3r 22!~  
  
A/n: I ish not feeling well.I ish gots a headache and mah allergys and mah meds for mah allergys ish makin' me feel bad. And this damn-ded writer's block ishn't too good neither. I don't like tis' fic here. It should burn. I ish want to burn it. And I ish not makin' any sense, ish I? Anyway, I ish started on Chapter 23. I ish just want to finish tis' fic so I may not have to look at ish horrors eva again. Yayzers and stoof. So please review mah pathetic-as-hell chapta so I know you're actually still readin' mah fic. And if you're not...T hen ya wouldn't ish be readin' this right now, would ya? Meh. I ish promise... not, wait *hope* to update mah fic soon. ;P [Edit - What the hell am I talking about? o_O]  
[An important note thingy: I ish plannin' to add Lucemon-sama and dem Royal Knights next chapta. May ya rejoice.]  
  
~Karoru   
  
[Chapter Edited: May 4, 2003]  
[Comment: POINTLESS! YAY!!!111] 


	23. And so the Plot Thickens

A Funny Frontier Tale - OMG. UPDATING SCANDAL.  
  
- Disclaimer: I own nothing. If I did, then you wouldn't want to know the consequences.  
  
A Funny Frontier Tale  
By: Cluehunter Karoru  
Chapter 23: And So The "Plot" Thickens  
  
Now onward to our tale!  
  
~*~  
  
We open to where we last left off a long time ago, and oddly we find an odd sight. Everything and everyone are grey-colored and lying around on the ground like half-dead zombies. ... If there's such a thing as half-dead zombies... since zombies are dead already... Oh the hell with it, someone talked!  
  
"Ugh," said Vritramon, "... hey, are we still alive?" He got up while rubbing his head and looked around. And his color was seeping back into him. "... Strange."  
  
"Well, old chap," KaiserLeomon said as he rose up from the ground. "It's not *that* strange since we have been dead for over practically two months."  
  
"Ack," he commented. "Come to think of it, we've always been dead like this..."  
  
"Hmmmmmmmmm!" everyone else exclaimed in 'Hmmm' tones. And that certainly surprised Vritramon, who fell over. KaiserLeomon just sat there sipping his tea. Don't ask how he could sip, since he has no lips and all, but just use your imagination.  
  
"Vritra-kun~!" cheered Shutumon as she flew over and glomped him while he was "vulnerable".  
  
"Gak!"  
  
"I've missed you, Vritra! But well, I really couldn't "miss you miss you" since we were all here the whole time, but I haven't been able to glomp you!" She squeezed him tighter and he had more and more trouble breathing.  
  
"Uh, maybe you should stop that... He's turning blue," said Garmmon.  
  
"Nonsense!" she responded.  
  
Bolgmon thought to himself, 'Hmph. Why doesn't she glomp *me* like that? So what if I'm a big metal tank beetle! I'm lovable!'  
  
Blizzarmon snuck up behind Bolgmon and said, "I know what you're thinking. You're mad at the ShutuxVritra shipping, aren't cha? Aren't cha? I CAN READ YOUR MIND."  
  
Bolgmon turned around and looked at the white yeti with wide eyes. He held his 'hands' up where his ears would be if he had any. "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!" he shouted and zoomed off somewhere. Blizzarmon followed while laughing very strangely.  
  
Garmmon sweatdropped and KaiserLeomon continued sipping his endless cup of tea.  
  
"Shutu... mon... stop... ack... can't... breathe..."  
  
Wait, what about BTmon?  
  
"WHAT *ABOUT* ME?" boomed the tower. Everyone looked up at him. "WHAT ARE *YOU* LOOKING AT?"  
  
Garmmon took this opportunity to be quite witty. "I don't know? What *are* we looking at? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."  
  
"......"  
  
"Garmmon, you are an idiot." said Vritramon who managed to escape Shutumon's grip a bit.  
  
"Sank yuu. Sank yuu very much!" Garmmon struck a pose. Then he unposed himself and sat like a little puppy and wagged his tail. "... So what do we do now?" He grinned.  
  
Everyone fell over. ... Even BTmon.  
  
"HOLY SHIT!!" all the Chibi Beast Senseis exclaimed and jumped out of the way. BTmon fell over with a giant crash that shook all of Happyville. I guess Garmmon's little comment was *that* bad after all.  
  
"... Oww." said BTmon. "I wonder if there are any hospitals around that submit giant talking towers."  
  
Bolgmon looked to the scene and thought. "Ack! Guys, guys, guys!" He waved his arms around, trying to gain their attention. They all looked over to him. "If BTmon fell *over* and the magical, amazing, and kick-ass Plot Device was on *top*of him, wouldn't the Plot Device now be somewhere on the ground?!"  
  
"..." They all looked around at each other.  
  
"By jove, you're right!" said Vritramon as he raised a claw in the air defiantly. "And I'm glad that I was the one to come to this conclusion!" Everyone else slapped their foreheads.  
  
"Shouldn't we start, uh, getting the Plot Device now?" asked Blizzarmon who felt quite ignored for some reason even I don't know and I'm the one writing this so if I don't know then no one knows unless we make an assumption. It just was.  
  
"Why, yes, we should." commented Vritramon, acting all superior even though he really wasn't. "And being the super-special leader I am, I shall lead the way!" Of course, Shutumon had no complaints and just followed behind him innocently while the guys grumbled.  
  
BTmon became quite annoyed and got one of those vein thingys on his head - if he has a head, which he must since he can talk and all. "Um, you do know I *am* still alive?"  
  
"Yeah, we know," said Vritramon marching around like he was on parade.  
  
BTmon sweatdropped. "And do you also know - whether I have crashed to the ground or not - that as long as I am alive... NO SOUL SHALL GET THE PLOT DEVICE!!"  
  
"You mean that thing over there?" pointed Shutumon. All of a sudden, it was like every thing in the universe directed their attention on the Plot Device. "... It doesn't look that magical and amazing, though. And not that kick-ass." she commented. Everyone gasped. ... But alas, she was right. Everyone gasped again. It didn't really look anything like any Holy Grail. It actually looked more like a vaccumm cleaner with one too many screws loose. It was a nice blue color, though.  
  
"But I don't like blue!" some random Happymon exclaimed.  
  
"NO ONE INSULTS THE PLOT DEVICE!!" boomed BTmon. "Even though it may not look all that great, it has a legacy, dammit! Long ago, the magical whozits who hadn't thought of a better name for themselves were bored. So they thought 'What the hell?' and made something to give them something to do. Now, they weren't the most ingeneous little buggers so their first attempt failed and they were still bored because the thing didn't work. Actually it was a piece of crap. Now, the second time, they had gotten magical magic from who knows where, so they actually got the thing to work. But they were too lazy to change the crappy design. And when they thought of the name... well, who knows. NO SOUL KNOWS. THEY CAN ONLY ASSUME. ... But I guess they got the magical part from the fact that it *is* magical. AND THAT IS THE TALE OF THE MAGICAL, AMAZING, AND KICK-ASS PLOT DEVICE." BTmon ended his long and odd tale and thereby having the longest speaking part ever in AFFT history.   
  
He expected roaring applause, but alas, only a few Happymon clapped. Then when they realized they were the only ones clapping, they stopped. Crickets started chirping.  
  
"... Oooooooooooooooohhh!!" chanted the Chibi Beast Senseis like they had just solved the mystery of life.  
  
"THAT IS AN INSULT TO MY HONOR FOOLS!!" shouted BTmon.  
  
"Oh well," said Vritramon as he started walking over to the Plot Device. "As long as we can get a plot to be important to, I don't care what the thing looks like."  
  
BTmon twitched as Vritramon stepped closer and closer to the object the practically swore his life to. "NEVER!!" he screeched as a huge-ass cannon came out of no where aiming in the general direction of the Plot Device. This certainly caught Vritramon's attention.  
  
"HOLY CRAP!!"  
  
"FIRRRRRE!!"  
  
Then the cannon burst forth a huge blast of blastiness, catupulting the Plot Device - which I forgot to mention was indestrucable - to who knows where. But it most likely landed on the way, way other side of Happyville. Vritramon looked up and onward into the sky watching their main goal zoom off over the horizon. His head followed it up and up - and down again where it crashed. And of course, it would be quite a hassle to recover it. But Vritramon already knew this as *his* eye began to twitch. He turned around to glare at BTmon. But he calmly collected himself somewhat, took a deep breath, and strolled over towards him. He stood there swaying forwards and backwards for a bit. Then he slowly raised his hand/claw up in the air and proceded to shout. "WHY YOU BASTARD! YOU - YOU DAMN MOTHER FU-"  
  
~*~  
  
"Ahh, isn't it a lovely day?" Takuya asked the group. They all looked at him like he was crazy. "... What?"  
  
"Err, weren't we going somewhere?" asked Kouji.  
  
"Perhaps..." said Kouichi.  
  
They all suddenly got into thinking poses. "Hmmmmmm."  
  
"... Well, I'm stumped," said Takuya.  
  
"And so are we for some reason," said everyone else at the exact same time for some reason.  
  
"Oh well, I'm sure it's not important anyways." responded Takuya.  
  
And they all oddly laughed amongst themselves.  
  
But Neemon was about to comment - "Well, actually we were questing for the mag -"  
  
"Oh, not with your stupid comments again!" said Bokomon, as he grabbed Neemon's waistband and snapped his pants yet again.  
  
"Owwie!!" Neemon fell over.  
  
~*~  
  
~ Commercial time! ~  
  
~ Commercial #1:  
[A/n: Poke-bashing ahead. But remember, I am also a fan and it's all in good fun. XD]  
  
We open to a random forest in the middle of nowhere. Well, actually not the middle of nowhere. It was between two cities that had taken at least 30 Episodes to go in between. Then all of a sudden, a figure emerges from the brush. Why, it's...! ... Izumi. Wearing an Ash outfit.  
Izumi: Ah hee hee! I'm gonna catch me a Pokeyman today-e!  
She starts to walk around, completely obvious to everything. But then as if on cue, a very pathetic "Pokeyman" comes out of nowhere.  
Izumi: Oh my garsh! It's - it's - ! ... I have no idea. Maybe Dexter will know! Hur hur!  
Dexter: Bally. This is the most worthless Pokemon ever. In fact, it's not even real. It's just made up. It would be a waste of your time to capture it.  
Izumi: MUST - CATCH.  
And if you *must* know what "Bally" looks like, it's just a red ball with Ditto-like eyes. Wow.  
Izumi: I'm gonna use my best Pokeyman EVAR!  
Suddenly, someone wearing a Pikachu costume jumps out of the nearby bushes.  
Takuya: Taku-chuuuu! Chu! Takuuu! ... Kill me now.  
Izumi: Takuchuuuuu!!  
Takuya: ... Yeah?  
Izumi: Thundershock that Bally!!  
Takuya: Uh, okay.  
Takuya then walks over to the Bally, takes off the feet to his Pikachu costume, puts on some extra thick socks, grabs a piece of carpet from out of nowhere, and half-walks half-scoots around on it. Then he touches the Bally with his index finger, and gives it a static shock.  
Bally: ... AHHH. *faints* x_x  
Takuya: Woah, that was easy. o_o  
Izumi: POKEY-BALL GOOOOOOOOOOOO!! *throws the Pokeball*  
The Pokey-Ball lands on Bally, sucks it in, and... it's captured.  
Izumi: Oh my garsh! I caught a Bally!  
Takuya: Who gives a damn?! Uh, I mean - Chuuuuu!  
Izumi: *strikes a pose* AND IT ONLY TOOK ONE EPISODE! GO ME!  
Takuya: ¬¬ Chuuuu.  
Izumi: *smiles* But I couldn't have done it without you, Takuchu.  
Takuya: Hehe. ^^  
Izumi: So how about some Pokey-Chow?  
Takuya: ... How about not? -.-"  
-  
Random Singers: GOTTA CATCH DEM ALL! GOTTA CATCH DEM ALL! POKEYMAN!*  
* Note: And by "Gotta Catch Dem All" we mean - BUY OUR MERCHANDIZE. ALL OF IT. MWA HA HA.  
  
~ Commercial #2:  
We open to nothing. Just multi-colored stripes.  
*BEEEEEEEEEEEEP*  
...  
*BEEEEEEEEEEEEP*  
...  
*BEEEEEEEEEEEEP*  
Narrator: Thank you for watching the Swearing Channel! *Beep!*  
[A/n: ... Bu-bum-ching! Hachachachachacha!]  
  
~ Commercial #3:  
We open to a random sunny beach.  
Narrator: Headin' out to the beach this summer? But don't want to get your arse fried by those harmful UV Ray thingers? Well, have we got a product for y00!  
Kouji walks up wearing blue swim trunks and walks right up to the camera.  
Kouji: Hello, everyone! I'm here endorsing a new product since my "Bishounen Flakes" didn't exactly win over the FDA. Anyways! I'm here with the Super-Duper Sunblock 3003! Guaranteed to not get you burned this summer!  
He walks over to some conviently placed beach chairs and the others are lying there soakin' up some rays. But they don't have the sunscreen that Kouji's endorsing.  
Kouji: Now even though this sunscreen wasn't exactly made by professionals and by some weird guy who lives in his mother's basement... That still doesn't mean it won't work!  
He starts to apply the sunblock.  
Kouji: And thus, I will be the poor sap - err, model to prove everyone wrong!  
Takuya: *looks up from under his sunglasses* But you *do* know that stuff isn't going to work, Kouji?  
Kouji: Shut up! I'm endorsing here!  
We zoom in on a random clock.  
6 HOURS LATER.  
Kouji: *his whole body - except for the stuff under his suit - is as red as a lobster* I hate you all.   
The others point and laugh.  
Narrator: SUPER-DUPER SUNBLOCK 3003! BUY IT TODAY!  
Kouji: Nooooooo~  
  
~ And now back to the fic! ~  
  
~*~  
  
Vritramon was curled up in a ball sobbing where the Plot Device had been before it had been blasted to the other side of Happyville. And Shutumon was looming over him trying to make him feel better. It wasn't really working. And Blizzarmon and Bolgmon were just standing around with sweatdrops.  
  
"I do hate to see a grown dragon-thing cry." said KaiserLeomon looking onward at the scene.  
  
"Me too. It's just pathetic." commented Garmmon. "... So what do we do now?"  
  
"I'LL TELL YOU WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO!!" shouted Vritramon who had amazingly gotten up and zoomed over towards the two, shaking his fist. "We're gonna... we're gonna..."  
  
"You have no idea, do you?" asked Garmmon.  
  
"OF COURSE I DO! I'm the super-special leader guy, so of course I know what we're gonna do! We are going to -"  
  
"Shouldn't we go try and find the Plot Device now?" asked Shutumon, flying over to the three of them.  
  
"Took the words right out of my mouth, Shutumon! ... Or the thoughts out of my brain. And if you did take thoughts from my brain... GET OUT OF MY HEAD, WOMAN!" he screamed, flailing his arms about.  
  
"I think he's finally lost it." Bolgmon said to Blizzarmon. The yeti nodded in agreement.  
  
"I HEARD THAT!!" said Vritramon. "Now! We must depart! For the Plot Device! ... And stuff!"  
  
He waited for the calls of excitement and agreement.  
  
"... You're supposed to go "Yay!" or something to that extent."  
  
"Ooooh!!" said the others. "..."  
  
... ... ...  
  
"... NOW."  
  
"YAY!"  
  
"W00T!"  
  
"Yeah! Let's get that Plot Device!"  
  
"Go, Vritra! Yay! YOU GOT A SEXY ARSE!"  
  
Vritramon's eyes widened. "... I sincerely hope *you* were the one that said that, Shutumon."  
  
Shutumon shook her head. "No, I didn't say anything, Vritra-kun. Although, that is a good one! I better write that down!" She took out a little notebook and started scribbling stuff down.  
  
Vritramon's eyes got even wider. "AHHHHHHHH!" He started running off crazilly in the direction they were "supposed" to go waving his arms about like a loon.  
  
"... Should we follow him?" asked Bolgmon. The others shrugged and just walked off behind him.  
  
"Ack, wait for me, Vritra-kun!" said Shutumon, putting away her notebook, and flying after them at top speed.  
  
"Phew. And I'd thought they'd never leave. But thank goodness that little comment sent them off or *that* ordeal would've been a bit awkward." BTmon mused to himself. Then he realized that he was still lying on the ground... and no one was around. "Um... help?"  
  
~*~  
  
A little later - and by a "little later" I mean five minutes - the Chosen Children somehow made their way to where BTmon was.  
  
"Woah, it's a big tower... thing!" said Neemon.  
  
"Thank you, Captain Obvious!" retorted Bokomon.  
  
"... FINALLY. SOMEONE ELSE. HELP ME UP FOR THE LOVE OF PETE." BTmon boomed.  
  
"HOLY CRAP! THE THING TALKS!" The CC's exclaimed out of pure fright.  
  
"Yes, I do. Quite ingeneous, isn't it? Now could you puuuuuhleeeaze help me up? Pweez? Pweety pweez?"  
  
The CC's looked around at each other. "Uh, okay." said Takuya. "We'll just Spirt Evolve to our cool Beast Form thingers!" The others slapped their foreheads.  
  
"Wait, Beast Forms... You. Goggle head. Your Beast Spirt wouldn't be Vritramon, would it?" asked BTmon.  
  
Takuya was taken a bit by surprise. "Uh, yeah."  
  
"Oh. Because yourself in that form in Chibi Form just ran off a little while ago."  
  
"WHAT?" exclaimed Takuya and Izumi, remembering something similar from a good many Chapters ago.  
  
The others cracked up.  
  
"Chibi Beast Forms?" asked Junpei. "That's just... stupid."  
  
"Not to mention impossible," said Kouji.  
  
"Yes, and if they're were Chibi Versions of our Spirts running around, we would've known about it." commented Kouichi.  
  
"What you guys said." said Tomoki.  
  
"Hmm. An odd theory." pondered Bokomon.  
  
"Oooh. Neat-o!" said Neemon.  
  
Takuya and Izumi looked at each other nervously. "But um, where we they headed?" Izumi asked BTmon.  
  
"They were headed for the Plot Device. That way." answered BTmon, and somehow motioning towards the direction the Chibi Beast Senseis had supposedly went.  
  
"Then that's where we're headed too!" said Takuya as he dragged the others along and they all trotted off.  
  
"... HEY, WHAT ABOUT ME?" exclaimed the still tilted-over tower.  
  
And now the CC's are headed in the same direction. Hmm. But why do I get the feeling I'm forgetting another important plot element...?  
  
~*~  
  
A little ways down somewhere near the Happyville shore, we see three figures walking along the beach. And one has spotted an object carelessly lying in the sand. We can't see the first figure - having been conviently shaded dark for that dramatic effect - but they have leaned down to pick up the object. And it's a camera... that looks oddly familiar...  
  
"Hmm. Something tells me that - even though it's not data - it'll be important to our mission! Hahahahahaha HA HA! ... Hehe. ... RhodoKnightmon, would you stop looking at every thing in every store you see? ¬¬"  
  
"Oooh! But in that store they have a sale on tunics! Ooooh! A pink one! I must have!"  
  
Dynasmon groaned as Lucemon slapped his forehead.  
  
Dum dee dum dum dooo! And so, the "plot" thickens...  
  
~End of Chapter 23! Yesh!~  
A/n: Phew. Well, after months of not updating, I finally wrote something! =D Anyways, I went through a lot of drafts for this Chapter, but when I got to this one, it finally flowed, so I actually got something done! I just feel so accomplished. XD  
  
Anyhoo, I'm pleased with this Ch and I hope you guys were too. But I'm not sure when I'll update again... Oh, but if anyone cares, after this update I'll be at the beach vacationing Saturday through Thursday, so when I get back I hope to have passed the 400th review mark. So help an author out. Pweez? =D  
  
So ciao for now! I'm off to da beach, bay~bah!  
  
- Karoru 


	24. The League of Extraordinary Insanity

A Funny Frontier Tale - Fwee~!  
  
---  
I'm not responding to anymore reviews, but I have to respond to this one.  
  
AhiFlame - I have changed my views on Micheal Reisz. Remember, that chapter was written a good while ago. I don't hate the dub THAT much anymore. Oh, and Takuya might sound like a girl because his Japanese VA is Takeuchi Junko, who is a woman. Oh, and my humor is exotic? ... Spiffy! *shakes maracas* Being mad's so much fun~  
---  
  
- Disclaimer: Do you think I own Frontier? No? WELL, YOU'RE WRONG!! MWAHAHA!! ... ... *runs*  
  
---  
  
A Funny Frontier Tale  
By: Cluehunter Karoru [Who you all owe a lot of money to now. Who says fanfic writers don't get paid?]  
Chapter 24: The League Of Extrordinary Insanity  
  
Now onward to our tale!  
  
~*~  
  
We open to the random place we open to where the recaps are!   
  
The Ghost of the Narrator [GN]: ... Fitting Chapter title, Karoru.  
  
Karoru: I know. Isn't it just so spiffy?  
  
GN: ... Oh, and also mind explaining as to why we weren't in the last Chapter AT ALL?!  
  
Karoru: I'm sure the readers - if we still have any after this eternity - needed a break from our recaping antics. Plus, who really wants to hear a self-inserting author talking to her imagnary muse?  
  
GN: ... I AM NOT IMAGINARY!! *runs off sobbing*  
  
Karoru: ... ... Err. *faces the readers*Well, you should figure out what happened last time on your own! Because... I forgot. So I'm not going to bother. *eats preztels, and continues listening to Ride on shooting star by the pillows* I LOVE THIS SONG!! *sob*  
  
Whoosh!  
  
~*~  
  
"Doo doo doo... DOOM DOOM! I am... the great... VRITRA!!"   
  
The Chibi Beast Sensei's marched along through Happyville searching for the ever-famous Plot Device. And Vritramon was singing his lovely song which he wrote himself while marching along. But the only other person who thought it was lovely was Shutumon. The others just groaned as the Vritra-egomaniac continued singing.  
  
"I am Vritra! Yes I am! Doo doo doo... AND YOU'RE NOT! SHUT UP! Oh, I'm so great, I'm so cool~ I'M MEEEEEEEE! ... On second thought..."  
  
"YES? YES?" asked the others that were eagerly awaiting silence.  
  
"... Hm. Should I sing as an alto like I am now, or maybe a soprano! Yeah!"  
  
"... Oh no..."  
  
"LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~!!" sang Vritramon in the soprano-est sporano voice ever. Several windows broke in the surrounding area, while numerous Happymon leaned out of their now-broken windows (careful to avoid broken glass shards) to throw tomoatoes and assorted shoes. The other Chibi Beast Senseis covered their ears, screamed in horror, and convulsed on the ground. ... Well, except for Shutumon, of course.   
  
"Oh, come on!" said Vritramon, looking annoyed. "It wasn't THAT bad!"  
  
Yes, it was.  
  
"... Fine. I'll just go back to alto you party poopers."  
  
"Please do." groaned the others.  
  
Whoosh!  
  
~*~  
  
"Hey guys?" asked Neemon to the others as they walked along.  
  
"What?" retorted the others all at the exact same time - but with that tone in their voices so to that they KNEW Neemon was going to say something stupid and random... which he probably is... but I'm not saying 'cause you have to read to find out! [A/n: I AM THE MASTAH OF RUN-ON SENTENCES!!1]  
  
"... Did you hear something?" he responded. "Like... really bad singing."  
  
"Hmmmmmm." thought the others.  
  
"You know," said Takuya, "I could've sworn I just heard something like that. But it sounded familiar... like... my voice... only DEEPER AND ROUGHER!"  
  
"Gasp!" gasped Izumi.  
  
"AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!" Takuya and Izumi both exclaimed at the same time.  
  
"..."  
  
"... What?" asked Tomoki.  
  
"Oh! Is it Yatta Time?!" asked Kouichi, bouncing around. "I love Yatta Time!"  
  
"NO, NOT YATTA TIME!!" screamed Kouji. "I UTTERLY DESPISE YATTA TIME!!" He then began sobbing.  
  
"..."  
  
"... ... No, not Yatta Time." said Takuya. "It means... Um... What does it mean?"  
  
"HAWHAWHAW." randomly guffawed Bokomon. "Well... this is quite pointless then."  
  
"SANK YUU, CAPTIAN OBVIOUS!!" screamed everyone in the universe.  
  
Whoosh! (This is fun!)  
  
~*~  
  
"WOULD WOULD STOP WITH THE WINDOW SHOPPING, RHODOKNIGHTMON?!" screamed Lucemon.  
  
"But... but... The pink... so pretty... ... Oh, look at that! Ensemble! Yes!"  
  
Dynasmon groaned once again. But not knowing that with him as the guy, and RhodoKnightmon like he is, that they'd be perfect for... ya- OH, BUT I'M GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF!  
  
~*~  
  
"You know... I've been thinking." said... Neemon!  
  
Everyone in the universe gasped.  
  
Haha, no it wasn't Neemon. If he DID say that, it would just be freakishly out-of-character. ... The REAL person who said it was... *randomly picks* Junpei!  
  
"Yes, Junepi?" asked Bokomon.  
  
"You know..." he began. "Don't you think it's a bit stale that we're STILL Spirit Evolving to kick bad guy ass?"  
  
The others looked around at each other.  
  
"I mean, you'd think by now we'd get a new act! Like... like..."  
  
"SUPERHEROES!" shouted Neemon.  
  
"... ..." Everyone blinked. "THAT'S A GREAT IDEA!" they all exclaimed.  
  
~*~  
  
In Cherubimon's base thingy.  
  
"Sigh... I haven't made an appearance in this fic yet. I'm so neglected." sighed Cherubimon while sitting atop his own little throne. He looked over to the Evil Hybrids. "And THEY of all Digimon get more spotlight than I! I'm Cherubimon! I should have more recognition than this! ... But... there's only one way to achieve that. ... Do what I didn't do in the anime! ... DEFEAT THE CHOSEN CHILDREN! MWAHAHAHAHA HA HA HA... *cough cough* I even need to work on my evil laugh. *hack*" He drank some water that was in his special mug on the coaster on the nearby table. He then cleared his throat. "SERVANTS!!" he boomed. "We've got other plans! We're going... to Happyville! MWAH HA HAH!"  
  
"Aww, but our favorite show's coming on!" they reponsed. "... HAMTARO!"  
  
Cherubimon twitched. "JUST SET THE VCR RECORDER AND COME ON!"  
  
"But - !"  
  
"DO IT!!" he sighed to himself. "What I have to go through..."  
  
"Can we say the motto again?" they all eagerly asked.  
  
Cherubimon fell over.  
  
~*~  
  
Dun dun dun!  
  
And so - right out in the middle of Happyville, no less - the Chosen Children prepared their new superhero costumes and alter egos! But it was pointless to cover up their "secret identities" since we all know who they are, but oh well! Dramatic hero-ish music started playing in the background. Then cheap-looking multi-colored backdrops appeared for them to jump in front of. And being the leader and all, Takuya jumped out first.  
  
"Dun dun dun! I'm Pervert Man!" he annouced. And now wearing a mask, a spiffy cape, and... red spandex! We all certainly know where Izumi will be looking, ne? ;D  
  
Izumi then jumped out. "And I'm PMS Girl! - SHUT THE HELL UP! - I love you all~... - I SAID SHUT UP!"  
  
Junpei made his debut. "I'm the Phantom Nudist!"  
  
Tomoki's cue. "I'm Big Hat Boy! PH34R!"  
  
"And we're... THE YAOI TWINS!" screamed Kouji and Kouichi. Who were wearing quite fashionable matching blue spandex uniforms. The others stared in disbelief. Well, except Tomoki because he's too young to be thinking of such things.   
  
"What?" asked the two, noticing the stares.  
  
"Oh, nothing," responded the others.  
  
'Yay! Yaoi!' Izumi thought to herself, being a yaoi fangirl. MWAHAH.  
  
'... I don't get it!' thought Tomoki.  
  
The music started up again as Neemon and Bokomon were about to jump out.  
  
"I'm The Red Pants Wonder!"  
  
"And I am Bookish Boy!"  
  
"YAY!!" yelled everyone.  
  
ACTION POSE! DAH DAH!  
  
~*~  
  
"So... which way are we supposed to be going?" asked Garmmon.  
  
Vritramon looked around. "To the Plot Deivce, of course! Silly goose!"  
  
Garmmon blinked, then sighed. "But where is the Plot Device? ... Do you even know where it is, Vritramon?"  
  
"Bah! Don't be ridiculous!" he retorted. "Of course I do!" He surveyed the area again. "It's... somewhere."  
  
"NOW WE'LL NEVER GET A PLOT NOW! WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" cried Blizzarmon.  
  
"Oh, pull yourself together, man!" said Bolgmon. "You're just as bad as your human counterpart!"  
  
"Shut your mouth!"  
  
"BUT I SPEAKTEH THE TRUTH!"  
  
"PEOPLE, PEOPLE!" Vritramon shouted. "We're getting off the subject... again. Sigh." He turned to Shutumon. "You got any ideas?"  
  
"Well... I forgot to mention that I was born with the gift to detect Plot Devices. Teehee, isn't that funny?" Shutumon giggled.  
  
Everyone stopped. "... ... ..."  
  
"WHY DIDN'T YOU MENTION THAT BEFORE?!" Vritramon screamed.  
  
"By jove!" exclaimed KaiserLeomon. He sipped some more of his tea. "Hehe, that's fun to say, chaps."  
  
Okay, this is just turning into all dialouge so I'll just take it from here! Description-wise, that is.  
  
"Bah! Let it be dialouge!" Vritramon annouced. "That way, more people will get to hear my lovely voice!" He flashed a lovely grin into a nearby camera, and posed.  
  
"I AGREE WITH THAT!" said Shutumon, the poor obsessed fangirl. Little cartoon hearts popped up around her as she admired Vritramon some more.  
  
The others sighed and sweatdropped.  
  
Okay, so, anyway, Shutumon began to led them (if leading is what you could call her actions) to the Plot Device after a good while of Vritramon's posing. And the others (especially Bolgmon) felt he was about to lose his mind at any second.   
  
~*~  
  
Hey, have you noticed, that I switch scenes too much? ... ... Well, too bad! HARHARHAR! ... *runs away from angry readers*  
  
~*~  
  
DAH DAH DAH! We return to the Chosen Children.  
  
"We are not the Chosen Children! We are the Non-Justised League!"  
  
... Right.  
  
"So what do we do now?" asked Kouji. "Can we go kick some bad-guy ass?"  
  
"Of course not!" responded Takuya. "We may have our spiffy names and costumes, but we're still not done! We need spiffy gadgets, names for our spiffy gadgets, and not to mention - The Theme Song!"  
  
"Gasp! You're right!" exclaimed the others.  
  
...  
  
....  
  
.....  
  
"Uh, now," said Takuya.  
  
"Oh, right!"  
  
~*~  
  
The villians were making their way towards Happyville to the Chosen Children. Or should I say, the "Non-Justised League". Of course, they have no idea about *that* part. And the Evil Hybrids were discussing how they would dazzle everyone with their new dazzling entrance!  
  
"I still vote for my Sailor Scout idea!" said Mercuremon.  
  
"Hey, it's Sailor SENSHI! Not SCOUT! ARGH!" shouted Arbormon.  
  
"But Scout is better!"  
  
"Hey, didn't you hear?!" said Ranamon. "We need NEW ideas! And the Sailor Senshi idea is definately not new. That's EXACTLY what those blasted kids are expecting of us!"  
  
"They are?" questioned Grottomon.  
  
"B-bu-but, the Sailor Scouts is a classic!" argued Mercuremon. "AND YOU CANNOT DISS A CLASSIC!"  
  
The others continued arguing, and Cherubumon was overhearing it all, and just twitching away.  
  
"But, Grottomon, did you remember my special skirt?" asked Mercuremon.  
  
"Eh, I just stuck it in the washing machine back at the base. It was flithy."  
  
Mercuremon twitched. "YOU FOOOOOOOOOOOL! IT WAS DRY-CLEAN ONLY!!" He then began to sob.  
  
"Oh dear sweet pieces of cherry pie..." Cherubimon cursed to himself, then threw his arms up at the sky. "SOMEONE SAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!"   
  
~*~  
  
"Should we make it a lymeric, or a sonet?" asked Kouichi, holding a notepad. The new superhero league was discussing what should be their theme song. Since that was apparently the top priority at the moment. And oddly, no one seemed to argue on the matter. Except on the people who ARE QUESTIONING MY SENSE ON THE SUBJECT, BUT THEY'RE AREN'T ANY SINCE I BLEW THEM ALL UP, THOSE LITTLE BITCHES! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
The Chosen Children all looked towards me. "... ... ..."  
  
Um, you can ignore that.  
  
"Okay then."  
  
~*~  
  
"I WANT MORE SCREENTIME!!" screamed Lucemon.  
  
"I want this vest!" screamed RhodoKnightmon.  
  
"I want some lovin'!" screamed Dynasmon, as he raised his eyebrows up and down.  
  
"... ..."  
  
"I'll just be quiet now."  
  
---  
  
Oh, and no, I have NOT been always wanting to type that. Shush!  
  
~*~  
  
ZOOBA DOOBA!!  
  
~*~  
  
...   
  
Okay, I'm just going to pause everything. *picks up a nearby remote, and presses the pause button on her fic* Now, let's look at the current fic situation, shall we?  
  
- The Chibi Beast Senseis going to the Plot Device.  
- The Chosen Children also going to the Plot Device, but now taking the time to become superheroes.  
- Lucemon and the Royal Knights looking for the latest bargains in retail stores. [Lucemon: NO WE'RE NOT!!]  
- Cherubimon losing his mind while leading the Evil Hybrids (who have already lost THEIR minds) towards Happyville to make the Chosen Children go boom.  
- Me interrupting and being quite random.  
  
That should make it all clear to what this chapter's about. Especially to you people out there reading this and losing brain cells by the second. Alright then! Back to ze fic. *presses play on her remote*  
  
~*~  
  
The Chosen Children were sitting around in their new superhero garb, pondering about what to do next.  
  
"Well. ... I still say it's Yatta Time." said Kouichi.  
  
Kouji screamed.  
  
~*~  
  
Then, all of a sudden, the Evil Hybrids and such arrived at Happyville! But they were all still arguing about their entrance. Then... they all stopped. Cherubimon turned around and raised an eyebrow, wondering why there was sudden silence.  
  
"How'd we get here so fast?" asked Ranamon.  
  
"Why, my dear friends, I can answer that perfectly!" popped up a random Happymon, who was wearing a suit, tie, and a VERY gelled-up toupe. He flashed a grin, and looked like a car salesman.  
  
"It was another plot hole, wasn't it?" asked Cherubimon with a half-lidded stare.  
  
"Oh, no, no, no," the suited Happymon responded, shaking his head. "You see, this area of the Digital World - Happyville - has completely lost its stability. Nothing makes sense anymore! You could say, um, anything could happen! It's unpredictable!"  
  
"And where did you come up with THAT?" questioned Mercuremon.  
  
"My friend over there told me." he motioned towards a very low-browed Happymon, wearing a very dirty lab coat. He then began to drool.  
  
The others sweatdropped, and didn't believe this guy for a second. "So why are you telling us all this?" Cherubimon asked, growing impaitient.  
  
"Weeeelllll..." said the Happymon, straightening his tie. "I have a product so you won't have to worry about things going boom, stuff falling out of the sky, or unpredictable nonsense!"  
  
"WE'RE NOT INTERESTED!" boomed the dark bunny, now angered. He turned to his servants. "Come on! We've got work to do!" They all marched off, glaring at the Happymon very meanicingly.  
  
The business-man Happymon watched them pass, with one eyebrow raised, and a smirk on his face. He was approached by the other Happymon wearing the dirty lab coat.  
  
"Tsk, tsk. I feel sorry for the poor fools. No tellin' WHAT might happen to 'em in there without proper prepiration."  
  
"Dur..." said the lab-coat Happymon. He then cleared his throat, pulled out a pair of spectacles, and placed them on his nose. "That shall teach them to judge merely on appearance!" he spoke in a British accent. "Oh ho ho ho!"  
  
"Yeah, and plus, I wanted to sell 'em this magic vaccumm cleaner that just fell right-outta da sky near my house!" he motioned towards a blue-colored contraption that looked... very familiar.  
  
"Ah, quite. And the thing is, the machine actually does work! Ah ha ha, see for yourself!"  
  
They both turned towards another town oppsite of Happyville. The sign read: "Sadville. We may not have many people living here, but we sure do have a darn good plot!"  
  
DUMM DUMMM DUMMMMM. DRAMATIC REVEEEERBBBBBBBBBB!!  
  
- End of Chapter 24! Fwee! -  
  
---  
  
A/n: And so, Karoru finally updates this fic again. ... Yay? Oh, and not to worry, I'll attempt to update a whole lot faster than I have been. And also, I will say the chapters 25 and 26 will be a lot more... "interesting". (Especially Takumi-wise. ;D) So, please review and give me your feedback on this chapter! That is all. *poofs away*  
  
- Karoru 


	25. The AFFT Prefinale!

A Funny Frontier Tale - Updating Banzai!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Frontier. 'nuff said.  
  
- - -  
  
A Funny Frontier Tale  
By: Karoru Karukaro  
Chapter 25: The AFFT Pre-Finale!  
  
Now onward to our tale!  
  
- - -  
  
We open to the... eh, screw it.  
  
The citizens of Sadville were plotting something today. Oh, yes... plotting... in their evil sad-ness.  
  
"Those Happymon are gonna get what's comin' to 'em!" a random Sadmon exclaimed.  
  
Aaand... cue the spiffy analyzer screen!  
  
Ghost of the Narrator (v/o): Sadmon. These Digimon are the complete opposite of Happymon. That should be obvious by their names. Their appearance is the same, though; looking like deformed bunnies. Only their colors are more drab and less seizure-inducing.  
  
Many boxes of tissues surrounded the area where the Sadmon were working. If they're sad, they must cry a lot, don't you think? Well, you don't think this, now you KNOW! Anyway, their project was in the "huge cannon of doom" variety, very similar to BTmon's cannon, because I'm lacking ideas. Don't question my methods!  
  
The main Sadmon - wearing a lab coat - wiped away more tears. He sniffled, "Those Happymon think they're so damn great. Just 'cause THEY had the Magical, Amazing, and Kick-ass Plot Device all along! Well, now that WE have it - thanks to our superb bargaining skillz - WE WILL GET OUR REVENGE!" he blew his nose and continued his tirade. "Now that we have a plot thanks to this wonderful invention we may do something! And to prove it I even made the new sign in front of our little town. But now... I have bigger plans! THE CANNON OF DOOM!! BWAHAHAHAHA!! This Plot Device really is marvelous!" He turned to grin at the contraption now sitting beside him.  
  
An assistant walked up to him. "But, uh, sir, you DO know the Magical, Amazing, and Kick-ass Plot Device was made by a HAPPYMON, right?"  
  
"... You shall be smited!"  
  
BOOM!!  
  
The Sadmon was blasted back by the Sadmon-scientist's ray gun. "Good thing I always carry this thing around." He turned to the other assistants. "ANYONE ELSE HAVE ANY COMPLAINTS?!" The other Sadmon fell silent as horror-stricken looked appeared on their faces. "Good."  
  
- - -  
  
The Chibi Beast Senseis still continued onward, looking for the Plot Device. Shutumon, who was still leading the group, suddenly stopped, and got puzzled looks from the guys.  
  
"Why'd ya stop?" asked Garmmon.  
  
"... Huh... I don't sense the Plot Device anymore."  
  
"WHAT?! YOU DON'T SENSE IT?!" exclaimed Vritramon.   
  
She shook her head. "Sowwy, Vritra-kun."  
  
"Oh, peril of perils!! This is just not my day." The dragon-like creature sobbed once more.  
  
"My goodness Vritramon, rather moody, aren't we, ol' chap?" asked KaiserLeomon.  
  
"First of all: don't call me "ol' chap". Secondly... yes. I am moody. YA GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!"  
  
KaiserLeomon was taken aback, but Bolgmon stepped in between them. "C'mon, Vritra! Let's give peace a chance~" he sang.   
  
Vritramon twitched and proceded to bitchslap Bolgmon. Bolgmon retaliated by smacking Vritramon over the head with his left arm-cannon-thing. Then they basically got into one of those sissy slap fights. Shutumon didn't try to stop it, because it just looked too amusing. Garmmon sweatdropped, while Blizarrmon just stood there acting clueless.  
  
- - -  
  
DUH DA NANANANANANANANA DUH DA DA!!  
  
"We protect the Digital World from evil stuff with our superpowers of... MIGHT!! I am Pervert Man! Righting wrongs, and triumphing over evil!"  
  
"You're also ripping-off Sailor Moon." PMS Girl noted. "AND THAT IS BAD, YOU BASTARD!!"  
  
Pervert Man sweatdropped. "Well, ah heh, I'll get some better material. In the meantime! We must... er... DO SUPERHERO-ISH THINGS!!"  
  
And I'll just assume you remember who everyone is. But just in case, here is a handy-dandy chart for rememberance!  
  
Takuya - Pervert Man  
Izumi - PMS Girl  
Junpei - The Phantom Nudist   
Tomoki - Big Hat Boy   
Kouichi - Yaoi Twin #1   
Kouji - Yaoi Twin #2  
Neemon - The Red Pants Wonder  
Bokomon - Bookish Boy  
  
Everybody got that? I'm not repeating myself!  
  
"Do our superhero-ish things involve running naked through the streets of Paris covered in butter?" asked The Phantom Nudist.  
  
"..."  
  
"Oh, that sounds like fun!" Yaoi Twin #1 exclaimed. "But I would only enjoy it in the company of my dearest brother! Do you not agree, fellow Yaoi Twin?"  
  
"I wholeheartedly agree!"  
  
PMS Girl thought, 'Note to self: Remember to bring camera if we ever go to Paris. Mweeheehee! Oh, but what if something happens to the camera... WHAT IF IT BREAKS?! NOOOOOOO!!' She then fell over sobbing.  
  
"PMS Girl, are you alright?" asked Pervert Man.  
  
"Of course I'm alright, you... pervert!!" she angrily slapped him for no apparent reason.   
  
"Ow, ow!! Pervert Man does not like to be slapped!!"  
  
"And stop referring to yourself in third-person! That freaks me out!" PMS Girl began sobbing dramatically again. Pervert Man sighed.  
  
"So... shall we be off to do forfill our duties?" asked Bookish Boy.  
  
"But I thought we needed our spiffy gadgets and our theme song?" asked The Phantom Nudist. "We still have yet to do that!"  
  
"Holy Hamhocks, Pervert Man! He's right!" Big Hat Boy exclaimed.  
  
Pervert Man snickered at how "hamhocks" rhymed with another word he knew very well.  
  
"Pervert Man is perverted!" shouted The Red Pants Wonder.  
  
"No shit, Sherlock." said Yaoi Twin #2.  
  
Big Hat Boy's eyes widened. "Pervert Man! He said a bad word!"  
  
"That word's not as bad as some of the other stuff I've heard!" he responded. "Believe me, I'd know."  
  
Oh, Pervert Man, you silly person!  
  
- - -  
  
"HE'S GONE MAD WITH POWER!!" a Sadmon-assistant exclaimed. He was immediately shot by the Sadmon-scientist.  
  
- - -  
  
Bolgmon and Vritramon had ceased their battle, mostly because Vritramon got a really bad hangnail. Shutumon wanted to kiss it and make it feel better, but Vritramon insisted that it was up to medical science to cure it. Too bad they wouldn't be near any medical science anytime soon. Especially since Vritramon is such a sissy when it comes to pain, so now he's bawling like a baby over one little hangnail. Suddenly, they heard a voice!  
  
"Hey, you!" exclaimed a Happymon wearing a police uniform. He stepped up to the Chibi Beast Senseis. "I've been watching you cry all this time, and that is against the law! If you are crying, you must be sad! And that is not being happy! For all I know, you may even be depressed!"  
  
"Wha? Who, me?" asked Vritramon. "Oh, I'm not depressed... I just have issues. And a really bad hangnail." he sniffled again.  
  
"It's true!" Garmmon added. " 'specially the part about the issues."  
  
"Well, issues are still unwelcome in Happyville!" the Happymon fumed. "Because having issues make people unhappy, therefore, having issues equals to unhappiness. And that is not what we want, dammit!"  
  
"But what if someone's happy with having issues?" questioned Bolgmon.  
  
"Well... I... er... ah... shut up. Don't question a Police Happymon!"  
  
"These Happymon certainly have one-track minds." mused Blizzarmon. KaiserLeomon nodded in agreement.  
  
"Yadda yadda, whatever. Now if you don't mind, Mr. Policeman, we're Chibi Beast Senseis with an important mission at hand!" Vritramon stepped up to the Happymon (completely forgetting about his hangnail), with his left arm ready to push him aside.  
  
"I warned you!" said the policeman as he pulled out a minature device from under his vest.  
  
"Gasp! Is it a gun!?" exclaimed a shocked Shutumon.  
  
The Police Happymon touched Vritramon with the device, giving him an extreme jolt of electricity. Vritramon fell to the ground, charred.  
  
"Nope! This is just my happy taser! Using it makes me feel happy!"  
  
"Just - freaking - wonderful." croaked Vritramon.  
  
- - -  
  
Cherubimon and the Evil Hybrids made their way through Happyville, looking all around for the Chosen Children. Luckily for them and unfortunate for the CC's, the antagonists didn't have to look far. The Non-Justiced League were running around making flying noises.   
  
Cherubimon sweatdropped. "Er, well... attack!"  
  
"That's some messed-up shit right there, man." said Arbormon.  
  
Pervert Man immediately noticed the villians and commanded everyone to come to a halt.  
  
"Ah ha ha! Our formidable adversaries!" he pointed. "Come on, PMS Girl, let's get 'em!"  
  
"Alright, alright... STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO! And why can't I ever lead an attack for once!?" she cried.  
  
Pervert Man sighed again. "Okay, you can attack first, then."  
  
"Yay! I'll KICK THEIR ASSES ALL THE WAY TO THE MOON!! Well... just as long as I don't get any cramps."  
  
- - -  
  
Commercial time! Yatta!  
  
Kouichi: Ooh, Yatta Time?  
Kouji: NO!  
  
- Commercial #1: -  
  
Narrator (v/o): And now it's time for - "Chit 'n' Chat"! Featuring: Lucemon!  
We open to a studio, and see Lucemon standing there ready to tell his tale to the viewers.  
Lucemon: Y'know, I wasn't always like this. Bent on world destruction and domination. Yes, I know it's hard to believe... but I was just like YOU - ::points:: - and YOU - ::points to the camera view:: - and YOU! ::points to a little drooling kid picking his nose:: Okay, ew, I wasn't like that...  
He clears his throat.  
Lucemon: Anyway, let me take you back to a time... of innocence!  
Some wavy flashback lines ensue. The scene opens up to a daycare, where innocent Digimon kids are running around happily, playing and frolicking about without the worries of the hellhole that is life.  
Lucemon (v/o): Yep, that was one of my humble beginnings.  
The view switches to a younger-looking (if that's possible) Lucemon wearing a sailor's outfit (complete with the hat) and eating a huge lollipop.  
Lucemon (v/o): I have no idea why I wore something like that... Anyway! Yes, I used to be the most innocent of children. That is, until THEY came along...  
Dramatic music plays as the flashback continues. We see little kid Lucemon playing with his Tinker Toys when some bully Digimon come and mess with him. The group consists of a kid Volcamon, Datamon, and an annoying Toucanmon.  
Volcamon: Hey 'dere blondie, what're doin'?  
Lucemon: I'm just pwaying with mah Tinker Toys!  
Datamon: Tinker Toys suck! Play with a computer! 'specially Windows, by Bill Gates - my idol!  
Lucemon: B-but I like my Tinker Toys...  
Toucanmon: You stoopid! Tinker Toys are so OUT! Get with the fads, man!  
Lucemon: But I don't like the fads, so there!  
The three gasp.  
Volcamon: Let's kick his tushie!!  
Datamon and Toucanmon look at him strangely.  
Volcamon: I don't know any swear words. ::sniffle::  
The three bullies then proceed to gang up on Lucemon, ready to beat him to a pulp for playing with Tinker Toys.  
Lucemon: NOOOOO~  
It gets rather gruesome after that. Who knew toddlers could be so blood-thirsty?  
The scene goes back to present day Lucemon.  
Lucemon: ALL I WANTED WAS TO PLAY WITH MY TINKER TOYS, DAMMIT!!  
The flashback continues further, and we see a bruised and battered Lucemon.  
Lucemon (v/o): But... that's when I SNAPPED!  
Kid Lucemon abruptly raises his head up, his eyes glowing a fearsome red.  
Lucemon (v/o): My acts of evil started small. Like, sitting on top of the slide all day so the other kids couldn't go down. Soon enough, I was enslaving my fellow Digimon! MWAHAHAHA!  
The flashback shows a slightly older kid Lucemon standing on top of a podium, with the enslaved Digimon beneath him.  
Enslaved Digimon (speaking in German): Führer Lucemon! Führen Sie alle unsere traurigen Esel zum Sieg!  
Kid Lucemon: ... You people need to work on your German.  
It goes back to the studio.  
Lucemon: But how did I get so powerful, you ask? Two words: protein shakes!  
He poses with protein shake in hand, as a cash register sound goes off in the background.  
Lucemon: And as for my reputation's sake... let's just say I got some connections.  
We see a group of mafia hitmen standing behind Lucemon.  
Lucemon: Take five, fellas. ::snaps fingers::  
The hitmen bow their heads slightly and head towards the snack table.  
Lucemon: I even got my own bodyguards! ::grins:: Dynasmon and RhodoKnightmon!  
Dynasmon: Yep, dat's us. We used to be in the mafia too... that is, until we were kicked out because of RhodoKnightmon's... "quirks".  
RhodoKnightmon: I TOLD them black leather jackets did not go with white pants - especially after Labor Day - but they wouldn't listen to me!  
Lucemon ignores what RhodoKnightmon just said, and faces the camera.  
Lucemon: So now you know. And a message for all you bullies out there...  
His eyes glow red as he pulls out a knife and points it at the camera.  
Lucemon: I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE! MWAHAHAHA!! No one deprives ME of MY Tinker Toys anymore!  
Mafia guy #1: Lucemon-sama, would you like one of these grape jelly doughnuts?  
Lucemon: Ooh! Damn right I would!  
Narrator: And so that's it for this week's "Chit 'n' Chat"! Stay tuned next week when we uncover Ranamon's deep, dark secret... that she is actually a he!  
Ranamon: WHAT!? That's not true!!  
Narrator: Don't deny it, Bruce.  
  
- Commercial #2: -  
  
It's been a while since Junjun had his own commercial, so I'll give 'im one!  
  
Narrator (v/o): This commercial paid for by the Committee of Secondary Characters.  
The camera opens to a government building, where we see Junpei standing there with picket signs surrounding him.  
Junpei: Are you a character who's been bashed, put-down, and otherwise screwed-over by your fandom? If so, then I feel your pain!  
He clenches his fists.  
Junpei: Just 'cause I'm a bit chubbier than my fellow Chosen Children, that doesn't mean I'm a bad guy! And sure, I had my little crush on Izumi, but c'mon man, look what she's wearing! I'm a teenage guy, how could I NOT be turned on? ::ahem:: Er, I'm getting a little off-subject...  
He steps over towards a blackboard with an important-looking seal drawn on it.  
Junpei: I've started the "Characters Against Abuse Campaign"! It's like a women's activist group, except that I'm not a woman! ... At least I don't think I am... ::looks down:: Oh, no, I'm not. Let's hear from our fellow members!  
We switch to a view of Daisuke and Davis (yes, they're two different people here).  
Daisuke: My dub counterpart was bashed so bad, even I got some of the abuse! This must cease!  
Davis: ::curls into a little ball and cries:: The horror... the horror...  
We switch back to Junpei.  
Junpei: We're getting more members everyday! So if you hate character bashing or if you've been bashed yourself, then come join us and fight the good fight!  
The scene switches outside of the building, where I am waving around similar picket signs.  
Karoru: ::points to the camera:: If you bash or have ever bashed Junpei, I will come hunt you down and stab you in the eyes with MANY FORKS! Heed my words!  
  
- Commercial #3: -  
  
Lucemon is standing in front of a brightly colored backdrop, holding a can of something in his left hand. He poses for the camera.  
Lucemon: Lucemon Brand Protein Shakes®®©™©®™™®©™©®™™©™®!! Mm-hmm good!  
He takes a sip of the shake. His hair then frizzes out and proceeds to stand on end.  
Lucemon: 75% caffeine and 25% steriods! So remember, if ya wanna be like me, drink these shakes! MWAHAHAHA!  
Fast-talking Narrator: If-you-absolutely-value-your-life-you-will-not-drink-these-shakes-the-FDA-prohibits-it.   
  
- - -  
  
Now back to the fic!  
  
- - -  
  
"TAMPON BLASTER!!" shouted PMS Girl as she attacked. She threw a tampon at the Evil Hybrids. Grottomon caught it before it hit him in the face.   
  
"What the hell is this thing?" he asked with a confused expression. Ranamon smacked the back of his head.   
  
"Nothing you need to know about!" she said.  
  
Back with the remaining superheroes.  
  
"Oh dear me, what if we lose?" wondered Yaoi Twin #1. The others began to worry.  
  
"Not to worry, everyone!" boasted The Phantom Nudist. "I've got a secret weapon!"  
  
Everyone's, except for The Red Pants Wonder's, eyes widened.  
  
"What? What's the secret weapon?" asked The Red Pants Wonder.  
  
"Something that involves indecent exposure." said Bookish Boy.  
  
Meanwhile, Pervert Man and PMS Girl were still fighting against Cherubi & Co. They weren't doing very well. Pervert Man attempted to punch and kick Mercuremon, but the villian just kept dodging. Mercuremon was becoming very annoyed - even though he could just save them all the trouble and kill him right there, but oh well.  
  
"Stop this nonsense! Spirit Evolve now and fight me!" Mercuremon demanded, as he pulled Pervert Man's mask off. But what he didn't know is that once a superhero's mask is removed, it reveals their secret identity to ALL! Leaving them out in the open as just another mild-mannered citizen to survive in the cold, harsh world. The very core of them now shattered! Perve- er, Takuya gasped dramatically as he fell to the ground.  
  
"Nooooo..." he cried. "All my superhero powers GONE!"  
  
Mercuremon sweatdropped. "What superhero powers?"  
  
Takuya ignored him and kept being a drama llama. PMS Girl felt sorry for him and went to comfort him. She leaned down and hugged him.  
  
"It'll be okay, Takuya. I can imagine your pain!" she began to sob. Then she suddenly got angry. "BUT YOU CAN'T JUST MOPE! BE STRONG!!"  
  
Takuya sweatdropped as he was hugged by the moody girl. He couldn't take it anymore.  
  
"I'm sick of your PMS-ing!" said Takuya, as he yanked PMS Girl's mask off.  
  
Izumi gasped dramatically as well. She then blinked, and got angry.  
  
"That was a sexist statement, you insensitive lout!" Izumi shouted as she hit Takuya on the head. He keeled over further. Izumi turned towards the other guys. "Come on! We have to Spirit Evolve! Can't you see this superhero nonsense isn't getting us anywhere?"  
  
"I guess she's right," Big Hat Boy looked down sadly.  
  
"And this spandex was so comfortable, too!" said Yaoi Twin #1.  
  
"I dunno, it kinda rides up after a while..." mused Yaoi Twin #2, looking behind himself. Get it? BEHIND himself! Ahahaha... nevermind.  
  
"Aw, shucks. And I wanted to run naked through the streets of Paris covered in butter." The Phantom Nudist pouted.  
  
"Me too!" agreed The Red Pants Wonder. "That sounds like fun!"  
  
Bookish Boy cringed. "Ew, bad mental images... bad mental images..."  
  
"Don't worry, we can all do that even when we're not superheroes!" said Izumi. "Well... some of us, at least... ew."  
  
Cherubi & Co. looked onward to the Chosen Children, confused out of their wits.  
  
Cherubimon blinked and gasped. "So that Happymon was right! Things ARE way out of balance!"  
  
- - -  
  
As if on cue, Lucemon arrived on the scene, with Dynasmon standing beside him. But they were unseen by everyone else.  
  
Lucemon chuckled evilly to himself. "Perfect."  
  
RhodoKnightmon caught up with them, now wearing a bright pink sweater.  
  
"Do you guys like it? It was on sale!" RhodoKnightmon gushed.  
  
Dynasmon took a few steps away from the flamboyant fellow as Lucemon sighed and slapped his forehead.  
  
"This might be a little tougher than I thought." he said to himself.  
  
- End of Chapter 25! Banzai! -  
  
A/n: Holy crap! How long has it been since I updated this thing!? Lesse... last update was on August 7th... and it's December. Oi. Expect the next chapter to be rather long since I have so much stuff to cover in the last chapter. Yes, the last chapter! ::clasps hands to face and gasps::  
Anyway, I'll try to update as soon as I can (instead of in five month's time). I've just had zero motivation and I wrote myself into a corner again. I think I've broken out of it, but eh. Who knows. ::shrugs:: Okay, enough of my rambling, stick around for chapter 26 of AFFT! And don't forget to review!  
  
- Karoru 


	26. An Epilogue of Epic Proportions

A Funny Frontier Tale - Where in Bizzaro World, this is a soap opera, and nobody wears any pants!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Frontier, you know the drill by now.  
  
A Funny Frontier Tale  
By: Karoru Karukaro  
Chapter 26: An Epilogue of Epic Proportions  
  
Now onward to our tale!  
  
---  
  
Once upon a time, there was a group of fictional people who ran about acting out of character and getting into zany plots that went absolutely nowhere. This was the strange saga of AFFT, which wasn't really a saga since there was nothing in it to call it a saga. Many months would pass and nothing would happen, the characters in this setting floating in limbo, waiting for the lazy author with other things to do to once again sit at her computer to bring these creatures to life. Most of this time, a brick wall stood in the pathway to a good idea, so the author would have to get a very large mallet to smash through this wall. Now that we've made it to the other side, instead of writing this chapter, I'm really tired from smashing down that wall! It wasn't just a clever metaphor I used, you know.  
  
"Can just we continue with the story?" Lucemon asked, beginning to get impatient.  
  
But alas! From all that brick wall smashing, I have forgotten from where we have left off!  
  
The evil angel sighed and turned towards his henchmen. "You hear that? She doesn't know where to begin!"  
  
"Who's he talking to?" Dynasmon whispered to Rhodo. The pink one shrugged with a baffled look on his face.  
  
Then, Lucemon-sama, I suppose we'll have to start fresh.  
  
"Sounds like a plan to me! As long as we don't go retail shopping again..." He glanced towards RhodoKnightmon.  
  
"What? What about my shopping? Are you going against my interests?!"  
  
"Personally, I've always wanted to become a lumberjack," Dynasmon confessed, closing his eyes and nodding seriously. When he opened his eyes, he was met with strange stares from the others. "Whaaaaaat?"  
  
---  
  
"I miss my superhero tights," Kouichi mused to his brother.  
  
"In all honesty, that shade of aqua didn't go with your hair color," Kouji stated matter-of-factly.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Once again, I am innocent, naive, and confused," Tomoki sighed.  
  
The members of the studio audience laughed.  
  
Tomoki faced the camera. "Seriously! Could someone PLEASE fill me in here?!"  
  
The members of the studio audience laughed again.  
  
In the Cherubimon posse, the group was discussing what should be their latest attack to surprise the Chosen Children. Alas, it wouldn't be that much of a surprise since they were standing right there huddled in front of them. They were also unware of a red-panted spy in the midst...  
  
"Before you ask, no 'dazzling entrances'," Cherubimon stated.  
"Awwwwwwww!!"  
  
Bokomon held a walkie-talking waiting Neemon's transmission of what the enemy was talking about. They wouldn't be taken by surprise! "Bookman to Stupid Dude! What did they say?"  
"Something about frazzling an entryway!"  
  
"Okay, I say we make an highly complicated attack pattern, then close in on 'em, and STRIKE!"  
  
"Stupid Dude to Bookman! They're sewing a highly-liked pattern on their sweaters! And something else about a spike!"  
"It must be their code!" Bokomon mused.  
  
"Do you know the Muffin Man?" Arbormon asked.  
  
"Do we know a puffin, Bokomon?"  
"GASP! THEY'RE USING A PUFFIN AS THEIR SECRET WEAPON! I KNEW IT THE WHOLE TIME!"  
  
"Alright, team, let's get out there and win!" Cherubimon posed.  
"Sure thing, coach!"  
They all high-fived each other, then separated out like a football team.  
  
"I think they want to play hockey with a broach!"  
"Oh, they're a clever bunch, all right."  
  
"Chosen Children!" Cherubimon roared, catching everyone's attention. With the spotlight on him, he grabbed a microphone out of thin air, and pointed dramatically at the kids. "I challenge you to a d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!"  
  
---  
  
Meanwhile, the Chibi Beast Senseis had ceased wandering aimlessly about the town, and were currently taking a break under a patch of trees in the park. The group was very tired and their feet were stinky. They expected a calming, cooling wind to conveniently blow by to sooth their frazzled nerves, but when nothing of the sort came, that made them even more annoyed. Garmmon had dozed off, KaiserLeomon was sipping what remained of his tea, Vritramon and Shutumon were lounging on tree branches, while Bolgmon and Blizzarmon weren't really doing anything revelvant.  
  
"I've been thinking," Vritramon broke the silence.  
  
Bolgmon looked up from his resting place. "Oh, really? That's a change of pace."  
  
Vritramon ignored him. "I believe I'm at a mid-life crisis. Heck, we all might be!"  
  
"But I don't like crisis!" Shutumon protested.  
  
"Perhaps we need to do something else with our lives."  
  
KaiserLeomon joined the conversation, "He does have a point."  
  
"Then what would we do?" Blizzarmon questioned. Everyone looked up at Vritramon for an answer, but he was absentmindedly picking away at the tree bark.  
  
"Ahem!"  
  
"Ah! ... You actually expect me to know that?"  
  
Everyone else slapped their foreheads.  
  
"Let's just all take a nap without worrying about stuff," Shutumon suggested. "Because I don't like to think too much. It makes my brain itch."  
  
Garmmon continued snoring.  
  
"Well, Garmmon seems to like that idea!" Vritramon noted.  
  
Everyone cornily laughed like they do in cartoons. Oh, Vritra, you silly fellow!  
  
---  
  
Takuya and Cherubimon were sitting in the middle of the town square, each holding their hand of cards.  
  
"Why cards? Can't we just kick your ass like always!?"  
  
"I've had a change of heart about violence," Cherubimon confessed. "Now, puny human, YOUR LIFE POINTS SHALL BE MINE! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!"  
  
"We might be here a while..." Mercuremon noted.  
  
---  
  
Garmmon suddenly awoke. He stood up and looked in all directions, alert with senses keen. When he fixated on one direction, a deep growl sounded in his throat.  
  
"What is it, brother?" KaiserLeomon questioned worriedly.  
  
"My Yu-Gi-Oh senses are tingling." He began to froth at the mouth.  
  
KaiserLeomon looked to the others for an answer. "Yu-Gi-Oh senses?"  
  
Vritramon answered without even opening his eyes. "You don't know? Garmmon despises each and every version of Yu-Gi-Oh -- Japanese or English -- and when he senses it in his vicinity, he goes positively crazy. Destroying every speck of evidence, and he won't stop until he's done. It's quite amusing to watch, actually."  
  
"Oh! Remember that time he attacked that nun?" Bolgmon laughed.  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
Everyone joined in the laughing, except for KaiserLeomon. He didn't really see what was so funny. He turned his head towards his brother for a better explanation, but he discovered that Garmmon wasn't there anymore...  
  
"I think we've got a problem, ol' chaps."  
  
---  
  
Meanwhile at somewhere else!  
  
The Sadmon scientist cackled evilly, rubbing his hands together in an also typical evil fashion. Even an evil aura radiated around in his vicinity, causing his fellow workers to step a few feet away from him.  
  
Sadmon scientist stopped his evil laughing for a moment, and faced the readers. "I bet you thought you weren't going to see me again, didn't ya? Well, you were WRONG!" His evil laughing continued, and his assistants took a few more steps back.  
  
One of the assistants choose to step up, interrupting his boss' gloating. "Sir, the plot-device-powered cannon is almost complete."  
  
"Yeeeesss!!" Cue the pelvic thrusts.  
  
"One problem."  
  
"A problem?"  
  
"We don't have a power supply."  
  
"... didn't you just say that it was powered by the Plot Device?" The scientist stopped his pelvic thrusts and raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Well, yes... but it needs some extra juice."  
  
"You can't just plug it into a wall socket?"  
  
"I'm afraid not, sir."  
  
"Damn. Well, figure something out!"  
  
"Why not you?" the assistant questioned.  
  
"I'm busy at the moment." The head honcho of the operation turned away from his lowly worker, and trotted off towards his room. The worker shrugged and went back to business. Meanwhile, in the Sadmon scientist's room, he was busy writing in his journal. Ever since he came into the Digital World as a Sadmon, he decided to keep a personal journal for his equally personal thoughts. Since he was too cheap to actually get a real therapist, talking to an inanimate object was going to have to do.  
  
'Dear journal,  
I am sad. The Plot Device Cannon Thingy that needs a better name still won't work. And I think I'm getting a rash in my lower regions. I knew I shouldn't have switched from the brand of soap I typically use.  
Note to self: after the destruction of the moral fibers of Happyville, go to the store and discreetly buy some cream. ... and Cheetos.'  
  
Surely, if anyone should see this Sadmon's thoughts, many laughs would escape his fellow workers... even though they're sad. It would just be that funny!  
  
Back to the gang!  
  
---  
  
Cherubimon turned to Ranamon, who was standing behind him with the other Evil Hybrids. "Are his Life Points mine yet?"  
  
"For the last time, NOT YET!"  
  
"This is boring," Kouji noted. Suddenly, a lightbulb popped over his head, shining brightly. "I've got an idea! Why don't we find a new-spiffier-über-ultimate-cool-awesome evolution that'll just blow everyone out of their socks! But here's the catch, only me and Takuya get to evolve."  
  
Junpei, Izumi, and Tomoki's eyes widened in horror. "Nooooo~!!"  
  
"I've got a campaign like this, ya know!" Junpei stated angrily.  
  
The group held up signs, reading: 'Go secondary characters!'  
  
"We will NOT be pushed into the background! No no no! No background, no!"  
  
"Did you hear something?" Kouji asked Takuya.  
  
"Huh? Nope, not me."  
  
The three's protests got louder.  
  
Kouichi addressed his brother with a question, "Am I a secondary character as well?"  
  
"Hmm..." The bandana boy tapped his chin in thought. "Not really, you've got more of a co-starring role on The Takuya and Kouji Show."  
  
"Oh goodie!"  
  
---  
  
Garmmon stormed down the town's streets, still foaming at the mouth, madly searching for the source that caused his temporary insanity.  
  
"RABBLERABBLERABBLE!!"  
  
"Garmmon's the Hamburglar?" Blizzarmon randomly questioned.  
  
"That's 'robble robble'. He said 'rabble rabble'," Bolgmon answered.  
  
"My bad."  
  
Ba-bum-ching.  
  
---  
  
"Are his Life Points mine NOW?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
---  
  
Sadmon scientist continued to write in his journal, sitting in the farthest dark corner of his quarters. "Maybe I need some Prozac..."  
  
---  
  
Lucemon clapped his hands together, getting the two Royal Knight's attentions. "Okay, guys, I got an idea. It's super. A super idea. Are you listening? You better be listening to this idea. Listen, listen, listen! Are you listening yet? C'mon! It's suuuuuper!"  
  
Dynas and Rhodo raised an eyebrow, looking towards each other, then back to their leader.  
  
"I'm so totally gonna evolve on their asses over there," Lucemon pointed to the two duelists, "and it's so totally gonna be the most dazzling entrance you ever did see, but I need you guys as backup, ya dig?"  
  
"Lucemon-sama, why did you suddenly start becoming blatantly out of character?" Dynasmon questioned with a worried tone in his voice.  
  
Lucemon blinked a few times, staring up at the muscleman. "What the hell are you talking about? Nothing is going to disrupt this plan, so get to work!"  
  
"That's more like it!" RhodoKnightmon commented.  
  
Lucemon turned around to examine their target before attacking. They were still in the same positions: on the ground with cards yelling crap at each other. A blood-thirsty grin appeared on Lucemon's face as his eyes twinkled with maniacal glee.  
  
"It's show time."  
  
---  
  
The duel continued onward, the two contentors focused on victory. Nothing allowed to hinder their limits, nothing allowed to give them papercuts, nothing allowed to break their concentration--  
  
All of a sudden, RhodoKnightmon's voice echoed over a convenient speaker, reaching the ears of citizens far and wide, whether they wanted to listen to Rhodo's random announcement or not.  
  
"Ladies and gentlemen, humans, fellow Digimon, and freaks of nature! We present to you..."  
  
Cherubimon looked up and raised a twitching eyebrow. "This better be good!"  
  
"Lucemon-sama and his faithful Royal Knights!"  
  
The two minions and the future dictator of the Digital World marched out for everyone to see. Lucemon pointed at the group, not caring that he interrupted a duel of GREAT IMPORTANCE!  
  
Cherubimon's eyebrow's twitch remained. "Oh, it's just you."  
  
Lucemon about keeled over right there from shock due to that comment. He managed to regain his composure, putting his hands on his waist and tapping his foot in annoyance. "What do you mean JUST ME?!"  
  
"I meant what I meant. Now do you mind? I'm in the middle of a duel." He turned back to his cards to plot his upcoming move.  
  
Lucemon swelled up in anger, his eyes growing red and his teeth grinding together. "Nobody talks that way to Lucemon!"  
  
The Evil Hybrids looked around at each other, shared an all-knowing look, then proceeded to run for their lives into a nearby alley. The Chosen Children and everyone else in the vicinity did the same thing. The sky began to get dark and stormy. Lightning crashed, and rain poured from the evil angel's wrath.  
  
Cherubimon looked up, deciding to pay attention to the crazed controller. "Do you mind? You're getting my cards wet."  
  
"YAAAARRR!!" Lucemon shouted from frustration.  
  
"Yo ho, Mr. Pirate, blow me down!"  
  
"That does it! My dazzling entrance has been turned into a shamble! And that makes me angry..."  
  
"Is he going to evolve?" Dynas loudly questioned from the bush he was hiding behind.  
  
"Dammit, Dynasmon, you ruined the suspense!"  
  
*Lucemon Slide Evolve to... Lucemon Falldown Mode!*  
  
Lucemon FDM marched over to Cherubimon in his new form and grabbed him by the collar, causing his precious cards to fall to the newly soaked ground.  
  
"Now, Cherubimon, I came here for a challenge. Am I going to have to fight YOU?"  
  
The dark bunny did a double take in the dictator's grasp. "Lucemon, are you nuts? You don't want to fight me, I'm on the same mission as you!" He jabbed the Digimon in the chest.  
  
"And just what mission would that be?"  
  
"Killing those meddling Chosen Children, of course!" Cherubimon clenched his fists. "They interfere with our dark designs!"  
  
Lucemon FDM loosened his grip. "Hmm, I like the way you think. Now, just where are those blasted kids--AAHHH!!"  
  
KaiserGreymon had snuck up behind Lucemon FDM and slashed his sword into his back, knocking both the bosses to the ground.  
  
MagnaGarurumon appeared beside him. "Wow, Takuya, you actually did something smart."  
  
"Horray for me!" KaiserG cheered.  
  
Lucemon FDM rose from the ground, scowling. "We'll see who'll be cheering after I'm done with you!"  
  
"Uhm, yeah, what he said!" Cherubimon piped in.  
  
Both the villians lunged at KaiserG and MagnaG. Pow, wham, bam, and other cheesy sound effects!  
  
Izumi watched the fighting from the alley the others had run into. "Here we go again, they get all the credit, we get pushed aside..." She noticed something in her hands and looked down. "Huh? Where'd these pom-poms come from?!"  
  
Junpei looked at her, also holding a pair of his own. "You better get used to 'em, at this rate."  
  
Lucemon FDM grabbed KaiserGreymon by the shoudlers, and gave him a firm kick in the gut, causing the Digimon to fly backwards and collide into MagnaGarurumon. The two crashed into a grove of trees nearby, becoming buried under the foliage. The rain from earlier still poured down onto the battlefield.  
  
Cherubimon looked over at the temporarily crushed warriors and pouted. "No fair, I wanted ta do dat!"  
  
Lucemon FDM erupted in a typical evil hearty laugh. "Oh yeah, who's bad!" He paused for a moment, obviously waiting for something. He turned around to his two minions, giving them a deadpan look. "That's your cue."  
  
"Oh, right!"  
  
The two shuffled out. Their poses looked quite silly, offering thumbs-up to their boss. "YOU'RE bad, Lucemon-sama!"  
  
"Damn right!" More evil laughing, blah blah blah, we've been through this a million times before.  
  
Cherubimon continued his pouting, witnessing the scene. He turned to the Evil Hybrids. "How come you guys don't ever do entrances like that for me?"  
  
Ranamon scoffed. "Come on, we've never made a joke about your big ears, what more do you want from us?"  
  
Cherubimon gasped in a high-pitched tone, covering his head with his massive hands. "Are my ears really that big?"  
  
---  
  
Back in the lab.  
  
The Sadmon scientist decided to cease his journal musings for today to check up on the power progress on the Official Magical, Amazing, and Kickass Plot Device Machine™ (newly named).  
  
"So, how goes the accomplishment?" he asked a nearby worker.  
  
The worker looked up from his notepad. "Oh, good news, sir, the machine is now fully completed!"  
  
"Even though I am a highly acclaimed Sadmon, I must dance for joy at this news." And he did as such. Much shaking of his groove thing occured. He stopped for a moment to inquire, "So, tell me, what did you use for the power supply?"  
  
"Oh, the solution was simple, really. We took the awesome and incredible powers of two triple-A batteries and a 40 watt bulb."  
  
Sadmon scientist did not rejoice at this news, however. He gave a serious stare at the worker. "Be a real scientist, and replace it with something else more... realistic." Tears brimmed at his eyelids. "Meanwhile, if you need me, I'll be in my room watching Oprah." He proceeded to run off, sobbing. A door slam was heard in the distance.  
  
Another assistant approached the one who was the bearer of bad news. "I told ya' we shoulda used those D batteries."  
  
---  
  
"Must... kill... Yu-Gi-Oh..."  
  
Vritramon groaned. "It sure is taking us a while to get there. Maybe his senses are off."  
  
"Maybe he needs to go potty," Shutumon wondered. "Whenever something just doesn't feel right, a sit on the potty can always make it better."  
  
---  
  
"Enryuugeki!!"  
  
"Starlight Velocity!!"  
  
KaiserGreymon and MagnaGarurumon were giving it all they had towards the two villians, while their noble fans cheered them on!  
  
"Go Takuya, Takuya, he's our man, if he can't do it, no one can. Kouji, Kouji... uhm... he's a man too," Izumi, Junpei, Tomoki, and Kouichi droned on the sidelines. Bokomon and Neemon accompanied them on the drums.  
  
Meanwhile, Dynasmon and RhodoKnightmon were cheering on their favorite leader.  
  
"Go, Lucemon-sama!!" Dynasmon cheered.  
  
RhodoKnightmon pouted, and tapped his foot in frustration. "They get all the fun! I wanted to kick some good guy tushie too!"  
  
"Don't worry about it, we've done enough of that already," Dynasmon grinned (if he could). "Just, er, stand there and look pretty."  
  
RhodoKnightmon lit up at the word 'pretty'. "Oh, I can do that!" He twirled around in his pink ensemble, as if he were modeling on a runway.  
  
Dynas slapped his forehead at the scene. "That's not what I meant!"  
  
"But you said--"  
  
"Forget what I said."  
  
"Oh, you're such a doodie head person!"  
  
As for the Evil Hybrids? They hijacked a van and got as far away from the current commotion as possible.  
  
---  
  
Sadmon scientist returned to the main workstation, wiping away a few stray tears with his sleeve. Regaining his composure, he clapped his hands together, and inspected the machine's current state. "So, what have we got in the power supply now?"  
  
The current assistant figeted under her boss' gaze. "Well, sir, we didn't want to use up anymore lightbulbs or batteries, and we're on a tight budget, so we grabbed someone's lunch bag and... we used a baked potato."  
  
Sadmon scientist blinked, then shrugged indifferently. "Eh, I'm not picky."  
  
"But, sir--"  
  
"I - said - I'm - not - picky." He cleared his throat and shouted, "Fire up the Machine!"  
  
Knobs were turned, buttons pushed, lights flashed and blinked up the clunky contraption as it whirred and buzzed with activity. Sadmon scientist took his not-so-rightful place in the head seat on top of the thing. He moved levers back and forth, aiming the crosshairs at their target: Happyville.  
  
"Everyone ready? It's all or nothing!"  
  
"Sir, yes sir!!"  
  
"Ready..."  
  
---  
  
KaiserGreymon dealt another blow to Lucemon FDM, yet he returned with an uppercut, knocking him silly once more.  
  
MagnaGarurumon and Cherubimon were currently having a staring contest. Except with MagnaG, missles were involved.  
  
Pom-poms continued to be waved, even in the fierce rain.  
  
---  
  
"... Aim..."  
  
---  
  
"Paradise Lost!"  
  
BAM! The two ledgendary warriors were now reverted to their human states with Lucemon FDM's super attack. Cherubimon grabbed them both by the collars of their shirts and flung them over towards the others, laughing menacingly the whole time. Izumi helped Takuya to his feet, while Kouichi assisted Kouji.  
  
"Now, you stupid humans, prepare to be destroyed!" the lipstick-wearing fiend announced.  
  
"Well, Bokomon, it's been nice knowing ya..." Neemon hugged the best pal he ever knew.  
  
Bokomon embraced him back. "You too, Neemon!"  
  
---  
  
"FIRE!!"  
  
---  
  
"YU-GI-OH!!" Garmmon roared as he jumped out from the bushes, the other Chibi Beast Senseis still following him.  
  
Alas, his psychotic quest was put to an immediate halt as he noticed a huge white beam coming right towards the town. And as everyone knows, if you see a huge white beam heading right towards you, it's most likely not Santa Claus.  
  
"Oh... shit. RUN!!"  
  
Everyone in the town turned around to face their doom and DRAMATICALLY GASPED.  
  
Takuya turned to Izumi, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Ya know, now would be the perfect time to tell the others now that it's a dramatic scene and everything!"  
  
"Good idea."  
  
"Guys, we have something to tell you," Takuya stated loudly for the others to hear. The beam began to get closer.  
  
"You're gay?" asked Junpei, practically out of nowhere.  
  
"... no."  
  
"Izumi-chan is gay?"  
  
"No!" Izumi responded.  
  
"You're asexual?"  
  
"We're a couple, you dolt!"  
  
They all blinked and stared at them. A couple. A couple, they said. Takuya and Izumi weren't sure how they would respond, but they expected Junpei to at least comment, with his crush on Izumi. Also, there's a freakin' beam about to blast them all! The shock factor is at its peak by now, most likely.  
  
"... I still wish Takuya was gay."  
  
The blast made its impact.  
  
---  
  
Kouichi began to awake. He groaned as he rubbed his head, as a sudden ray of sunlight shone right into his eyes. The boy attempted to survey his surroundings, but he was still too dazed to figure out where he was. Or if he was dead or alive, for that matter. Blinding sunlight was all around, the ground was rough, tropical palm trees danced in the breeze, and the buildings had... eyeballs on them?  
  
"Well, wherever we are, I don't think we're in Happyville anymore," Kouichi noted to himself and the studio audience.  
  
Luckily, Bokomon and Neemon were also awake -- Kouichi wouldn't be completely without company. They were also dazed, so the only course of action was to half-crawl, half-wobble over to Kouichi. At the moment, he wasn't paying them any attention, now that he was leaning over his newly-discovered brother and fretting over his unconscious state.  
  
"Maybe you need to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscia-ma-tation!" Neemon suggested.  
  
Bokomon shook his head. "No, no, remember what happened last time..."  
  
"Why? What happened?"  
  
"Forget it. Let's just say that was an awkward situation."  
  
"I TOLD you that wasn't the right end!"  
  
"MOVING ON."  
  
Not hearing the two Digimon, Kouichi's mind raced with the possible ideas of what happened to his brother.  
  
'I sure hope he didn't fall down any stairs. THOSE BASTARD STAIRS!! No, wait, we were shot with some beam, weren't we? Hmm... then he could have brain damage! Who would take care of him if he did? Well, me, of course... mmm...'  
  
Neemon nudged his friend. "I think Kouichi's gone off in Lala Land."  
  
"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Bokomon commented with a half-lidded stare.  
  
"You're welcome!"  
  
---  
  
"Been a while since we've been here, huh?" Vritramon commented to Shutumon. Both were sitting in beach chairs wearing straw hats. They were also sipping fruit drinks out of coconut halves and lounging under an umbrella, enjoying the welcoming soothing wind.  
  
Shutumon nodded. "Prexactly, Vritra-kun!"  
  
"What do you two think you're doing?" Bolgmon asked as he leaned over on the back of Vritramon's chair.  
  
"What's it look like we're doing?" the dragon answered. "We're relaxing! Even us Chibi Beast Senseis need vacations, too, y'know."  
  
"But we haven't done ANYTHING. We haven't even succeeded in our new mission which isn't so new anymore!"  
  
"Well, tell that to the author." Vritramon leaned further into the confines of his chair, bringing his newly acquired hat over his face. Bolgmon sighed, realizing that he was now being ignored.  
  
"Ya know," Shutumon began to think (you can hear the gears turning), "maybe we need a new mission! Perhaps... the forces in the universe are telling us something? Let's do something else with our duties!"  
  
"Isn't that what Vritramon just stated in the beginning of this chapter?" Bolgmon questioned.  
  
"Anyway, I'm all for superheroing!"  
  
This caught Vritramon's attention, as he looked towards her with a smirk on his face. "That's the most intelligent thing you've said all day."  
  
"YAY ME!" She glomped her Vritra-kun, causing him to turn blue yet again.  
  
"Gah... ack... heellp..."  
  
"Aren't they the cutest couple?" Blizzarmon walked up to note. Bolgmon just shook his head.  
  
---  
  
Back in Happyville. Well, the remains of Happyville, anyway.  
  
Sadmon scientist looked up over his baracade to see what damage he had dealt to his enemy. He noticed that the buildings still stood, yet where citizens had previously been standing, billows of dark smoke were rising from the ground, as if tiny explosions had occured all over the area. The scientist took this to mean that his plot-driven device had vaporized any living creature in its path. That WAS the plan, right? But alas, even though he had achieved what had taken at least over one chapter's worth of work, there was still an emptiness that originated deep inside the demented Digimon. It spread throughout his body and brought him even more sadness than he had originally been feeling due to his namesake. In other words, it had been a complete waste of time -- and he knew it. He hadn't wanted to zap everyone in the village to microscopic bits. He wanted to zap them into typically-sized bits so he could strut over there and say, 'Well, goodness, it looks like you've been ZAPPED BY A SADMON, BIOTCH!!'. Truely a different priority than what had just occured.  
  
"Cripes."  
  
And so, that was the end of Happyville and its citizens. Well, kinda. But still, the people that are reading this sentence rejoiced at the news. The radical rambling of happiness would stop radiating from the raging rambos that made up that community. But where are they now? Hell, I don't know, so why are you asking me?  
  
Sadmon scientist sighed, leaning over on the crazy contraption's control panel. "What we really need is more excitement around here. A plot twist, you could say..." His eyes wandered around his seat. As realization hit, he mentally slapped himself. "Of course!"  
  
After minor adjustments, the settings of the Official Magical, Amazing, and Kickass Plot Device Machine™ were set to 'SUPER ZAPPINGS OF THE ENTIRE DIGITAL WORLD... YO'.  
  
*BZZ-APP!*  
  
The whole world was engulfed in white.  
  
---  
  
"Huh, I just had the weirdest dream. I dreamt that I had brain damage and you were taking care of me, Kouichi. But it felt... awkward."  
  
The others had just woken up. Kouichi uncomfortably chuckled after hearing about his younger brother's dream.  
  
"So, you two have been a couple this whole time, hmm? Behind our backs?" Junpei addressed Takuya.  
  
"Yep. But even I don't know why we kept it a secret, really."  
  
"Interesting..."  
  
"So, um, you're fine with it? You're not going to murder me in the middle of the night with a butcher knife now that you know Izumi's my girlfriend?"  
  
"Oh, no, of course not... as long as Izumi-chan is happy. But now that you've given me the idea..."  
  
Takuya laughed nervously.  
  
"Scandalous," Tomoki grinned innocently into the camera.  
  
"Erm, is everything white, or is it just me?" Izumi questioned, interrupting everyone else.  
  
"Ack, you're right!" Kouichi didn't like the color white. He didn't know why, but he just didn't.  
  
"Whatever," Kouji said, not caring about colors.  
  
"Suddenly, I have the urge to say something intelligent instead of exclaiming random words!" Neemon frantically waved his arms around, panicked squeals coming out of him. Thoughts were running around in his head. Actual coherent thoughts, and not just the random thought of a pig flying across the skyline or a random word like, oh, 'RABBLEBLARSQUEE' and the like.  
  
"And I have no witty retort to that." Bokomon let this thought sink in, then clasped his hands to his face and GASPED. "Something is seriously wrong here!!"  
  
"DUN DUUUUUNNNN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN!!" Junpei boomed towards the currently white sky.  
  
Everyone stopped and gave him a blank stare.  
  
"What? It seemed fitting."  
  
---  
  
Lucemon (normal), The Royal Knights, and Cherubi & Co. were now in a shiny glowing castle place, obviously confused.  
  
"How'd we get here?" Arbormon questioned.  
  
Ophanimon made her way down a conveniently placed starway, and cleared her throat, getting all the villians' attentions.  
  
"MY LOVE!" Cherubimon bounded forward, kneeling before her, wagging his tail. "Have you summoned us here to congratulate us on our apparent victory against the Chosen Children?" He gave her a toothy grin.  
  
The glowing angel rolled her eyes behind her helmet. "No, Cherubimon. You know how I feel about violence."  
  
"Oh, oh, of course! Violent? Me? Are you kiddin'! I'm about as passive as a cuddly lamb." He began crawling around the floor and pretended to graze to prove his point. The Evil Hybrids watched in amusement.  
  
"He's putty in her hands..." Grottomon noted.  
  
"I like her style!" Ranamon grinned.  
  
"Control yourself, Cherubimon," Ophanimon ordered in half-amusement, half-disgust. "Now, you all may be wondering why you ended up here of all places after the Sadmon's Plot Device ray blasted to all, correct?"  
  
Her answer was the blank stares of all the present Digimon.  
  
"Yes, quite. Anyway, now that the Sadmon scientist has used the Plot Device on the entire Digital World, all that which was out-of-balance has been balanced, the cracks have been repaired, and basically everything's all hunky-doory."  
  
"So why are you telling -us- this?" Lucemon questioned. "I'm sure those do-gooding humans would rather hear this news."  
  
"Speaking of good, that's why you're here." She stepped back behind her throne and pulled out a few dozen mops and buckets. "To pay back your debts to society for all the trouble you've caused, you have to do community service. I've tried tracking down all those other villians -- like that overbearing writer's block, but he's seemed to disappear... anyway! Tut tut, you all must be off to work. And your first line of work is... Isle Delfino!"  
  
"Awwww, MAAAAAAANNN!!"  
  
---  
  
"Your dun dun duuunnn seemed unnecessary, Junpei, everything seems so at peace," Bokomon noted as he looked out onto the ocean from the newly rebuilt Isle Delfino. The real color had returned to everything, turns out the first feelings from the group were just side effects.  
  
Yes, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, the sun was sunny, the sand was sandy, and the water was wet! Even a rainbow stood out on the waters being all prettyful.  
  
"I like rainbows," Tomoki said. Takuya, who was standing next to him, took a step back from him.  
  
Everyone took a moment to soak in the scenery and wallow in their accomplishment that they really didn't accomplish, but they did anyway since they're the protagonists, gosh darnit!  
  
Takuya wrapped his arm around Izumi. "Well, this turned out for the best, didn't it?"  
  
"Yeppers!" Izumi agreed.  
  
"Hey, Takuya, got a butcher knife on ya?" Junpei innocently asked, stepping up behind the couple. Takuya ran off screaming.  
  
Kouji looked down into the ocean water, trying to hide his sadness.  
  
"What's wrong, Kouji?" Kouichi asked.  
  
"Well, is this it? I mean, we've seen a lot of crazy shit these past twenty-six chapters, but is this all we're going out with? A few jokes? So what do we do now?"  
  
"I see what you mean. It just doesn't have that... what's the word I'm looking for..."  
  
"Oomph!" Tomoki piped in.  
  
"Yeah, that's the one!"  
  
Suddenly, upbeat music started playing in the background, yet still appropriate for an ending theme.  
  
Bokomon sighed, "So we're going out with a song and dance number? Typical."  
  
"Yay!" Neemon clapped excitedly.  
  
"So, we've reached the end,  
Of our tale,  
We can't accomplish anymore,  
This plot's all done!  
  
Was it a lot?  
I don't know!  
Could we have done more... ?  
Probably so~  
But let's not talk about that!  
Da da da dun da dah!  
  
We've had our laughs,  
We've had our tears,  
Some of us even questioned our sexuality!"  
  
"What? I didn't do that," Kouji stated with an eyebrow raised.  
Kouichi tried not to look shocked. "You're kidding!"  
  
"But we're doooooone!  
We're done with this tale,  
We set out what we were supposed to do for this particular story,  
And THAT is what we did!  
Do do doo doo doo!  
  
We could have abandoned our mission long ago,  
Leaving it out in limbo,  
But did we do that?  
No! Hell no!  
We did it anyway!  
It may have taken a while, but hey, it still got done,  
So... yay for us!  
Fwee dee de dee dee!  
  
So we're done,  
We're all through,  
We'd better get a salary or something, but!  
Just - let - us - be - dooooooooone!! Goodbye, folks!"  
  
---  
  
"Mopping is so not my forte," RhodoKnightmon tsked.  
  
The two servants were currently cleaning the new graffiti spills on Isle Delfino's fine paved walkways.  
  
"Just shut up and do your job. You missed a spot," Dynasmon nodded towards a splotch on the pavement in Rhodo's vicinity.  
  
RhodoKnightmon slammed his mop back into the bucket, splashing water all over the pavement and his boots. He turned to face his so-called friend angrily. "You can't tell me what to do!"  
  
"Oh yeah? Watch me. Clean up at spot, you pink ho!"  
  
"GASP!! I challenge you... to a mop duel!"  
  
"You're on, pinky!"  
  
As the two not-so-normal Digimon duked it out with mops, Lucemon was hearing the commotion behind him and sighed. He pulled out a tape recorder. "Note to self: get new bodyguards that can't talk or feel."  
  
Dynasmon's foot kicked the bucket full of inky water upwards and accidently onto Lucemon's head.  
  
"Note to self: do it before the sequel comes around."  
  
---  
  
"Hey, Takuya, we're going to go check into one of those hotels to just take a break for... several days. You coming?"  
  
"Sure, 'zumi, I'll be right there."  
  
Izumi smiled and walked towards the local hotel with the others, while Takuya looked out towards the sunset and admired the colors. Especially the reds and yellows... He reached into his pocket to pull out a silver device. Flipping it open, it lit one single flame. A devious smirk appeared on his face as he looked back and forth from his lighter to the bamboo-built hotel. He began to walk towards the building, a different stride in his step.  
  
"It'll be great to crash for a few days... But I sure hope they don't accuse me of any hotel fires... Heh heh heeeeh."  
  
¤ The End ¤ 


End file.
